"Fowl Play" by WatsonSword Additions by Fero McPiglet and Kooshmeister First draft - 12/30/09 Second draft - 1/18/10 Final draft - 1/21/10 Edited by Rygar SCENE 1 - MALLARD TERRITORY, DEEP SPACE The Iron Vulture, a Corsair Canard galleon, sails between the systems of the Kanopis and Rigel constellations as it patrols mallard territory for signs of toad activity. On the bridge of the galleon, LANEL, in her green overcoat and purple-frilled hat, sits in her chair. She leans to the side and props her head up on her right paws, her eyes half-closed. She is bored out of her mind. LANEL (grumbling) Stupid ... frelling ... toads. It's been silent for months. Why can't they just attack or do something, not leave us here to pace empty space back and forth. BLACKBEAK, a large Corsair Canard with a red bandana and a missing leg, sits at the sensor station. Something catches his eye. BLACKBEAK Cap'n! I be pickin' up an asteroid, four kilometers in diameter. Lanel sits up in her chair, now interested. LANEL A four-klicker so far away from any gravity well? BLACKBEAK That's what the sensors say. LANEL Well, it's not like we have anything better to do. Get close to it for a deep scan. BLACKBEAK Aye-aye, Cap'n. Blackbeak nods to a nearby four-armed duck PILOT at navigation, who nods back. The pilot works his console, and the galleon approaches an asteroid many times its size. The galleon dives down to intercept it. A light shines from beneath the rubble of the asteroid surface, and debris is dislodged as a giant alloy mouth opens to fire a bright blue tractor beam at the galleon. Onboard, alarms blare and red lights flash. The galleon bridge shakes, and four-armed ducks struggle to avoid being thrown from their seats. LANEL (screaming) Full reverse, ye dolt! PILOT (screaming) 'Tis in full reverse! We're still bein' pulled in! BLACKBEAK (screaming) What the hell's goin' on!? LANEL (screaming) It must be a toad mothership in disguise! It's got us in its tractor beam! PILOT (screaming) Our engines ain't strong enough t'resist that! Lanel beats her right fists on her chair. LANEL (screaming) Frell! The toad tractor beam pulls the galleon into the alloy mouth, which closes, sealing the ship inside. SCENE 2 - BRIDGE, TOAD MOTHERSHIP Aboard the bridge of the disguised toad mothership, rock and ice obscure the windows, and the crew operates by sensors alone. FRIX sits at a terminal as FRAX leans over the chair. They ogle with glossy eyes over a Toad TV commercial: Toad supermodel VERUCA DARLING rubs a paw over a male toad's face while holding an aerosol can in the other. VERUCA (lurid) I just *looove* a toad who can exude mounds of hot, masculine slime. And with new Diaphoresium, you too can ooze out more sweet, sticky slime than you or your lucky lady will know what to do with. Veruca sprays the male toad's neck and rubs it as it begins foaming green slime. FRAX Oh, Veruca! I'll buy all the Diaphoresium in the aniverse just for an afternoon with you. FRIX I can't wait that long! Frix grabs and licks the monitor repeatedly just as KOMPLEX suddenly appears on it. KOMPLEX (stern but irritated) What are you doing, Frix? Frix and Frax leap back, scream, and fall onto the floor. FRIX and FRAX (frightened) KOMPLEX! FRAX (frightened) I'm so sorry! FRIX (frightened) I'll clean you off right now! Frix and Frax sit up on their knees and frantically wipe the drool off the monitor with their sleeves. KOMPLEX (vexed) I should have you both re-lobotomized. But that pleasure will have to wait for another time. Summon the Air Marshal. Hearing, the Air Marshal approaches. He pushes Frix and Frax aside, then stands straight and salutes the monitor. AIR MARSHAL I'm here, Oh Mighty KOMPLEX. KOMPLEX Has the first phase of your current mission been successful? AIR MARSHAL Yes, Oh Mighty KOMPLEX. FRIX We're on a mission? I thought this was just a joyride. FRAX Yeah, I was wondering why we were flyin' through duck space. AIR MARSHAL I thought I explained this to you idiots. This is all part of our new strategy to use subterfuge to attack the mammals. Kanopis III belongs to the Corsair Canards and the Ninja Ducks, both of whom are loyal to the UAC. If we can trick them into attacking each other, it will destroy their relationship, create a mess for the mammals to deal with, and strengthen our position in this sector. KOMPLEX Sending the former allies to war, and ridding us of the mallard nuisance. I do like this plan, Air Marshal. FRIX Pirates versus ninjas? That sounds awesome! His information obtained, KOMPLEX disappears from the screen, just in time for the ending of Veruca Darling's newest commercial. Veruca assumes a pose with one eye shut, holding out the aerosol can. VERUCA (lurid) So hurry up and buy a can or three of Diaphoresium today. (giggles) You won't regret it. The Air Marshal sighs as he exits the room. SCENE 3 - THE DUWITT RESIDENCE, SAN FRANCISCO, EARTH WILLY DUWITT stands halfway up the staircase and looks down at DR. DAVID DUWITT and MRS. SUSAN DUWITT at the base of the stairs. Willy's parents look at him pleadingly, while Willy looks back in irritation. WILLY I already told you. I went back, and I'm going to keep going back. DR. DUWITT We never said you couldn't. We just wanted a reason for it. WILLY Aren't you the one who said, "Some things are worth doing, no matter what the cost?" DR. DUWITT You were talking about a school project then, not fighting in an intergalactic war! MRS. DUWITT We just want to know why, Willy. Why are you doing this? Why does it mean so much to you? WILLY It's hard to explain, OK? I just ... I have to. DR. DUWITT That's not right, Willy, and you know it. I don't think you even know why you're going back. (beat) Can we please just talk? All I want is for us to talk about this. Then you can do whatever you please. Willy hesitates, then walks down the stairs. WILLY I just don't know what else to do, OK? Spending time with you guys has really been a breath of fresh air, but let's face it, Dad, I'm not like you guys. I've gone to your rallies. I've done yoga and meditated. I've tried, and none of it has ever meant anything to me. The only thing that has ever meant anything to me has been spending time in the aniverse. MRS. DUWITT It sounds to me like you've latched on to this other world because you're disconnected from your own. You don't know how to tap into the energy here on Earth. Willy pauses. WILLY I ... guess that makes sense. DR. DUWITT You still haven't made any friends at school, have you? WILLY The kids at school aren't like me either, Dad. I don't know them, and they don't know me. MRS. DUWITT You used to spend time with that one girl, right? Susie? WILLY Mom, that was like five years ago. I don't even know where she goes to high school. DR. DUWITT Well, maybe she'll be at the junior high reunion this weekend. WILLY The what? DR. DUWITT The junior high reunion. You should go. WILLY I don't know what you're talking about. DR. DUWITT You haven't checked your mail stack in weeks, Willy. Maybe you should. WILLY You guys went through my mail?! DR. DUWITT Willy, it's a big yellow envelope that says "Francisco Middle School Reunion" and this Saturday's date in huge letters on it. I'd have to be blind to miss it. WILLY Oh. Willy walks over to the kitchen and looks at the stack of mail for him. It's only got a few letters in it, including a large yellow envelope. He hesitates for a second, then opens it. WILLY (reading) Wow. I haven't thought about this place in years. MRS. DUWITT That was around when you started going to the aniverse, right? WILLY Yeah, it was. DR. DUWITT So that's really the last time you paid attention to people in your class. WILLY I guess. But I really only knew Susie and a couple other people. And it's not like I knew them well enough to keep in touch with them. DR. DUWITT Well, here's your chance. WILLY (reading) Are you serious, Dad? If I go to this thing, I'm either going to get ignored, or I'm going to get beaten up. MRS. DUWITT Please, Willy. If ... if your family isn't a strong enough connection to keep you interested in staying on Earth more, then maybe some friends will help. It's not the worst place to start. WILLY I already have friends here! Scott is my friend. DR. DUWITT The one you can only see once a month because his aunt won't let him leave the house? WILLY So? DR. DUWITT (closes his eyes) We're not getting anywhere with this. Look, Willy. We'll make a deal with you. Go to this thing, and