"Poisoned" by Fero McPiglet First draft - 6/29/99 Edited by Rygar 10/7/01 SCENE 1 - TOAD SECRET RESEARCH FACILITY, PLANETOID In a warehouse-like laboratory, TOAD SCIENTISTS are hard at work at computers and chemicals while other toads haul around barrels and crates. Two particular toad scientists are messing around with a chemical set. TOAD SCIENTIST #1 (in singsong) You put the left tube in, you pull the right tube out, you put the left tube in, then you shake them all about ... TOAD SCIENTIST #2 Stop humming that tune! This experiment is at a critical stage! We have no time for dilly-dallies! TOAD SCIENTIST #1 Hmph! Who died and made you Toadborg? TOAD SCIENTIST #2 The great toad fairy did! Now get back to work, Frox! FROX Yeah, yeah, yeah... (grumbling) Stupid toad fairy, making Frux Toadborg ... he's not the boss of me ... FRUX I heard that! An incoming call lights up on the comm-link. The two toads scramble for the receiver button, but Frox reaches it before Frux can. He presses the button, and a computer screen opens to show a trembling STORMTOAD. FROX (winking at Frux) What is it?! Can't you see that our experiment is at a critical stage? We have no time for dilly-dallies! STORMTOAD (quivering) Bu-bu-bu ... FRUX (shoving Frox out of the way) Well? Out with it! Do you have a hare in your throat? STORMTOAD (looks around him fearfully) Bu-bu-bu ... FROX (pushes Frux aside to peer at the screen) C'mon, c'mon! We don't have all day! What's bu-bu-bu-bothering you? FRUX (pushes back at Frox) Yeah! What're you bu-bu-bu-babbling about? STORMTOAD (looks more agitated than ever) Bu-bu-bu ... They hear a crash in the room where the stormtoad is. The stormtoad looks behind him and is so scared out of his mind that he faints. The rest of the screen features flashes of other stormtoads running away, furniture flying, and general mayhem. It finally dawns on Frox and Frux what they're facing. They clutch at each other in sheer terror. FROX and FRUX (shrieking like little tadpoles) Bu-bu-bu ... VOICE (roars from the speakers then transfers to the door) Aaayooogaaa! The main door suddenly falls down in a resounding crash. Scientists and stormtoads alike drop what they're doing and behold the massive spike-armored figure beating his chest and roaring his war cry. It's a battle-ready BRUISER on a rampage. BRUISER (raises his meaty hands as if to grab every toad looking at him) AAAAAAyyyyyyyyOOOOOOOooooooGGGGGGGGGGaaaaaaaaaaaaa! TOADS (all at once and at the top of their lungs) Bu-bu-bu ... *Betelgeusian Berserker Baboon*! Aaah! All the toads scream as they scramble over themselves in an effort to reach the exit. They scatter in all directions and knock down most of their equipment. Bruiser pauses for a moment before giving chase, throwing aside the various apparatuses in his way and still howling his war cry. A few seconds later, just as the dust is settling down, several figures emerge from the broken down door. It's CAPTAIN BUCKY O'HARE and CAPTAIN MIMI LAFLEUR, followed by the rest of their crew. Bucky and Mimi survey the damage while the others take positions in various sections of the room. MIMI Thanks for responding to my call for assistance, Bucky. BUCKY It's nothing, Mimi. Glad we could lend a paw. You said this is urgent? MIMI Yes. Very. Once we had an idea of what the toads were up to, we had to mobilize fast. Speed was imperative and so was the element of surprise. I'm just glad that Bruiser was with you when you came. Nothing scares the toads more than a Betelgeusian berserker baboon going ... well, berserk! (nudging a fallen test-tube rack with her foot) But isn't he a tad bit, ah, overenthusiastic today? He's usually careful with the delicate instruments while he bashes toads around. BUCKY (smiles apologetically) He's been feeling down lately. It's coming up on the anniversary of when we lost Bruce. MIMI Ah, his dimension-lost brother, right? BUCKY Yes. All he's been doing is moping around and staring into space. He doesn't even want to play his hologame with Blinky anymore. I think he just needs to cut loose, flex his muscles a bit. Anything to relieve his tension. MIMI (going over a broken crate on the floor) Well, if my suspicions are correct, you'd better tell him to be careful of what he "relieves" himself on around here. BUCKY (following her) Why is that? Mimi doesn't answer at once. She kneels down, careful to avoid the steaming puddle oozing from the crate. She puts on some plastic gloves and picks up pieces of the debris. Inside, they find rows of bubbly green liquid contained in tubes. Stamped on each tube is a danger sign made up of a red toad skull and crossbones. MIMI All right. It's been confirmed. The toads have started development on the next level of warfare. BUCKY (shocked) Chemical weaponry. MIMI You'd better warn everybody in the building. BUCKY (activates his comm) Good idea. SCENE 2 - TESTING AREA, BUILDING Bruiser is continually beating up the gaggles of toads he runs into. BRUISER Ya stupid stinking toads! Dis is for my brudder, Bruce! Take that! And that! In another room, Frox and Frux are hiding behind a console. FROX Wha-wha-wha-what we going to do?! That Betegeusian berserker baboon's going to find us, and he's going to twist us into pretzels! FRUX Shut up! Maybe he won't see us ... Frox and Frux peek over their hiding place just as Bruiser glances in their direction. BRUISER (tossing away his latest mauling and pointing at the scientists) You! Frox and Frux start screaming again as Bruiser starts to lumber toward them. BRUISER I'm gonna get all'a you toads! FROX (grabbing at Frux) Frux! Frux! He's coming! Help! Help! He's coming! FRUX (frantically