try to rekindle some of your old friendships, and we'll stop bothering you about the aniverse. MRS. DUWITT (interrupts) We'll stop asking why. We won't stop checking on you or seeing how you're doing. DR. DUWITT But please, just give your home dimension a chance. The aniverse doesn't have to rule your life. Willy finishes reading the contents of the envelope, then puts them down on the counter. He mulls the idea over in his head for a minute. WILLY Fine. I guess there's no harm, really. (beat) You know it's not that I'm mad at you or anything, right? It's just hard to explain the aniverse to ... well, to anyone. MRS. DUWITT Son, we've been there, and you still wouldn't be able to explain it to us. We're just doing this because we love you. WILLY (smiles) I know. SCENE 4 - BRIDGE, THE RIGHTEOUS INDIGNATION GUNNER DEADEYE DUCK stands hunched over between the captain's and pilot's seats. He slams his fists against the console, causing the view screen image of CHAIRMAN SIRIUS DOGSTAR to flicker. DEADEYE (shouting) I can't believe it! I ain't gonna believe it! There's no way in all the aniverse that'd ever happen! CAPTAIN BUCKY O'HARE and FIRST MATE JENNY -- in their seats -- lay their paws on Deadeye's shoulders, trying to calm him. BUCKY Calm down, Deadeye! JENNY There has to be a rational explanation for this! Deadeye flails his arms about to shake off Bucky and Jenny's paws. DEADEYE (shouting) O' course there's a rational explanation! This bilge-suckin' bulldog's lyin' to us! That's the explanation! DOGSTAR (over comm) Now see here, Deadeye. I won't tolerate being insulted. Like it or not, it's the truth. The Corsair Canards and the Ninja Ducks are at war. And to drive the point home, the Canards have just attacked a UAC cargo freighter filled with medical supplies, to give them the edge in this conflict. DEADEYE (shouting) But we've all been best buds fer ... fer ages! There's no way it could all end so easy! DOGSTAR Well, apparently it both can and has. BUCKY I don't know, Dogstar. I'm going to have to side with Deadeye on this one. He would know this matter better than anyone, and if this friendship is as strong as he's boasting, than there's no way it could be broken without something fishy going on. DOGSTAR You think the toads might be rearing their vile green heads? BUCKY I hope so. We still need to get them back for what happened to Birma and her crew. DOGSTAR Well, if you feel so strongly about the issue, then I'm giving you permission to abandon your patrol duties to investigate. Dogstar out. The screen deactivates. Deadeye stomps, paces, and rambles, not noticing Willy climbing up to the bridge at that moment. DEADEYE (angry) That dirty, mangy, flea-ridden, latrine-slurpin' mutt! I ought'a ... WILLY (interrupting) What's going on? Deadeye looks at Willy. This is the first time he's seen the human in months. DEADEYE (cheerful) Willy, me boy! Just the sight me sore eyes needed. Deadeye waddles over and pats Willy on the back. WILLY (a bit surprised) Deadeye. It's great to see you, too. BUCKY (somber) Willy. I didn't think you'd be back so soon. Not after what happened the last time you were here. Deadeye gives Bucky a look but says nothing. Willy approaches the cockpit. He bites his lip and looks away from Bucky. WILLY No matter how crazy this place gets, the aniverse is my home. But right now, I came to finish talking about what I didn't get to last time. BUCKY You mean about you quitting? WILLY (irritated) Resigning, not quitting. If anyone's earned the right to resign from this fleet, I have. DEADYE (surprised) Willy, me boy! Ye can't leave us! We need ye! WILLY Sorry, Deadeye, but ... DEADEYE The Corsair Canards are in trouble! Ye've gotta help! WILLY What? (beat) Oh, no. No. The last time I was here, the Aldebarans were in trouble. Now the Canards? I've got to draw the line somewhere. DEADEYE But yer an honorary Canard! WILLY That was years ago! Besides, don't you guys have a new engineer? I mean, I haven't met him, but considering the scrapes you guys get in, he's gotta be good if you're all still in one piece. BUCKY You didn't meet him when your door appeared? He must be in the cargo bay. You should meet him. (into comm) Mike, can you come up here for a second? MIKE (over comm) Sure, be right up! A moment later, ENGINEER MIKE MARISON climbs into the already- crowded cockpit. He does a double take upon seeing Willy. MIKE Oh my gosh! You're Willy DuWitt! Mike hops up off the ladder. The eager young cat comes up to Willy, gushing. MIKE (extending a paw) It's such an honor to meet you! You're a legend! I mean ... ah, sorry. You probably get this from everyone. WILLY (smiling) Not really, no. It's kind of nice, I guess. MIKE I'm Mike Marison, the ship's engineer. (beat, his ears drooping) Though I guess, if you're back ... WILLY No, no. I'm retired. The ship is all yours. JENNY You know, Willy, maybe you and Mike could work together on this mission. It'd be a nice way to officially pass the torch, so to speak, and I'm sure Mike would enjoy the opportunity. MIKE Would I! Man, I'd love to just talk to you for five minutes! I've learned so much from working the mark-5, and reconstructing Blinky ... WILLY (winces) He got dismantled again? MIKE You didn't hear? Man, have I got a story to tell you! WILLY (turning to Jenny) Speaking of stories, what's up with the Canards? JENNY Well, it would seem the Corsair Canards and Ninja Ducks of the Rigel and Kanopis constellations have broken their alliance and are now at war. DEADEYE (shouting) But there ain't no way they'd do that! BUCKY Like I said, Deadeye, there has to be an outside influence at work. WILLY You know, I don't really know too much about the Ninja Ducks ... DEADEYE Well then, have a seat, matey, and I'll tell ye all about 'em! Willy sits cross-legged on the floor, leaning against the wall, while Deadeye begins his story. Time passes as Deadeye speaks. Willy now sits with his legs outstretched. WILLY And even your home world is split between them? DEADEYE Aye! Right down the middle, it is. And we always help each other out, no matter what. MIKE Sounds like we need to help them for once, so they can get back on good terms with each other. BUCKY Let's do it, then. Willy and Mike, to your stations. Deadeye, stay up here. MIKE Oh, boy! Come on, Willy. I've got some stuff to show you ... WILLY (sighs) OK. One last mission. But I am not walking into any traps, and the *second* it's over, I want a private audience with Dogstar. BUCKY Agreed. We'll keep you out of trouble, Willy. Willy shakes his head slightly as he follows Mike down the ladder. Bucky taps a few buttons on his console while Deadeye watches over his shoulder. DEADEYE So what's the plan, Cap'n? BUCKY I'm going to try to contact the Corsair Canard starbase on Rigel VII. JENNY You think they'll listen? BUCKY It's worth a shot. (into comm) This is Captain Bucky O'Hare of the S.P.A.C.E. frigate The Righteous Indignation. A heavyset CORSAIR CANARD with a frill of white feathers similar to a beard answers the comm. CANARD (over comm) The Corsair Canards be havin' more important matters to tend to than meetin' an' greetin' wi' UAC snobs an' AWOL pirates like ye! Deadeye sneers at the comment. BUCKY Yes, I know. The mallards are in a civil war. CANARD That's none o' yer business, O'Hare! The treaty wi' the UAC be nay more. We got a ship t' find. Until then, all deals be off! The comm screen deactivates. Bucky leans back in his chair and strokes his chin in thought. BUCKY A ship to find ... like a missing ship? JENNY Or a captured ship. DEADEYE (grumbling) Not captured by Ninja Ducks, I guarantee ye that! BUCKY (snaps his fingers) Well then, let's get the Ninja Ducks' side of the story. Deadeye, you know a pretty influential Ninja Duck, right? Deadeye stares quizzically at Bucky for a moment before smiling and nodding. DEADEYE Gimme the seat. Bucky stands from the captain's chair, allowing Deadeye to sit in it. Deadeye presses a few buttons as Bucky watches over his shoulder. BUCKY That's not a normal signal. DEADEYE Me matey Kamikaze Kamo's got at least a dozen different encryptions, and this one's the biggest whopper he's got. He only gives it to people he trusts with his life. Bucky smiles and nods at Jenny. KAMIKAZE KAMO, a four-armed Ninja Duck in a full green suit, answers the comm. Kamo's eyes widen momentarily when he sees Deadeye smiling back at him. KAMO (shocked, over comm) Deadeye Duck!? DEADEYE (into comm) How ya' doin', ol' buddy? KAMO Officially, I am not supposed to be talking to you. DEADEYE An' unofficially? KAMO I always have time for my blood brother. DEADEYE Ha hah! Just what I wanted t' hear. Me an' Cap'n O'Hare're tryin' t' get to the bottom o' this civil war mess. We just got off the horn with the Corsair Canards, an' they said one of their ships went missin'. KAMO It would explain much. The war began when a Canard galleon attacked an outpost of ours. Oddly, the crew did not try to board the station or give any ultimatums. In fact, they did not communicate in any way. BUCKY How much you want to bet the toads hijacked it? KAMO I see your logic, Captain O'Hare. It would be an insidious and ingenious way for the toads to eliminate their enemies here. The only troubling matter is we cannot prove this without the missing galleon. DEADEYE Then whaddaya say we come down there and work this out duck to duck? KAMO I would appreciate any assistance. I will give you routes, time slots, and clearance codes that should bypass Ninja Duck security. I look forward to seeing you again, Deadeye. The comm screen flickers and shuts down. Bucky and Jenny stare at Deadeye quizzically. BUCKY What was that about you and Kamo being blood brothers? Deadeye averts his gaze and grits his teeth, not wanting to answer the question. DEADEYE (awkward) Er ... that's ... kind of a stupid story, but Kamo just insisted on it. JENNY Where did you two meet? DEADEYE At a bar fight, actually. I saved him from some puffin wit' a galley knife, and the next thing I know, he wants us to shake our bleedin' paws together! Bucky turns back to his console and looks at the readings. BUCKY Well, that's that. Report back to the gunner's chambers, Deadeye. Hopefully, we'll need you in there soon. SCENE 5 - KAMIKAZE KAMO'S SCHOOL OF NINJUTSU, KANOPIS III Bucky, Jenny, Deadeye, Willy, Mike, BRUISER, and AFC BLINKY follow Kamo up grassy foothills where Ninja Duck trainees in red, blue, black, and green garb spar and train. The Righteous crew looks back and forth among the various activities as they converse with Kamo. BUCKY So just how exactly are we supposed to find this missing ship? BLINKY Is possible that evidence of its whereabouts is located within Corsair Canard space. KAMO Indeed. However, the Corsair Canard sensor network is advanced enough that a ship such as The Righteous Indignation would not slip past undetected. BRUISER Couldn't we just tell 'em we're there to help 'em look for it? BUCKY It doesn't sound like they're in any sort of friendly mood. WILLY (thinking) Wait! That gives me an idea. But we'll need to contact Dogstar again. BUCKY Be my guest. Bucky stops and stares in confusion at several Ninja Duck trainees spinning large revolving door frames as fast as they can. BUCKY (confused, pointing) What are they doing? Kamo looks where Bucky is pointing. KAMO A ninja can slam a revolving door. Kamo moves on as Bucky stays put, staring dumbfounded at the bizarre training routine. Deadeye leans against Bucky's shoulder. DEADEYE Don't ask for an explanation, 'cuz there ain't any. Deadeye moves on. Bucky blinks again, then looks at the school ahead. It is a giant square building with red walls, gold trim, and a black pyramidal roof. SCENE 6 - LOBBY, KAMIKAZE KAMO'S SCHOOL OF NINJUTSU, KANOPIS III The lobby is a large, sparsely decorated rectangular room with moss-green walls, large windows, and hardwood floors. Bucky, Jenny, Willy, and Mike sit on yellow bolster pillows around a matte black kotatsu table with an empty vase in the center. The tension is thick. BUCKY So is this guy coming, or not? We've been here for ten minutes. JENNY Bucky, be patient. MIKE Are you guys gonna start squabbling again? BUCKY (closes his eyes) Stay out of this, Mike. Willy holds his tongue. Finally, Kamo enters through the sliding door. The tension lets up a little. KAMO Deadeye is in my private chambers, so as not to attract suspicion from the other Ninja Ducks. Where are the baboon and android? BUCKY Bruiser went looking for bananas, and Blinky followed him to make sure he didn't break anything. KAMO I am sorry to say I do not cache bananas at my school. MIKE That's what we figured. I told him, but he never listens to me. WILLY Heh. He never listens to me, either. KAMO Would you like anything from our attendant? BUCKY Some tea would be nice. Where is he? KAMO (looks at Willy) You are sitting on him. Willy stands up to find his bolster pillow unfold into the yellow-garbed Ninja Duck BAKA OSHIRI, who bows to Willy. Willy falls over onto the table in shock. WILLY (surprised) Holy shit! Sorry! BAKA OSHIRI I consider it part of training. MIKE (to himself) Wow, Willy gets tripped up by that kinda stuff, too? I thought it was just me. Kamo takes a folded paper fan from his pocket and hits Baka Oshiri across the face with it. KAMO (shouting) You do not train unsupervised, Oshiri! BAKA OSHIRI (kneeling) I am sorry, Master. It will not happen again. Kamo hits Baka Oshiri with the fan again. KAMO See that it does not. Now go prepare tea for our guests. BAKA OSHIRI (still bowing) Yes, Master! Baka Oshiri runs out of the lobby. Bucky and Jenny look dumbfounded at each other. KAMO I apologize for that. Willy gets up and sits back down on the floor. WILLY That's all right. I just wanted to know where the computer in this room is supposed to be. Kamo reaches into the vase and twists a latch inside. The vase unfolds into an oddly shaped terminal. Bucky, Willy, and Jenny stare at it in disbelief. MIKE Oh, hey, you got one of those Conceal-a-Comps. A friend of mine was on the design team for those. KAMO (nods) You are free to use it in any way you see fit. (bows) Now, if you shall excuse me, I must see to the further scolding of your attendant. Kamo hurries out of the lobby through the sliding glass door. Bucky sighs and drops his head into his paw. BUCKY What is with these Ninja Ducks? WILLY I have no idea. SCENE 7 - CHAIRMAN DOGSTAR'S OFFICE Chairman Dogstar sits in his office with the seven LIAISONS that keep him connected to the new S.P.A.C.E. frigates under his command. The meeting appears to be wrapping up. DOGSTAR Very good, then. I shall see you all this same time next week. The liaisons shuffle out. Dogstar waits for the door to close, then leans back in his chair. DOGSTAR This would be so much more interesting if there was actually anything going on with any of those ships. Just then, the comm on his desk goes off. He leans forward and answers it. Willy is on the screen. DOGSTAR (into comm) Chairman Dogstar here. Oh, Willy, my boy. How are things? WILLY (over comm) Not bad, yet. I need a favor from you. DOGSTAR Go ahead. WILLY We figured out someone hijacked a Corsair Canard galleon and used it to attack the Ninja Ducks. DOGSTAR (almost hopeful) Toads? WILLY We think so, but we can only go through Ninja Duck territory. We have to get to the Canards to find what we need. DOGSTAR What are you suggesting? WILLY I want you to doctor up a phony treaty saying the UAC wants to help the Corsair Canards fight the Ninja Ducks. Make it sound like you're desperate to get your only sovereign ally back. Dogstar stands and leans against the desk with an angry glare. DOGSTAR (angry) Now see here, Willy. I will neither perform nor condone any action that so blatantly defies the law, the esteem of the Security Council, and common morality! I should reprimand you just for suggesting this! WILLY You do realize this fake treaty will ultimately help repair the damage between these two sides? What's more, the Canards might even respect your use of a sly gambit to get what you want. And since we're not actually going to attack the Ninja Ducks, they're not going to care, either. Dogstar sits and thinks for a moment. DOGSTAR (beat) This request is highly unusual, Willy. But if you can think of no other options, I suppose I will look into it. I shall be in touch with you shortly. Dogstar ends the transmission. Back on Kanopis III, the screen on the terminal deactivates. WILLY Well, that's it, then. BUCKY (grumbling) I remember when Dogstar would create setups like these for fun, so long as no one on our side got hurt at the end. Being Chairman has changed him, and not for the better. Bucky stands and straightens his uniform and ears. BUCKY I'm going to go find Deadeye. He should take Kamo and Blinky into Canard space aboard the Righteous. The rest of us will stay here and keep a dialogue open with the new intelligence