pushing at buttons) Quick! Maybe we could close the testing doors ... The toad scientists randomly operate the controls. Amazingly, they manage to activate the testing doors. Massive steel doors slam shut just before Bruiser can step into the room. The toad scientists sigh with relief. Then, they hear fists pounding on the door. Dents start to appear. Seconds later, Bruiser tears a hole through the door. BRUISER (steps inside and crosses the room) Ya think dis flimsy door could stop me?! You toads don't know anythin'! FROX He's still coming! FRUX He can't get through the reinforced glass ... Bruiser's already pounding on the glass and making it crack. BRUISER Ya don't know 'bout how us guys hafta keep fightin' and fightin' and dyin' so's we could beat you! And all ya do is run and hide! It's cowardly toads like you that I want ta crush! FROX He's going to get us! FRUX Try the gas! Frox presses a button. A nozzle opens besides Bruiser's head, and a green gas hisses out. It covers Bruiser's head, then his whole body. The pounding stops. The toads sigh again. FROX Thank KOMPLEX that stopped him ... Then Bruiser's face appears, pressed on the glass, angry as hell. The green gas fades away. FROX It didn't work! BRUISER AAAAAAyyyyyyyyOOOOOOOooooooGGGGGGGGGGaaaaaaaaaaaaa! FROX and FRUX Aaah! Bruiser smashes the glass into a thousand pieces. He climbs into the room, ready to bash the toads. He grabs them by their coats. But it's too late. Frox and Frux have already fainted. Disgusted, Bruiser hurls the two toads away with a growl. He looks around and realizes that he's alone. He's beaten every other toad into unconsciousness. He's still breathing hard from his exertion. BRUISER (whispers) You toads don't know nuthin' at all. You don't know that my brudder Bruce died. You don't care at all. Bruiser's shoulders slump down, his anger draining away. He drops to the floor on his knees and then sits down. He doesn't cry. BRUISER Bruce's dead 'cuz I wasn't dere ta help him. He's dead 'cuz of me. Bruiser continues to sit. He ignores the beeping coming from his comm. SCENE 3 - MAIN DECK, RIGHTEOUS INDIGNATION Bruiser continues to sit on the ground of the main deck, staring out into space. Bucky and FIRST MATE JENNY are in the cockpit but GUNNER DEADEYE DUCK, ENGINEER WILLY DUWITT, and AFC BLINKY are keeping him company. DEADEYE ... ain't that right, Bruiser? Bruiser? (yelling near Bruiser's ear) Bruiser! BRUISER (snaps out of his trance) Wha? DEADEYE I said it stinks that we gotta go to Quarentus for a medical examination! WILLY Can't anybody check the toad database for the composition of the chemicals? BLINKY This humble android would point out that UAC cryptographers require time to decode the information. Humble android notes that that the only information accessed is that toad compound is non-contagious. DEADEYE Then why do we still have to get checkups?! BLINKY Compound may not be contagious, but humble android theorizes that crew might have been exposed to it while in base. Checkups are necessary to insure we are not poisoned. BRUISER (looks away again) Yeah ... DEADEYE (turns away) Haven't been hearin' a word o' what I'm saying ... Bruiser nearly glances at the Canard, but he looks down at his hands instead. They're shaking slightly. He's trying hard to keep them still, but the trembling is uncontrollable. He crosses his arms to hide them. Bruiser has been listening. He heard Bucky say that everybody has to have a checkup to make sure they were clean, that they weren't infected with anything. He heard about the chemicals the toads were making still had unknown properties. Bruiser doesn't know what the chemicals do. But he knows one thing for sure: His hands never shook like that before. SCENE 4 - QUARENTUS The Righteous Indignation finishes docking in the medical space station Quarentus. The crew steps out and is greeted by a DEER in a doctor's coat. DEER Captain Bucky O'Hare. I am Dr. Ankler. I'm here to do your checkups. BUCKY Of course. Has Mimi arrived yet? DR. ANKLER She'll be arriving shortly. Step this way please. The crew follows Dr. Ankler inside the sterile and well-lit establishment. WILLY Hey, aren't we supposed to wear hospital gowns before we go in? BUCKY Why should we do that? WILLY Well, that's how it is ... DR. ANKLER Oh, we don't have to do that anymore. We have scanner technology. We can do our checkups without even changing clothes. (peers at Willy) Uh, unless you want to wear a hospital gown. I doubt it's going to fit you, though. WILLY Uh, never mind. Dr. Ankler leads the crew into cubicles. DR. ANKLER All right, step into the cubicles. Even you, Blinky. We'll be disinfecting and analyzing in a few moments ... there. (waves his hand) Step out, everybody. WILLY That's it? We're done? DR. ANKLER Yes. All we have to do now is wait for the results. You can stay in the reception area. There's all sorts of stuff to amuse you there while waiting. DEADEYE Great! Let's go, guys. SCENE 5 - RECEPTION AREA The crew is sitting around. Bucky is having a conversation with Jenny while drinking a cup of water. BUCKY How're you feeling, Jenny? JENNY I feel fine. I can tell if there is a foreign substance inside my body. I know I'm clean. BUCKY How about other people? Can you sense if they're sick? JENNY Well, it's a little difficult, but I should be able to do it. If it's unnatural, like what the toads are doing, then I probably could detect it. Would you like me to try? BUCKY Sure. Why not? Jenny steps in close and puts her paws at the side of Bucky's face, on his cheeks. She closes her eyes. JENNY Close your eyes. Bucky obediently does so. Jenny's gem glows. JENNY Well, no guarantees. It might even be dangerous ... BUCKY (opens his eyes and looks up) Dangerous? In what way? Jenny looks at Bucky's trusting green eyes. She smiles faintly. She puts her paws down. JENNY Nothing. Dr. Ankler walks in the room, preoccupied with his medical notes. Deadeye notices him first. DEADEYE What's up, Doc? For a moment, Willy stares at Deadeye, then at Bucky, like he expected the comment to come from a hare. Nobody notices. Dr. Ankler responds anyway. DR. ANKLER The partial results have arrived. Very strange. BUCKY What do you mean, "partial results?" There's no such thing as partial results. Are any of us contaminated or not? DR. ANKLER (pushing up his glasses and looks nervous) Look, this is a very unusual case, OK? The scan detects changes similar to the disease, but we can't confirm it unless we've seen the symptoms. Then we'll know for sure if contamination has occurred ... JENNY Wait, wait. You mentioned "unusual case?" You mean one of us *has* been contaminated? DR. ANKLER (gets more nervous) Like I said, we can't confirm unless we've seen evidences of symptoms. The toad contagion is specifically tailored to hide the symptoms ... Deadeye quickly grabs the doctor by the coat. Dr. Ankler drops his papers. DEADEYE Which one of us? DR. ANKLER Huh? BUCKY Down, Deadeye. Deadeye lets go of Dr. Ankler. Willy tries to help pick up the loose papers, but Blinky's arm turns into a vacuum cleaner and sucks up all the sheets. His chest compartment swings open, revealing the sheets of paper, carefully arranged. He hands them back to the doctor. DR. ANKLER Thank you. BUCKY You still have to answer us. Is one of us poisoned? Dr. Ankler looks around. The crew is all staring at him. DR. ANKLER Yes. BUCKY Who? Dr. Ankler looks around again. DR. ANKLER Where's the Betelgeusian? SCENE 6 - DEEP SPACE Bruiser is on the Toad Croaker, thrusters on full. He reaches to the console to grab the comm-link and notices that his hand is shaking again. He wills it to stop. Then he turns on the terminal and patches in a code. The screen fuzzes, then features a watery environment. A goggled octopus appears -- it's DEXTER. DEXTER (growling in a bad mood) Sludge Information Agency, whaddaya want? BRUISER Dexter, it's me. DEXTER (becomes a little more friendly) Oh, Bruiser! Hi! Sorry about that. My sister Dee Dee's here, and she's messing around with the equipment. She's such a pain in the ... In the background, a resounding crash is heard, followed by klaxons and blubbering screams. Bruiser sees DEE DEE, an octopus wearing a pink ballerina suit, jetting past the view screen, followed by three security dolphins in hot pursuit. DEE DEE (laughing) Ooh, what does this button do? DEXTER (turns and shouts) Dee Dee! Stop that this instant! (turns back) You were saying? I'm busy right now. Can't you call back later? BRUISER Look, I, uh, need some information. Quickly. DEXTER Well, you've come to the right place ... (grimaces as something crashes in the background) ... but your timing could use a little wo- DEEDEE Where's the candy!? A rude bubbling noise is heard, and a laughing Dee Dee zips across Bruiser's line of sight again. This time, it's seven security dolphins chasing after her. DEXTER (shouting off screen) I said cut it out, sis! Stop fooling with the ... *augh*! Get away from that machine! (disappears for a while, then comes back) Look, hurry up and tell me what you want. My tentacles are full. All eight of them. BRUISER Well, have ya seen a lotta toad stuff around anywhere? Y'know, where dere's lots of dem toadies doin' big things? Anywhere except in da Toad Homeworld. DEXTER Hmm, we monitor toad activities like that all the time, but I have to see your superior officer first. BRUISER You can just tell me ... DEXTER Nope, sorry, rules are rules. You'll have to come back with proper clearan- A whooshing sound is heard. Dexter turns around and sees a dozen disoriented security dolphins floating past in bubble cages. One of them is a bewildered MAJOR BOTTLENOSE, who gives Bruiser a puzzled wave as he bobs away. Dee Dee follows, giggling while brandishing a bubble- making machine gun. DEXTER Put that down this instant! Dee Dee! Are you listening to me? Dee Dee! (ducks as a stream of bubbles is shot over his head) All right! That's it, Dee Dee! You're going down! Where's my semi- automatic, reflex-setting, laser-sighting, multi ... Dexter rummages in the background. BRUISER Uh, Dexter? DEXTER What?! (looks at Bruiser) You're still here? Go away! I'm preparing for battle here! BRUISER Look, ah just want ta know where dere's lots of toads concentrated lately ... DEXTER (impatiently waving his tentacle) Fine, fine! We monitored a whole bunch of toads entering and leaving Sector Four. We found trace frequencies of the energy residue from the combination bomb from the Pledge Ceremony. OK?! Are we done?! BRUISER Yeah. Thanks. DEXTER Whatever. (turns around and brandishes his own bubble gun) Dee Dee! I said put that down! The screen goes blank. Bruiser scratches his head for a while. Then he sets a new course on the navigation console. SCENE 7 - QUARENTUS Bucky and Jenny are alone in the reception area. Bucky's sitting down, but Jenny's pacing about. Jenny suddenly stops and stares at Bucky. Bucky stares back at her. BUCKY I know what you're thinking. JENNY Hmm? BUCKY You're thinking that that there's something wrong with me since I'm not too concerned with Bruiser. JENNY (smiles) Am I right? BUCKY Yes. (stands and pours himself a drink at the repository) I've learned a lesson all this time. You've taken The Righteous Indignation for your own purposes plenty of times before. Sometimes, Willy came along with you. Deadeye's gotten his hands on the controls several times as well. Even Blinky's taken control of the steering wheel when he was reprogrammed by the toads a few years back. (hands Jenny a drink) It was only a matter of time before Bruiser went on his own as well. It had to happen. Eventually. But everybody always comes back with The Righteous Indignation in one piece. I don't think this will be any different. So I'm not that worried. Bucky and Jenny turn as Deadeye comes into the room. DEADEYE Ya don't hafta worry 'bout the ship, Captain. She's still there ... BUCKY That's good news, Deadeye. DEADEYE ... 