base on Betelgeusia. WILLY Bucky, shouldn't you go with Deadeye? You know, to make this seem more legit as a UAC mission. BUCKY Deadeye can handle himself with the Canards better than I can. Besides, I said we'd keep you out of trouble, right? This way, I can keep an eye on you. WILLY Bucky, you're not my dad, and you're not my Captain! BUCKY I'm the closest you have to both at the moment. WILLY (irritated) I don't have to put up with this crap. Come on, Mike. Let's head back to the ship. While we're waiting, I can show some more of the mark-5's tricks. Mike perks up a bit. MIKE Sure. Willy and Mike get up and exit. Jenny looks at Bucky, then sighs to herself, admiring the beauty of the fake vase. JENNY (thinking) A black rope descends onto the kotatsu table, and Baka Oshiri slides into the room with two paws, holding a porcelain platter and tea set in the other two. BAKA OSHIRI I have prepared tea for you, sirs. BUCKY Not thirsty. Baka Oshiri's shoulders droop. SCENE 8 - MAIN HANGAR, TOAD MOTHERSHIP The Air Marshal sits at his favorite screen, establishing a connection. The monitor bursts to live, showing PROFESSOR GLUTGRAVE. The thin toad scientist is bleary-eyed, as though he's pulled an all- nighter. GLUTGRAVE Air Marshal, what an unexpected ... AIR MARSHAL Forget the pleasantries, Professor. Let's cut right to the chase. I'm here to check up on your progress. Now, report. GLUTGRAVE I am afraid you've contacted us at a bad time. Glutgrave steps aside to reveal a laboratory with all manner of advanced-looking scientific equipment: wires and tubing snaking everywhere, endless panels of control consoles with blinking lights, toggles and switches, banks of computer monitors, etc. Toads in lab coats scurry about. In the center of the room is a large cylinder on a pivoting hydraulic platform. It has an opaque window on top. There are several more similar-looking cylinders arranged in a neat row nearby, but all are open and empty. Two toad scientists are monitoring it. GLUTGRAVE We've, uh, had to start over. AIR MARSHAL (startled) What?! What happened to the subject you were working on last time we spoke? Glutgrave looks a little nervous. GLUTGRAVE A resounding failure. Glutgrave points at two lab assistants carrying a sheet-covered form to a large circular pool in the middle of the room, filled with a dark-colored fluid. Together, the two assistants heave the shrouded form in. It lands with a slimy splash and sinks as the surrounding fluids bubble and steam. GLUTGRAVE The grafting didn't take. The Air Marshal growls. AIR MARSHAL (furious) You ruined a perfectly good ... GLUTGRAVE (defensively) I already explained to you, Air Marshal, that the process is very complicated and time-consuming. Many factors can cause something to go wrong, forcing us to start over. And at least we're at the actual production run! You should've been here when we were still in the test phases. (irritated) We've made a lot of progress, and we're nearing the final stages. This is a very complicated procedure we're trying to pull off. (quickly) And before you mention Phase One, the fact we're having to adhere to a specific template this time isn't helping us work any faster. The Air Marshal looks close to exploding. AIR MARSHAL KOMPLEX has no time for scientists who make pathetic excuses! And neither do I! Now, either you find a way to make the process work, or I'll find someone who ... Interrupting suddenly, Glutgrave, losing his temper, hisses with a quiet fierceness that makes even the Air Marshal look a little uneasy. GLUTGRAVE Do you want it done fast, or do you want it done *right*? For a moment, the Air Marshal is struck speechless, then he nods. AIR MARSHAL All right, Professor, you've made your point. You'll be given more time. But I warn you, Phase Two had better be worth the wait. GLUTGRAVE (sighing) It will be. You know it will be. Still mad, the Air Marshal terminates the connection. Carrying his mood with him, he stands up and turns around, observing the activity in the hangar. Within the immense domed space, hovering forklifts and walking loaders carry machines and boxes to and fro. Toad engineers with vests filled with tools walk back and forth among the machines and boxes, using them and their contents to quickly assemble a mechanical giant several times larger than The Righteous Indignation. The giant's final form has yet to be seen. The Air Marshal runs back and forth, screaming at the engineers. AIR MARSHAL (screaming) Pick up the pace, you lazy saps! You're working for the glory of the Toad Empire! Get some grease on those paws! No breaks allowed until it's finished! Anyone I catch slacking will get their fly rations docked! A large monitor on a swingarm lowers from the ceiling behind the Air Marshal. KOMPLEX appears on the monitor. KOMPLEX Air Marshal! The Air Marshal tenses and grits his teeth. He slowly turns around with wide eyes and yelps when he sees KOMPLEX's face in front of him. AIR MARSHAL (nervous) Y-yes, Oh Mighty KOMPLEX? KOMPLEX Had you been paying attention to your sensors, you would know that The Righteous Indignation has arrived in the territory of the four-armed ducks. We cannot risk that meddling mammal and his crew exposing the cause of the mallard civil war. What is your contingency plan? AIR MARSHAL (proudly motioning toward the mechanical giant) Have a look at that! KOMPLEX (looking) What is it? AIR MARSHAL It's an amphibious assault mecha, armed to the titanium fangs! It has eight quadruple plasma cannons all swivel-equipped and with auto- tracking. If the four-armed ducks on Kanopis III are informed of our plans before they destroy themselves, I'll simply launch this mecha to finish them off! KOMPLEX (angry) I did not authorize this project! Air Marshal, do you remember when I told you not to engage in direct conflict unless absolutely necessary?! This gigantic monstrosity, in addition to being doomed to failure, presents a large target for the mammals. And they have destroyed every large target we have ever presented them with! AIR MARSHAL But KOMPLEX, this is the height of toad technology! It's built upon blueprints that I found going through Wi ... going through the human traitor's old notes. KOMPLEX (surprised) Blueprints? I remember no blueprints for a large assault construct. AIR MARSHAL Well, they weren't blueprints so much as doodles. But look at what we've been able to build from them! KOMPLEX You extrapolated this from idle doodling?! (simmering) Let me ask you this, Air Marshal. How will this failure compare to your previous ones when the ducks destroy the mecha? The Air Marshal's arms and back briefly stiffen in fright, but he quickly calms. AIR MARSHAL (nervous) I assure you, K-K-KOMPLEX, the ducks won't destroy it. It's armored with a full meter thick of aggregated neutronium nanorod cloth -- the same armor as this mothership! KOMPLEX's monitor rushes toward the Air Marshal, stopping inches from his face and making him fall over. KOMPLEX You had best be right about this, Air Marshal. The monitor deactivates, and the swingarm lifts it back to the ceiling. The Air Marshal falls onto his back and squeaks in relief. SCENE 9 - FOYER, KAMIKAZE KAMO'S SCHOOL OF NINJUTSU, KANOPIS III Bucky and Jenny sit side-by-side in front of the kotatsu table, looking at the vase unfolded into its terminal. DEXTER the octopus looks back at them from the monitor. Behind him are giant glass chambers and corridors filled with massive monitors and esoteric computer terminals, all manned by manatees. BUCKY (into comm) I haven't talked to you since the old Sludge base was destroyed, Dexter. How's the new base? Dexter averts his eyes from Bucky and Jenny. He works the console slower than usual. DEXTER (over comm, sullen) Ah, it's ... it's fine. The new base is at the bottom of Betelgeusia's Musa Trench, the deepest part of their ocean. It seems the UAC thought more about protection than secrecy when they stuck the base here. Even with their old goggles and their new genetic augmentations, the toads have never successfully attacked Betelgeusia. JENNY I hear the new base is five times bigger than the old one. DEXTER Well ... yes it is, with all the latest equipment. In my wildest dreams, I never imagined working in an environment this advanced. Dogstar must really be tossing simoleans at the military to get this place. But it's just ... it doesn't feel right working with the manatees. The manatees at once stop what their