'cause the engine's been busted up. Nothing Willy couldn't fix in a jiffy, 'cept that some important components are missing and unavailable. Bruiser did a pretty thorough job. BUCKY (sighs) Damn. Jenny nearly laughs but stifles it instead. SCENE 8 - PLANETOID Bruiser has landed the Toad Croaker. He is peeking from behind a pile of rubble, spying at a medium-sized toad base. BRUISER Smaller'n I thought. (rubs his head) Looks defenseless. Must have a bubble force field or somethin'. I wonder if it's da disintegratin' kind? Bruiser sees a good-sized boulder. He tries to pick it up with one hand, but the boulder won't budge. He uses both hands and succeeds in lifting the huge rock overhead before losing his grip and dropping it at his side. Bruiser is sweating, and he stares at his shaking hands. BRUISER (breathing heavily) I'd ... better hurry. Bruiser chooses a small pebble instead. He tosses it at the base. The pebble flies up to twenty feet from the installation before hitting an invisible wall. The force field flickers into view for a split second as the pebble bounces off. BRUISER Standard force field. Must also run underground. Gotta find another way in. Gotta think ... VOICE "Think?" The Bruiser I know wouldn't stop ta think. He'd pound at the force field 'til the field generator up and breaks down. Bruiser quickly turns around, afraid that he's been found out. Instead, he finds another armored Betelgeusian Berserker BABOON standing behind him with a grin on his face. The newcomer has long hair and is visibly older that Bruiser. He is also semi-transparent. BABOON (laughs) What's wrong, brudder? You look like ya've seen a ghost. BRUISER (not trusting his eyes) Bruce? BRUCE (opens his arms for a hug) Who else could it be? SCENE 9 - QUARENTUS The crew is in the research lab with Dr. Ankler, considering their options. BLINKY Humble android has viewed records of docking departures. Record files indicate an unauthorized launch of Croaker vehicle. Tracking beacon of said Croaker has been disabled. BUCKY So even if we get the frigate operational, we still won't be able to find Bruiser. Great. JENNY We'll have to hope that some passing freighter or cruise ship would notice a lone baboon on a Croaker. BUCKY Good idea. Get on the communication uplink and start asking around. JENNY (turns to leave) Coming, Blinky? BLINKY (follows Jenny outside) Affirmative. WILLY I'd like to help with the analysis of the toad contagion, but I'm no chemist. The hanger crew is still procuring spare parts, so I can't work on the frigate yet. BUCKY That's OK. The doctors will figure it out. What I'd like to know is why Bruiser would leave all of a sudden. DEADEYE I think I c'n answer that. Berserker baboons have a war custom. Any berserker who is incapacitated and is useless to the group has to perform a suicide mission. WILLY (eyes widen) You think Bruiser knows that he's been poisoned? DEADEYE I think so. He must have felt some of the symptoms. BUCKY Dr. Ankler, what are the known symptoms of the contagion? DR. ANKLER Difficult to say. It varies per race. All we are certain of is the victims are afflicted with weakness, fatigue, hallucinations, and then death. WILLY Oh, man! Toads are this good at making poisons? DEADEYE What do ye expect from such a slimy race? WILLY I hate this waiting. BUCKY It's all we can do until we locate Bruiser, and maybe by then, the doctors will have already synthesized an antidote. SCENE 10 - PLANETOID Bruiser is still staring in disbelief at the translucent Bruce. BRUISER Bruce? What're ya doing here? (stops for a second and looks smug) Oh, wait, don't tell me. I already know. BRUCE (feigns puzzlement) Ya do? Well, why don't ya tell me? BRUISER (grins) I'm not surprised, really. I mean, considerin' how ... Their conversation is interrupted as they hear the sound of footsteps. Bruiser hides behind a rock. Bruce does the same. They both peer at the edge and see a stormtoad emerge from the facility. The toad turns off the force field then steps out, holding his gun ready. BRUISER (whispering) Toad sentry. The force field must have a tactile alarm. BRUCE (pretends to give Bruiser a suspicious look) "Tactile alarm?" Who're you and what have ya done with my brudder, Bruiser? BRUISER (laughs a small laugh) Aw, gimme a break, Bruce! I've been doin' some readin' and stuff. A few minutes pass as the baboons watch the stormtoad inspect the area where Bruiser threw a pebble. The stormtoad sees nothing out of the ordinary and heads back toward the base. The force field reactivates again. Bruiser and Bruce step out of their hiding place. Bruiser starts walking toward the Toad Croaker. BRUCE Hmm, if ya know what I'm doing here, then can ya at least tell me what you're doing here? Where's the Captain and rest of da guys, including that hairless replacement o' mine? BRUISER Bruce. I don't have time ta talk right now. I'm on a mission here, and I have ta hurry. BRUCE But where're ya going? You're not givin' up, are ya? BRUISER (reaches the Croaker and starts up the engine) Nope. BRUCE Then what're ya doing? BRUISER Somethin' I learned from a game I been playin' ... Bruiser programs a timer delay on the Croaker. The Croaker's engine continues to rev up as he jumps out and starts running toward the toad base but from a different side than where the Croaker is facing. Bruce follows wordlessly. Bruiser hides behind another pile of rubble. A few seconds later, the Croaker's brakes release, and the vehicle races at full speed toward the base. The Croaker strikes the force field and explodes. Alarms sound off in the base as dozens of stormtoads rush out of the base to find out what's going on. The force field is turned off. While the toads are all occupied, Bruiser steps out of his hiding place and starts running toward the base. Bruce runs with him. The toads are too far away to see them. BRUCE Decoy tactics. Oh, dat's a good one! BRUISER (panting) I forget whut it's called, but it works. BRUCE But ya also destroyed your getaway vehicle. BRUISER That's OK ... The force field flickers back on, but Bruiser and Bruce have already made it inside the compound perimeter. They hide beside a parked double bubble. BRUISER ... I'm not going ta need it. BRUCE Whut's that mean? BRUISER Shh ... Bruiser looks around for toad sentries but sees no one. He sneaks to the closest building and slowly opens an unguarded door. BRUISER At least it's not locked. BRUCE If it wasn't, you'd have ripped it open. BRUISER I can't. I'm losin' my strength. BRUCE And your stamina. You were panting back dere when we raced the force field. But ya can still scare dem toadies. All toadies're afraid of Betelgeusian berserker baboons. BRUISER Dat's whut I'm counting on. Now, I need ta find the control center. Bruiser and Bruce start walking quietly. BRUCE I'd like ta know what's wrong with ya, Bruiser. You're losing your strength, you're losing your stamina, and you're thinkin' all smart- like. Whut's happenin', brudder? BRUISER (gruffly) Aw, c'mon, Bruce! Dat's not important. Let's not talk 'bout dose things. Bruce suddenly walks a step behind Bruiser, like he's in a huff. It takes Bruiser a second to realize that Bruce is feigning a sulk. Bruiser laughs and steps back as well. BRUISER Let's talk 'bout some good stuff. (getting a faraway look in his eyes) I remember when we wuz just kids. Dere was dis starfruit tree growin' in our neighbor's patch. BRUCE (also getting the faraway look) I remember. BRUISER We wuz all trying ta climb the tree and get the starfruit on top, but dat thorny, pointed bark made it really hard. It came to a point where only da best climbers could get the fruit. BRUCE Yeah. It wuz like an initiation for us neighborhood kids. Everybody had ta climb the tree and try. Of course, dere were a lotta accidents. BRUISER (smiles proudly) I wuz one of them. BRUCE (points at his brother) Ya broke your leg when ya fell. Ya shouldn't have let da gang dare you inta climbin' the starfruit tree before ya were ready. BRUISER (points back) And you were so mad that ya had ta get the fruit yourself. You chopped every starfruit thorn on the tree while you wuz climbin' up. BRUCE (smiles wanly) It's what I had ta do. I wuz able ta get the starfruit. BRUISER (slowly stops smiling and frowns) But everybody said ya didn't play fair. Ya ruined da startree. It wuz no fun to climb anymore. Da gang wouldn't play wit' you after dat. BRUCE It didn't matter. I didn't care whut they thought. We had the starfruit. BRUISER (gets mad and starts shouting) I know. And I hated you for it. Ya shared it with me, but I couldn't eat it. I hated that you had to get the starfruit dat way! Ya shouldn't have done that! It wuz like a prize or sumthin', to be da one to get the fruit. I could have gotten it! Ya didn't hafta go and cut off all the thorns on da tree! You ruined it for me! Ya didn't hafta do dat! BRUCE (shrugs) I didn't want ya to get hurt any further. Dat's all. Bruiser is still furious at the quiet Bruce, but he suddenly stops and holds his chest in pain. He heaves and grimaces. Bruce moves closer to help him, but Bruiser waves him away. The brothers stare at each other for a while. Bruiser stops breathing hard, and they start walking again. BRUISER (quietly) I guess dat wuzn't such a good memory. BRUCE Nah. It's OK. Ah get what ya mean. BRUISER (looks at Bruce with questioning eyes) But why'd you have to be so different? Why'd you have to do that? Bruce doesn't have time to answer. Two STORMTOADS round a corner and see the baboons. It was so unexpected that both parties are caught dumbfounded for a split second. STORMTOAD #1 (finally unfreezing) An intruder! The stormtoad raises his rifle to fire while the other one tries to sound the alarm on his comm-link. In one smooth motion, Bruiser tackles the toad with the rifle, hitting his opponent's head on the floor, then throws the rifle at the other toad, knocking him senseless as well. Bruiser slowly picks himself up while Bruce inspects the unconscious toads. BRUCE Dat was fast. BRUISER (panting) Had ... to be ... BRUCE (kneels in front of one of the toads) Dat's funny. How come dey weren't afraid of you? All toadies are scared to death of baboons. BRUISER (walks over to the toad) Ah. You weren't dere when the toadies came up with a new gizmo. (removes the toad's goggles) Dese here goggles make berserker baboons look like puny wimps. Willy made me a handheld disrupter to stop 'em, but I musta left it on da ship. BRUCE I see. Smart. So that's why you wuz sneaking around. You can't let 'em see you. BRUISER Yeah. And since I'm a getting weaker 'n' weaker, it means dat I can't handle another fight ... The comm-link on the floor suddenly crackles to life. TOAD