doing and look at Dexter. Dexter blinks and looks back at them. DEXTER (to manatees) No! No! No! I have nothing against manatees! It's just that I don't feel right working here without any of my old junior officers. The manatees slowly go back to their terminals. Dexter turns back to his terminal. DEXTER I'm sorry, Bucky. I'm just sort of ... detached right now. BUCKY I can understand that. JENNY Maybe we can get your mind off things. We have a situation. DEXTER What seems to be the trouble? BUCKY We're here with the Ninja Ducks trying to investigate the mallard civil war. DEXTER That's right. Dogstar informed me of Willy's little scheme. We've been monitoring the situation closely. Has Deadeye found evidence of toad involvement? BUCKY No, but while he's off trying to reason with the Corsair Canards, I'm staying here in contact with you in case you pick up any more leads. DEXTER (through terminal) I'm sorry, Bucky, but all we're finding on the toads' end is standard communications and hyperspace traffic. Business as usual, nothing else. We intercepted some blueprints for what looks like an amphibious assault mecha ... BUCKY (nodding in thought) Hold on to those blueprints, I guess. Past that, leads or no, expect me to call back once every hour or so. Hang in there, Dexter. O'Hare out. Bucky deactivates the terminal. It folds back into the vase. Bucky rests his chin in his paw, as if pondering. JENNY Hey, where's Willy? BUCKY He and Mike were hanging out earlier. I think they're at Kamo's forge now. He said he wanted to disassemble my lightsaber, see what makes it tick. I think Bruiser's with him. SCENE 10 - KAMO'S FORGE, KAMIKAZE KAMO'S SCHOOL OF NIJUTSU, KANOPIS III Kamo's forge is a futuristic smithy, with large metalworking machines, laser furnaces, and little free space. Wily sits at a worktable next to a massive metal tool chest where he rummages through tools both familiar and alien to disassemble and study Bucky's lightsaber. In the background, Bucky steps in the room. BUCKY Anything? WILLY This is one piece of work, Bucky. I don't even understand how the casing works. Bruiser sits on a stool next to the worktable and stares at Willy's handiwork. He growls and hits the table with his fist, startling Willy. BRUISER (angry) I can't stands this no more! WILLY Can't stand what? BRUISER (angry) There ain't no bananas on this planet! Not one single one! WILLY Didn't I tell you there weren't? BRUISER Well, yeah, but I figured it wouldn' hurt ta check an' see. Willy rolls his eyes and shakes his head. Just then, two NINJA DUCKS appear in the doorway. NINJA DUCK #1 Am I interrupting anything? Is there anything you would like? WILLY No, you're not interrupting. It is getting late, though. Where are the beds around here? NINJA DUCK #1 A ninja does not sleep. He waits. Willy and Bruiser all look confused at the Ninja Ducks. NINJA DUCK #2 Actually, the beds are right in ... Before Ninja Duck #2 can finish, Ninja Duck #1 punches him and knocks him down. The room shakes. Everyone present flinches in shock. BRUISER (surprised) How hard did ya hit 'im!? NINJA DUCK #1 (surprised) That wasn't me! All present look up as the school's intercom turns on. VOICE (over comm) Attention, all Ninja Ducks! The school is under attack by Corsair Canards! I repeat, the school is under attack by Corsair Canards! Bucky turns toward Ninja Duck #1. BUCKY That's not good. Do you want our help fighting them? NINJA DUCK #1 I appreciate your offer, but we cannot risk the Corsair Canards discovering your involvement with us. Bucky grits his teeth and nods. BUCKY Willy, you stay close to me or to Bruiser. WILLY I can handle myself, Bucky. SCENE 11 - BRIDGE, THE RIGHTEOUS INDIGNATION Deadeye sits in the captain's seat. He flails his arms in anxiety while talking to the heavyset Canard with the white frill. Blinky and Kamo stand at the back of the bridge, hidden from view. DEADEYE (into comm, nervous) I already told ye! I came here to talk terms wit' ye. The UAC wants to help fight the Ninja Ducks. Well, they don't wanna, but they gotta! CANARD (over comm) If ye be speakin' true about the UAC, then why ain't O'Hare wit' ye? An' why be ye in the same spot where The Iron Vulture vanished? DEADEYE We think the Ninja Ducks shanghaied the Vulture. We're lookin' fer evidence or a trail. Blinky and Kamo work the ship's sensors from a large terminal on the wall. KAMO (whispering, pointing to terminal) That must be it! BLINKY (low volume) Readings are consistent with toad photon activity. KAMO (whispering) We should reveal our findings now. BLINKY (low volume) May this humble android recommend against revealing our presence to the Corsair Canards? KAMO And may this humble ninja recommend the opposite of what you recommended! The heavyset Canard blinks. He hears Kamo. CANARD Ninja? What ninja!? Who's hidin' aft thar!? What's goin' on!? Deadeye grits his beak and pulls at his hat with all four paws as Kamo approaches the comm screen and bows to the heavyset Canard, whose eyes widen in shock. KAMO (bowing, into comm) Greetings and salutations, Superintendent. SUPERINTENDENT (angry) What the hell's goin' on! I ortin' ta kill ye right now, Deadeye! I be givin' ye five seconds t' explain yersef! Kamo stands. KAMO We have discovered a toad photon signature in this area. SUPERINTENDENT What!? Blinky trots to the captain's seat and works the terminal. BLINKY This humble android is sending sensor records of toad activity as we speak. Blinky finishes. The Superintendent leans over toward his terminal and gasps. SUPERINTENDENT My stars, that really be a toad signature! Deadeye slumps back in and signs in relief. He sits up and leans toward the comm screen. DEADEYE It's proof that th' toads have been playin' us all along, matey! They commandeered The Iron Vulture, and then they attacked the Ninja Ducks with it! The Superintendent's eyes widen, and his beak droops. He composes himself after some time and looks away, then looks back. SUPERINTENDENT Even if all o' that be true, what do we do 'bout it now? Deadeye folds his arms and smirks. DEADEYE That's simple, pal, we just ... The Righteous Indignation suddenly shakes from weapons fire. Deadeye, Blinky, and Kamo all grab the captain's chair to keep from falling over. DEADEYE We've been hit! BLINKY (pointing) Toad double bubbles on radar! Deadeye slams two fists against his console. DEADEYE (shouting) They was listenin' in on us the whole time! BLINKY May this humble android volunteer the fact that toad double bubbles possess no hyperdrive? SUPERINTENDENT Thar's gotta' be a cruiser or a mothership in the system somewhere! DEADEYE Kamo, can you fly this thing? KAMO Easy as a roundhouse kick to the face. DEADEYE Er, right. Take the controls. Blinky, man the accelerator. I'm goin' t' *my* seat. SCENE 12 - KAMIKAZE KAMO'S SCHOOL OF NINJUTSU, KANOPIS III Maser fire and solid projectiles fly through the air. Energy blasts, explosions, and screams blend into white noise in the foothills. Countless Corsair Canards in flashy regalia run up the foothills carrying large weapons. A black duck in a green vest carries a bazooka that sends explosive energy balls arcing toward the school. A green duck in a black- and gold-trimmed overcoat charges forward, firing two automatic maser rifles. A brown duck in a gold coat and hat takes an explosive flying disc from a side-pack and hurls it up the foothills. Numerous Ninja Ducks dash from cover to cover behind trees and boulders down the foothills toward the advancing Corsair Canards. A duck in dark blue garb wields four crystalline katanas, using them to refract maser blasts away from him. A duck in black garb leaps out from behind a boulder and throws four pawfuls of shuriken that sprout mechanical wings and home in on their targets. A duck in red garb sits on a tree branch and fires an automatic crossbow with rocket-propelled arrows that rapidly spin like drills. Out in the open, the Corsair Canards' heavy weapons and superior numbers slowly force the NINJA DUCKS to withdraw back toward the school. NINJA DUCK #3 (screaming) Retreat! Retreat into the school! RED JACK, a handsome Corsair Canard with a bright red overcoat and a white bandana, charges up the hill with a maser pistol in each paw. RED JACK (shouting) That's right, ye parrot humpin', pox-faced swab-suckers! Run away! Run away like the yella barf stains ye be! A GREEN CORSAIR CANARD in a black vest and tricorne hat, wielding two maser carbines