Over? What's the situation, soldier? Is there an intruder? What's happening, over? BRUISER (pauses in deep thought) Hmm ... Bruiser picks up the receiver and sets it to transmit to every other comm-link. He smiles at a puzzled Bruce. BRUISER (whispers aside) I'm gonna try sumthin' new ... TOAD What was that? I can hear something in the background. Respond, over? If there's an intruder, just say so! Over. Bruiser takes a deep breath. Then he screams his loudest, most terrifying battle cry into the comm-link. The hall echoes with his war chant. BRUISER AAAAAAyyyyyyyyOOOOOOOooooooGGGGGGGGGGaaaaaaaaaaaaa! There is a short pause. Bruiser and Bruce wait a few seconds before the desired effect falls through. From the comm-link, the sound of multitudes of toads stuttering in deep-seated terror emerges in a wave of fear. TOADS (over comm) Bu ...bu ... bu ... *Betelgeusian Berserker Baboon*! Aah! There's a general noise of more toads running away over themselves. A few seconds later, the baboons hear toad double bubble ships launching off. Bruiser grins. Bruce grins back. BRUCE Why bother with visual stimuli when an audio trigger is enough. Brilliant! BRUISER C'mon. Let's look for the main communications center and scare all the toads away. It isn't long before all the toads are gone. Bruiser and Bruce still roam around in the communications center, not sure of what to do next. BRUCE ... ya could've left at least one toadie to interrogate, y'know? Ya didn't hafta go all scream-happy! BRUISER So I forgot! Big deal! I didn't see you thinking 'bout it 'til da last toadie split! BRUCE So whut do we do now? BRUISER (rushes to the console) I know! The computers! BRUCE (watches as Bruiser starts punching some buttons) Um, ya sure ya know what you're doing there? BRUISER Don't worry! Toad computers are easy to operate. BRUCE Oh, I know this joke! It's because toad computers ... BRUISER and BRUCE ... are idiot-proof! The baboons have a laugh. Bruiser starts guffawing, and Bruce is having a chortling fit. They have a good time until Bruiser tries to give Bruce a slap on the back. His hand passes right through Bruce. The move stopped any evidence of hilarity, and the baboons get serious again. BRUISER Better get back t' work. Bruiser types into a computer console. BRUISER Hmm, it sez here dat dis is a toad testing facility. BRUCE Testing what? The baboons look at the computer screen. It shows the schematic of a huge, mean-looking cannon. BRUISER It sez here dat it's a hyperspatial particle cannon. It's designed to fire a beam through hyperspace so's nothing could block it. One shot's enough to obliterate a good-sized city. BRUCE Very impressive. BRUISER Dere's only one prototype, though. It needs special parts. The power generator's made up of dese three rare metals, and dey've used up most of their supply. I don't think dey could make another cannon even if dey wanted to. BRUCE Lucky for the aniverse. OK, now dat ya have it, what do ya plan to do with it? BRUISER (thinks for a while) Radio the UAC for its pickup, I guess. Whut else could I do? Bruiser looks crestfallen, and Bruce notices immediately. BRUCE Whut's wrong? BRUISER Dis isn't the way I wanted dis ta be. BRUCE Whut do ya mean? BRUISER (aimlessly types on the computer) I'm supposed ta stop a major threat or sumthin', not turn in a broken cannon. How am I gonna face ... Bruiser suddenly stops and stares at the computer screen. Glowing words start flashing on the screen. BRUISER Oh no! Dis cannon ain't inoperative. It's active! Da toadies must have turned it on before dey left! BRUCE (leans over to look at the computer) Can you stop it from here? BRUISER (frantically types for a while then stands up) It's not possible! We have ta go to da main testing lab! Bruiser and Bruce quickly leave the communications center and race to the main lab. They're running as fast as they can, but Bruiser is visibly tired. He lags, but Bruce paces him. BRUISER (chest heaving) It's ... times like dese ... dat I'm glad ... I got ... company ... BRUCE (staring forward) Save your breath, brudder. I think we're here! Bruiser and Bruce emerge from a balcony. The room before them is a huge circular dome. They recognize the hyperspatial cannon at once. It's the only piece of equipment housed in the center of the dome, and it's huge. Its tip is glowing, and electrodes around it are crackling. The whole apparatus is humming. Bruiser sees the computer console at its base. BRUISER (points) Dere! Dat must be the controls! Bruiser leaps from the balcony. He lands softly but kneels down in pain. He grasps at his leg. BRUCE (suddenly appearing at Bruiser's side) You OK? BRUISER (lets go of his leg and limps to the controls) No time ta worry about that now ... Bruiser staggers bravely toward the weapon, but before he can even get twenty paces from the cannon, a circle of lights starts to flare up around the base. The humming sound builds up. BRUISER No! It's a defense shield! Bruiser tries to run, but his injured leg hinders him. He isn't able to reach the controls before the circle lights up and an electrified barrier is activated. He narrowly misses being electrocuted as beams of electricity crisscross around the cannon. BRUISER (pounds on the floor) I shoulda been more careful! Now I can't reach the cannon! BRUCE Can't do anything about that. What else? BRUISER Schematics. We need ta see the schematics. Bruiser and Bruce reach a nearby computer. They hear a noise, and they look up. Above them, the dome has opened, revealing the emptiness of space. The hyperspatial cannon raises itself up on its axis and rotates on its base, pointing to the stars and selecting its target. The humming intensifies, and the lights flare brighter. BRUISER (glancing at the computer) It sez here that the cannon has only one target: Genus. BRUCE How much time before it fires? BRUISER Less'n five minutes. BRUCE Can't you shut it down? BRUISER No. Once the charge builds up, dere's no way to stop it. BRUCE How 'bout altering its trajectory? BRUISER Not even. It's no use trying ta mess with the cannon's programming. Everythin's been locked down. BRUCE Genus is doomed then, is dat it? Bruiser is quiet. The only sound to be heard is the humming of the cannon and the crackling of the electric barrier. Bruce stares at Bruiser, then starts to turn away. BRUISER (suddenly speaks up) Wait. I got an idea. Bruiser starts typing on the computer, nearly wrecking the buttons in his frenzy. BRUCE Whut kind of an idea? BRUISER I'm gonna try and use da perimeter force field from here. If I can activate it, den I can cover up dis base and deflect the cannon's particle beam. BRUCE (mulls the idea over and looks up, impressed) That's incredible! Any other berserker would have just trashed the computer, thinking he could accidentally turn the machine off. Good thinkin', brudder! BRUISER (smiles) Well, I wouldn't have da strength ta smash anything anyway. (presses some final keys) Dere! It's done. The baboons look up. Amid the cannon's glowing tip, they see the flicker of the force field from outside the open dome. The whole base is force-shielded. BRUISER Dat should prevent the beam from leaving. BRUCE (something dawns to him and he looks at Bruiser) But now da particle beam will have no place to go 'cept downwards, back t' da base. Everything here will be vaporized. BRUISER (quietly) I know. BRUCE This is what you wanted, isn't it? BRUISER (looks Bruce in the eyes) Do ya even have to ask that? You know why I'm here. BRUCE Do I? BRUISER (gets furious again) Stop it, Bruce! You're smarter'n I am! You're smarter than anybody, than any other baboon in Betelgeusia! All baboons become berserkers! Dat's our planetary pride! To be strong and tough and mean! But you! You're da only berserker who ever went t' warp engineering! Everybody said ya wuz crazy! Crazy and stupid! (talks quietly again) But ya wuzn't crazy or stupid. Ya passed. With highest honors. Ya became a warp engineer. Commendations and everythin'. Nobody came ta your graduation, 'cept our mom. I didn't go. I wuz ashamed of you. BRUCE I understand. BRUISER (gets mad again) Would ya stop saying dat! Ya don't understand! You're dead! Dead! Ya died in The Righteous Indignation, working on da freakin' warp drive! Dey never found your body! BRUCE Dat's not true. I wuz pulled inta another dimension. BRUISER Dat's whut dey said. Dat's whut dey told us. Me and Mom. We came ta Genus ta your warrior's recognition ceremony, y'know. Mom kept crying and crying. Me? I wuz just angry. Angry dat ya let yourself die like dat. On Betelgeusia, nobody considered you a hero. Your name wuzn't carved on da Woods of Honor. I wuz furious. You wuz my brudder. I hated ya for being who ya were, but ya were still my brudder. I had ta take your place. I joined da crew of da Righteous Indignation and fought da toads with Bucky O' Hare. We won battles. I got awards. Dey made me da model of a perfect berserker baboon. I even got ta teach new recruits once. Bruiser sags, like his legs can no longer carry his weight. He sinks to the floor. BRUISER But I wuz living under yer shadow. I did it for you. Nobody gave you your dues. You were different. And you were gone. I still hated you, but everything I did, I did it in your honor. Because nobody else would. This is for your memory, Bruce. 'Cuz you're my brudder. I wanted ya ta be proud of me. But you're dead. Bruiser stops. He's kneeling on the floor, head held low and tears falling from his eyes. Bruce kneels down beside him and talks softly and quietly. BRUCE Is dat why you're going to kill yourself? Ya came ta dis toad installation for a suicide mission? BRUISER Yeah. I wuz poisoned. Didn't know how bad. But when I saw you, I knew I wuz dying. Why else would ya be here except ta prepare me for the next world? BRUCE Is dat whut you think? Bruce suddenly laughs. Bruiser looks stricken, and Bruce cuts him off before he can say another word. BRUCE (smiles) Look, Bruiser. Brudder. I am proud of ya. Not as much as Mom, but dat's understandable. I know ya did a lot a good stuff while I wuz away, and I know ya did it for me. You're a hero. Ya don't need anybody ta tell you that. You can see it for yourself. But ya want ta receive yer hero's funeral in my honor? Then don't do it. BRUISER Whut? BRUCE Look. I never cared whut other people thought of me. I wuz different, but I wuz doing whut I thought wuz right for me. I got da starfruit 'cuz you were hurt and I didn't want anybody else ta get hurt. I joined da Academy 'cuz I liked quantum physics. I operated da photon accelerator and died believing in my cause. Now, ya think that you can die so you could honor my memory? So's other people could remember me? Where's da respect in dat? BRUISER But it's da only way anybody's going ta know dat you're a hero ... BRUCE Dat's whut other people think, and dat doesn't matter. Whut matters is whut you think yourself. BRUISER But ... BRUCE (gets exasperated) Fine! Bruiser, listen ta me! If dat's whut you believe then, do ya think I'll still respect you if ya throw your life away on purpose? Bruiser and Bruce remain quiet for a long time. BRUISER You're right. BRUCE Of course. BRUISER But dere's nothing else I can do about it. BRUCE Dat's not true. Think, Bruiser, think. Bruiser thinks. All he has to do is reach beyond the force