and two black-bladed cutlasses, approaches Red Jack. GREEN CORSAIR CANARD Cap'n, sir! The Ninja Ducks be tryin' ta barricade thar'selves inside the school. We be havin' them outnumbered ten t' one. We can barge in an' take 'em out easy. RED JACK Aye. This be a great day for the glory of the Corsair Canards. (screaming) Charge! The Corsair Canards run screaming up the hill toward the school. Many fall into hidden pungee pits and scream as they are impaled. Others break tripwires, sending darts flying out of crevices in rocks and trees to stab them. Others step inside trap snares and are thrown back down the foothills. RED JACK (screaming) Hold yer positions! There be booby traps everywhere! Fire masers! Scorch the ground all over the school! The Corsair Canards stop and fire masers wildly at the ground, blackening the land and setting off booby traps until none are left. RED JACK (whispering to self) The dolts thought they could outwit Red Jack with a bunch o' booby traps, did they? (shouting) Charge! The Corsair Canards run screaming toward the school. Many equip grapple guns and fire hooks toward the school roof. The grapple guns pull them up as they cling to the handles. Ninja Ducks emerge on the roof, throwing winged homing shuriken to cut the grappling wires. Some succeed, sending Corsair Canards falling to the ground. Many Ninja Ducks kneel at the walls of the school and fire masers at the shuriken and the Canards. Red Jack ascends on a grappling wire toward the roof. RED JACK (screaming) For glory, gold, and grog! SCENE 13 - KAMIKAZE KAMO'S SCHOOL OF NINJUTSU, KANOPIS III The walls shake and dust falls from the ceiling as Ninja Duck #1, followed by Bucky, Jenny, Willy, Mike, and Bruiser, runs down a narrow hallway with hardwood floors. They come to an intersection where several Ninja Ducks run backward throwing shuriken, followed closely by several Corsair Canards firing maser pistols. As they pass, a CORSAIR CANARD turns to see Bucky and his crew. CORSAIR CANARD (shocked) You!? Bucky rushes the shocked Corsair Canard and elbows him in the beak before he can regain his composure, knocking him out. BUCKY (to Ninja Duck #1) What are our chances here? NINJA DUCK #1 I do not know. The Corsair Canards have the advantage outdoors with their heavy weapons, but we Ninja Ducks have the advantage indoors with our stealth technology. However, we are greatly outnumbered. WILLY (shaking his head) I should have known something like this would happen. Again. MIKE I can't believe this is happening. This is horrible! NINJA DUCK #1 This is why we train. JENNY We have to get out of here! NINJA DUCK #1 There are secret tunnels leading to the roof. I'll take you through them. Ninja Duck #1 runs down the hall. Bucky, Jenny, Willy, Mike, and Bruiser run after. Screams and sounds of battle follow close behind. They reach a dead end and turn to see Corsair Canards running after them. Bucky readies his maser and Bruiser a grenade, but the Canard reflexes are too quick, and both are shot out of their paws. One BLACK CORSAIR CANARD holsters his maser pistols. BLACK CORSAIR CANARD Take 'em alive! I wanna interrogate 'em meself. The squad charges forward. Bucky, Jenny, and Bruiser stand firm. A trap door opens in the ceiling, and lassos swing down to snare Bucky, Jenny, Willy, Mike, Bruiser, and Ninja Duck #1 and pull them up. WILLY (frightened) What the!? BRUISER (angry) Leggo! The lassos pull them into a cobblestone corridor above, where Ninja Ducks untie them and just as quickly run away. JENNY What just happened? NINJA DUCK #1 No time for stupid questions. Just follow us! Jenny growls as Ninja Duck #1 follows the other Ninja Ducks down the corridors, but soon follows, along with the rest of the crew. Bucky looks back and sees Corsair Canards climbing through the trap door. He almost doesn't notice maser blasts and winged homing shuriken flying past him. BUCKY (whispering to self) Frell! As Bucky looks back, a false wall slides open, and several Ninja Ducks grab him and his crew and pull them inside, sliding the door shut after. The Corsair Canards run by. Bucky, Jenny, Willy, Mike, and Bruiser force themselves free of the Ninja Ducks' grips and find themselves at a cobblestone stairway with the Ninja Ducks running up. NINJA DUCK #1 Follow! Quickly! Bucky and crew follow the Ninja Ducks up the stairway until they burst through a wooden door onto a square balcony on the black tile roof. They all freeze in shock. Hundreds of Corsair Canards crowd the balcony and rooftop, all pointing masers and cutlasses at them. Red Jack emerges from the crowd. RED JACK Well, well, well. A consortium o' ninjas an' turncoats. It seems the Canards can indeed trust no one. Willy steps forward, recognizing Red Jack. Red Jack recognizes Willy and draws a cutlass on him. RED JACK (shocked, angry) Willy DuWitt!? What're ye doin' conspirin' with these treacherous ducks! WILLY Trying to stop everyone from making a big mistake. RED JACK An' what mistake might that be? WILLY The toads hijacked your missing ship! They're the ones who attacked you, not the Ninja Ducks! NINJA DUCK #1 It is true! Red Jack looks back and forth between Willy and Ninja Duck #1. He laughs. RED JACK (angry) You'd really b'lieve the words of a Ninja Duck? They be nothin' but liars an' deceivers, the lot o' them! I laid down me life fightin' fer them piss-blooded codball munchers time an' time again. And they betrayed us after everythin' we did fer 'em! BUCKY That's what the toads want you to think! RED JACK (grumbling) Bah. Hogwash, I say. Red Jack turns to the Corsair Canards and sheathes his sword. RED JACK Tie 'em up. I'll decide what to do with 'em later. The Corsair Canards inch closer. SCENE 14 - KANOPIS III SYSTEM, DEEP SPACE The Righteous Indignation and the Corsair Canard galleon fly through space, diving and barrel-rolling to avoid the fire of chasing toad double bubbles. Both ships fire back, destroying many double bubbles, but their numbers seem endless. At the bridge, Kamo sits in the captain's seat, frantically working the controls as the ship shakes and double bubbles fly by the windows. Blinky scrambles up the ladder. BLINKY Calamity and woe! The Righteous Indignation will be wreckage in less than six minutes if this barrage continues! KAMO How many of them are there? BLINKY Sixty-seven and counting. Toads have clearly been able to beef up their reserves after months of relative inactivity! The screams of Corsair Canards come through the comm, followed by brief static. Kamo looks at the sensors. KAMO (shouting) They have already destroyed the galleon! (into comm) Deadeye, we will be dead soon under these conditions! In the gunner's chambers, Deadeye spins his chair round and round, firing masers at the double bubbles. His beak is clenched and his muscles tense. He speaks into his headset. DEADEYE (shouting) Don'cha think I already know that? KAMO You have survived many such battles. What do you recommend? DEADEYE How good a pilot are ye? KAMO The best among my people. DEADEYE Than put them skills t' use and fly us into the Kanopis Asteroid Belt! KAMO Ingenious! The Righteous Indignation speeds up and dives to the side toward a distant asteroid belt, with double bubbles in pursuit. The Righteous slows upon entering the asteroid field. The frigate dives and rolls and swerves around the asteroids, still firing at the chasing double bubbles. Many double bubbles crash into asteroids. Others get lost and are forced to withdraw. The TOAD PILOTS are beginning to panic. TOAD PILOT #1 Where are they? My sensors can't make out anything! TOAD PILOT #2 These asteroids are chock full of copper and gold. They're jamming our instruments. (suddenly alarmed) Augh! The double bubble crashes into a large asteroid. Others dive around to avoid it. Elsewhere, The Righteous Indignation flies around a massive round asteroid with double bubbles in pursuit. The double bubbles suddenly break off pursuit and withdraw. The Righteous Indignation slows to a halt in front of the asteroid. Inside the frigate, Kamo and Blinky briefly look at each other and then back out the window. KAMO What just happened? DEADEYE (over comm) Kamo! The double bubbles just up and left. What's happenin'? KAMO (into comm) I believe it is the asteroid we have circled. DEADEYE Why's that? KAMO It is moving against the spin of the belt! BLINKY (high volume) Alert! Crisis! Emergency! Panic! Warning! KAMO What!? BLINKY High-capacity plasma weapons charging on large asteroid! KAMO and DEADEYE What!? Lights shine from beneath the rubble of the asteroid surface, and debris is dislodged as two massive plasma blasts fire from it, striking The Righteous Indignation. The frigate shakes from the blasts. Panels spark and explode, and the front window cracks. BLINKY Calamity and woe! The plasma strikes have disabled our engines! KAMO That is not an asteroid. It is a toad mothership! BLINKY Two more strikes like those will destroy The Righteous Indignation. Another blast shakes The Righteous Indignation, destroying more panels and widening the crack in the window. BLINKY Correction, one more strike! DEADEYE I say we go down blastin'! KAMO No, Deadeye! I have a better idea. I am cutting power to all systems in the universal sign of surrender. Kamo works the controls. All lights on The Righteous Indignation go off. Debris is dislodged as a giant alloy mouth opens within the asteroid to fire a bright blue tractor beam that pulls the Righteous inside. The mouth closes. SCENE 15 - BRIG, TOAD MOTHERSHIP Kamo, Deadeye, and Blinky are inside a square metal cell barred by red beams of energy. The Air Marshal paces back and forth, grinning, his hands clasped behind his back. AIR MARSHAL Three mammal prisoners and a new Righteous Indignation to replace the one you stole from us. Oh, this is shaping up to be a glorious day. Maybe KOMPLEX will let me keep it as a trophy! (to the prisoners) So, you thought you could outwit the mighty Toad Empire, did you? DEADEYE Ain't been hard before. AIR MARSHAL (sneers) You won't be so cavalier once you see the true extent of our plan. KAMO Those who boast of their power tend to have little power to boast of. AIR MARSHAL (angry) That's it. (pulls out his blaster) No more games with you mammals. I'm killing all of you right now. DEADEYE Better do it while ye can! If yer lucky, ye can get the shots off before the Righteous explodes! AIR MARSHAL (confused) What? BLINKY The Righteous Indignation has been set to self-destruct. It will detonate in T-minus seven minutes and seventeen seconds. The explosion will destroy this mothership and all crew aboard. The Air Marshal hangs in silence for a moment before growling and throwing his hat to the floor. He takes a portable comm from his pocket. AIR MARSHAL (into comm) Come in, auxiliary hangar two! Auxiliary hangar two, do you copy? VOICE (over comm) Air Marshal, we got real trouble here. The Righteous Indignation's gonna self-destruct! AIR MARSHAL Shut it off, then! VOICE We can't! AIR MARSHAL Why not? VOICE Because the damn ducks blasted all the terminals to smithereens! The Air Marshal slowly lowers the comm to his side and stares blankly into space as Deadeye and Kamo grin. DEADEYE T' be fair, Air Marshal, *your* shootin' did most of the damage to those terminals. KAMO Indeed, a job well done. VOICE (over comm) We gotta jettison the frigate! AIR MARSHAL In the middle of an asteroid belt? The shockwave will send the rocks flying everywhere! Evacuate, you imbeciles! The Air Marshal throws the comm to the floor and stomps on it. Red lights flash, and alarms blare. A COMPUTER voice booms over the intercom system. COMPUTER Emergency evacuation order. Evacuate immediately. Emergency evacuation order. Evacuate immediately. The Air Marshal turns toward the cell, growls, and waves his fist. AIR MARSHAL (angry) That still gives me enough time to kill all of you! KAMO (unafraid) Deadeye, it has been an honor serving with you on our final mission. DEADEYE Aye, Kamo, it was a right pleasure! I just wish Willy's plan t’ end this war had worked. The Air Marshal raises his blaster at Deadeye and is about to fire when he hears Deadeye's words. AIR MARSHAL (scared) Wait ... did you say Willy? DEADEYE (wary) Yeah, why? The Air Marshal's eyes widen, and his jaw drops. AIR MARSHAL (scared) Where is Willy? Where is he? DEADEYE (confused) He's on Kanopis III, tryin' to stop yer stupid war. AIR MARSHAL (panicked) He came back, after everything that's happened? I thought he would be smart enough to stay safe! The Air Marshal dashes toward the cell, tripping as he does. He pushes himself up and punches the red button beside the cell, deactivating the energy bars. Deadeye and Kamo stand confused. AIR MARSHAL (panicked) Get Willy to safety. I don't care how. This war is going to escalate, and I don't want Willy to be in the middle. Deadeye grabs the Air Marshal by the collar. DEADEYE (angry) It's yer fault this war even started! Kamo puts two arms between Deadeye and the Air Marshal. The Air Marshal looks at Kamo with eyes full of fear and sadness. KAMO (to Deadeye) I have seen eyes like those before, Deadeye. His concern is genuine. (to the Air Marshal) We cannot keep Willy safe without backup. And for backup, we must release The Iron Vulture and its crew. The Air Marshal pushes against Deadeye, freeing himself. AIR MARSHAL I'll do it. The Air Marshal straightens his uniform and runs out of the brig. BLINKY This humble android is confused. Why did the toads so easily believe the threat of a false self-destruct sequence? DEADEYE 'Cause they're morons, that's why. That's why we had it installed. KAMO We should go now. SCENE 16 - PLANET LEMMIN There is a tap on the window. VOICE Jan! JAN the lemming looks up from her writing to hear her name as another pebble hits the pane of glass. She opens the window and looks down at MARSHALL, another lemming, in the garden. JAN (shouting) Go away, Marshall! It's too late! Too late! MARSHALL (shouting back) It's never too late! Jan! With a sob, Jan shuts the window and goes back to her writing. Tears are falling from her eyes as she struggles to finish what will be the last entry in her diary. There is a thump on the windowsill, and she yelps as Marshall pushes her window open. JAN Marshall! Get out of here! Please! Marshall is breathing hard from climbing up the tree to reach the second story. MARSHALL No way, Jan! This is our last moment together. I don't want to be away from you! Despite herself, Jan lets herself be drawn into Marshall's embrace. She cries into his shoulder. JAN (sobbing) I ... I wanted everything to be perfect! The candlelight dinner ... the stroll in the moonlight ... MARSHALL (holding her lovingly) Shh, shh ... it would have been perfect. All of it. Jan pounds Marshall's chest with her fists. JAN Why'd that meteor have to come on this very day? Why now? Just when we were about to be together, forever! The two look outside the window. Even from the second story, they can see the humongous mass of space rock that is hurtling toward their planet. In the town below, houses on fire and screams coming from the panicked citizens add to the chaos. JAN (tears running down her eyes) It would have been so special! Just the two of us. And now, we have to share it with our whole world. MARSHALL (wiping away Jan's tears) Look at it this way. Our warring families who won't let us be together, but now we will all have peace. How's that? JAN (finally smiling) Marshall, you're such a joker. MARSHALL Only when I'm with you. (closing his eyes and leaning down) Oh, Jan ... JAN (also closing her eyes) Oh, Marshall ... As the world-destroying meteor enters the planet's orbit, a small figure lands on its surface. It pauses only to get its bearing on the continent-sized projectile before striking down into the meteor's outer shell and tunneling straight to its center. A few seconds later, the meteor explodes into a billion pebble- sized fragments as the figure retrieves a device in the heart of the space rock. He holds the piece triumphantly before flying into space. FIGURE The Geo Core! You were a tough nut to track and crack! Inside Jan's house, the two lemmings break free of their kiss when they notice that their planet hasn't exploded and they haven't died yet. They look outside to see the meteor fragments raining down on their world like shooting stars. JAN It's so pretty! MARSHALL We're saved! The two look at each other lovingly. MARSHALL We can still try our suicide pact! How's tomorrow? JAN Sure! I'll bring the poison! MARSHALL And I'll bring the dagger! The two lemmings lovingly embrace with glee again. SCENE 17 - LOBBY, KAMIKAZE KAMO'S SCHOOL OF NINJUTSU, KANOPIS III Bucky, Jenny, Willy, Mike, Bruiser, and several Ninja Ducks sit at the table with their paws tied behind their backs. Red Jack and a dozen Corsair Canards smirk as they look out the open sliding door to see dozens of Canard galleons