field. The field will block the beam and contain the blast. But he knows there's no way he can reach the edge of the base before the cannon fires, not with his injured leg. He's already trapped inside the field. But the force field is designed to keep things out, not to keep things in. That's the brilliance of his plan. He had reversed the idea. But what if he reversed it again? Bruiser lifts himself up and immediately starts operating the force field controls again, as fast as he can. His hands are shaking uncontrollably, but he can't stop them now. Bruce watches over him. Seconds slip away. The brothers hear the humming reach its final crescendo. They look at the cannon. The cannon tip glows red hot as it reaches its critical point. Bruiser presses the last of the buttons with his shaking fingers and looks at Bruce. BRUISER (whispering) I'm doing this ta make you proud of me, Bruce ... Bruce reaches his arm behind Bruiser and hits him. Bruiser is surprised, because he actually feels it. Bruce is solid. Bruce gives Bruiser a final, reassuring slap on the back. BRUCE I am proud, Bruiser ... The cannon fires. The beam hits the force field and is deflected downward. The last thing Bruiser sees is a blinding white light. The last thing he hears is his brother's voice. BRUCE But I'll be even prouder if you survive ... Everything burns white, and then it turns dark. SCENE 11 - QUARENTUS Time passes. It's still as dark as space without stars, but Bruiser slowly opens his eyes. Everything's hazy and out of focus. He blinks and tries to rub his eyes, but his arms feel very heavy. VOICE Bruiser? Are you all right? Bruiser squints and imagines seeing Bruce's face looking at him. BRUISER Bruce? VOICE No, Bruiser. It's Bucky. Gradually, everything becomes much clearer. The hazy shape in front of him really is Bucky. Beside him is Jenny, Deadeye, Willy, and Blinky, all looking very relieved and happy. BRUISER Hi, everybody ... DEADEYE Ach, matey! You gave us such a scare there for while. JENNY We couldn't find you. You hid your tracks well. We were able to ask Dexter, but he could only point us in the general direction. If it wasn't for that energy flare we saw, we might not have found you on this planetoid. WILLY It was weird. There was nothing but scorched earth and charred debris everywhere. And you were in the center of it all, in this force field bubble. We thought you were dead. BUCKY The bubble disappeared when we got close. There were some pieces of equipment left inside the bubble, one of them being part of a computer. We were able to piece together what happened, with the hyperspatial cannon and all. Good work, Bruiser. WILLY You took a chance, though, making that secondary force field to cover that section you were in. What would have happened if the machine failed or force field disappeared before the blast was finished? You would have been killed. JENNY But the bubble did hold on, even without the machine, that is, until we arrived. Dr. Ankler bursts inside. He waves his arms around. DR. ANKLER Please! The patient needs his rest. Everybody out! DEADEYE Hey, don't throw us out! DR. ANKLER (shoving at the closest warm body) No exceptions. Bruiser must regain his strength if we are to find the cure for the toad poison. Deadeye winks at the others, then slaps Dr. Ankler in the back in a friendly fashion. DEADEYE Hey, Doc! How *do* ya account for the toxin disappearing from Bruiser's body? I'd love to hear your theories again. Dr. Ankler fixes his glasses, pleased at the attention he's getting and thereby distracted from shooing everybody away. DR. ANKLER Well, it might have been exposure to whatever elements the cannon was emitting, or it could be the exertion on Bruiser's part burning out the poison; then again, the adrenaline discharges combined with the ... In a corner, Willy whispers to Jenny. WILLY How *did* Bruiser survive the poison? I thought it was fatal. JENNY I'm in the dark as much as the doctor, but I do sense ... a spiritual hand in it. Bucky sits on Bruiser's bed. BUCKY Bruiser. If you knew you were poisoned, why'd you run away? BRUISER It wuz something I thought I had ta do. But I know I wuz wrong now. Sorry 'bout that, Captain. BUCKY (laughs) Just don't do it again. We don't want out favorite Betelgeusian going off on suicide missions. DR. ANKLER (still droning) ... or it could just be a combination of all fourteen scenarios, in which case, we have to test them all out and ... Dr. Ankler catches Deadeye stifling a laugh behind him and realizes that he's been tricked. DR. ANKLER Hey! Didn't I tell you guys to leave?! Out! Out! Dr. Ankler succeeds in moving the crew out. Bucky starts to stand up. BUCKY Looks like we have to go. Take care, Bruiser. BRUISER Thanks, Bucky. BUCKY (reaches for something in his pocket) Oh, I almost forgot. I picked this up in the debris in your bubble. It didn't look like any old piece of junk, so I thought it might be yours. Bucky drops the object in Bruiser's hands and leaves. Bruiser slowly looks at the object and turns it around and around in his hand. It's a piece of metal, melted and molded by the extreme heat and pressure caused by the blast. And it's shaped just like a perfect miniature starfruit. Bruiser leans back and closes his eyes as the door quietly slams shut. He dreams. He dreams that he sees his brother Bruce standing in front of him, grinning and looking well. Bruce is telling him something, talking softly. Bruiser can barely make out the words. BRUCE I'm proud of you, brudder. Very proud. Bruiser sleeps. He smiles. He already knows the words. His hands grip lightly on the starfruit, and they are no longer shaking. THE END