landing close on the school grounds. A BROWN CORSAIR CANARD in a green vest and red polka-dot shirt approaches Red Jack. BROWN CORSAIR CANARD Cap'n, sir! All the Ninja Duck tribes've gathered at the far edge o' the valley. They've set up shields an' jammers, so we canna bombard 'em. RED JACK They want t' force us into close combat. What be our chances at that? BROWN CORSAIR CANARD As long as they're out'n the open, we be havin' sure victory wit' our weapons. But we're now evenly numbered wit' 'em, so they'd slaughter us wit' their stealth technology if they get indoors. RED JACK How long 'til they arrive? BROWN CORSAIR CANARD It'll be early evenin'. Red Jack smirks and turns toward Bucky. RED JACK I've got no gripe with ye, O'Hare, but I want ye to see this and go back and tell the UAC the price of backstabbin' the Corsair Canards. (turns to doorway, to himself) They'll pay for doin' ye in, lass. WILLY Doing who in? Do you mean ... Lanel? Red Jack tenses briefly. WILLY So that's it. BUCKY I'm telling you, the toads killed her! Red Jack turns to Bucky. RED JACK (angry) And I'm telling ye, ye have no idea what the bloody hell yer talkin' 'bout! SCENE 18 - AUXILIARY HANGAR ONE, TOAD MOTHERSHIP Toads run about the half-dome hangar in panic, crawling into shafts leading to escape pods. The Air Marshal shoves his way through the crowd toward the Corsair galleon The Iron Vulture, which is on the far side of the hangar. COMPUTER Emergency evacuation order. Evacuate immediately. The Air Marshal runs up the docking ramp into The Iron Vulture. The rectangular cargo hold is empty of cargo and now holds the galleon's crew of thirty-six bound and gagged Corsair Canards. The Canards try to shout through their gags as the Air Marshal enters. The Air Marshal approaches Lanel and pulls a plasma blaster on her. Lanel's eyes widen and she struggles against her bindings as the Air Marshal shoots them off, then removes her gag. LANEL (shouting) What the hell is the meanin' o' this?! AIR MARSHAL No time. You've got to free the rest of your crew and get back to Kanopis III right now. LANEL Why? AIR MARSHAL Because the pirates and ninjas are about to slaughter each other. Just promise me you'll get Willy to safety. LANEL Willy? You mean, Willy DuWitt? AIR MARSHAL Yes! Now move it! We've only got a few minutes before the mothership blows up! The Air Marshal runs out of the galleon. Few toads are left inside the hangar. The Air Marshal runs to the opposite side of the hangar and turns to see The Iron Vulture power up. The galleon floats up and flies out of the hangar's door, its force field glowing as the ship passes through. The Air Marshal looks around for an escape pod vent-shaft when a monitor on a powered swingarm lowers. KOMPLEX appears on the monitor. The Air Marshal yelps and falls onto his rear in reaction. KOMPLEX I demand an explanation for this chaos, Air Marshal! AIR MARSHAL (scared) K-K-K-KOMPLEX! The Righteous Indignation is inside our ship! It's about to blow up! The Iron Vulture escaped during all the mayhem! KOMPLEX The Righteous Indignation's engines are inoperative. It will do no such thing. AIR MARSHAL You mean the self-destruct was a ... a fake? The monitor shoves itself into the Air Marshal's face, pushing him onto his back. KOMPLEX Your buffoonery never ceases to amaze me, Air Marshal. I will activate the assault mecha's launch sequence myself. Pray that it succeeds where you failed. The monitor deactivates, and the swingarm lifts it back toward the ceiling. The Air Marshal gulps in fright. AIR MARSHAL (whispering to himself) I don't care what happens, so long as Willy is OK. SCENE 19 - AUXILIARY HANGAR TWO, TOAD MOTHERSHIP The last few toads inside auxiliary hangar two, a mirror image of auxiliary hangar one, slide down their escape pod vent-shafts as Deadeye, Blinky, and Kamo enter the hangar and see The Righteous Indignation. KAMO There it is. DEADEYE Let's go! Deadeye, Blinky, and Kamo run to The Righteous Indignation and up its docking ramp. They climb the ladder to the bridge and run to the front stations, where all the terminals have been blasted. Kamo unsheathes two crystalline katanas and pries open a panel beneath a scarred terminal. DEADEYE You sure ye can plug straight into the Righteous's computer? BLINKY That is among this humble android's abilities. Blinky smashes through a metal plate with his fist, pulls a bundle of wires from the panel, and sticks them into his chest. Mechanical sounds emanate from Blinky before he flails his arms about. BLINKY Calamity and woe! The Righteous Indignation's thrusters are still inoperative. I cannot pilot the frigate. DEADEYE How about me masers? BLINKY Power to the gunner's chambers is still functional. DEADEYE Ye best hold on tight, then. I'm gonna punch us a hole outta this rock. Deadeye hops down to the gunner's chambers, sits in front of his powered-up maser cannons, and begins firing at the inside of the mothership's hull. After a good ten shots, the metal structure and overlying rock finally give, creating a large hole. The hangar's air evacuates into space, bringing everything inside, including The Righteous Indignation, out with it. The Righteous Indignation shakes and tumbles through space. On the bridge, Deadeye and Kamo cling to their seats while Blinky, still plugged into the computer, clings to a pipe on the wall. The shaking dies down, and the Righteous drifts. Deadeye, Blinky, and Kamo relax. Deadeye looks out the window. DEADEYE (into comm) At least we ain't in the asteroid belt anymore. (spots The Iron Vulture) Ha hah! The Iron Vulture made it out, too! Blinky, tell 'em to tow us back to Kanopis III! SCENE 20 - LOBBY, KAMIKAZE KAMO'S SCHOOL OF NINJUTSU, KANOPIS III It is evening, and legions of Corsair Canards occupy the school and the surrounding foothills, taking up sniper and cover positions. Red Jack stands in the lobby, staring out the open sliding door with a sneer. His fingers twitch nervously around his maser pistols. A beep startles him. He draws his pistols and turns to point them at Bucky, Jenny, Willy, Mike, and Bruiser. BUCKY Hey! I didn't do anything. RED JACK What was that? WILLY It's the vase. There's a switch inside that turns it into a terminal. Someone must be calling. Red Jack nods to the brown Corsair Canard still next to him, who approaches the vase, fiddles with it, and manages to activate the console. He gasps and falls over when he sees the screen. BROWN CORSAIR CANARD Cap'n, sir, c'mere! RED JACK (irritated) What is it? BROWN CORSAIR CANARD Just get over here! Red Jack grumbles and approaches the terminal. His eyes widen and his beak opens in surprise when he sees an angry-looking Lanel on the monitor. RED JACK (into comm) Lanel!? Bucky, Jenny, Willy, Mike, and Bruiser turn their heads in confusion toward Red Jack. LANEL (over comm) It was a ruse, Red Jack! The toads captured The Iron Vulture and attacked the Ninja Ducks with it. Red Jack starts to weep. RED JACK (whispering) You ... you're alive. LANEL O' course I'm alive, ye bass-brain! Now listen up. Ye gotta tell everyone what's goin' on. Ye gotta stop this before it's too late, ye hear? We're on our way. Red Jack is speechless. He clamps his beak shut and nods. Lanel nods back, and the terminal deactivates and folds back into a vase. BRUISER We told ya them toadies was the bad guys! Red Jack looks indecisively at Bucky, Jenny, Willy, Mike, and Bruiser for a moment. RED JACK (to brown Corsair Canard) Untie them, and then spread the word to all the pirates. BROWN CORSAIR CANARDS Yes sir, Cap'n! BRUISER Nah, I got it. Bruiser stands up and snaps off his bonds easily. The Canards and Bruiser's crew look at him, surprised. BUCKY Why didn't you just do that before? BRUISER 'Cuz we're all the good guys, right? I didn't wanna hafta fight wit' da Canards. JENNY (sighs) Just untie us, Bruiser. MIKE (to Willy) I really had this idea that nothing crazy like this ever happened when you were the engineer. WILLY (chuckles) Mike, this counts as a slow day. SCENE 21 - VALLEY, KANOPIS III The sky is red over the grassy valley overlooked by Kamo's school on the foothills. Legions of Ninja Ducks tend to their equipment and listen to Baka Oshiri on a tree limb. BAKA OSHIRI The great Ninja Ducks feel no fear! The great Ninja Ducks feel no pain! If any Canard has five simoleans, and a Ninja Duck has five simoleans, then the Ninja Duck has more money than him! The Ninja Ducks raise their weapons and cheer. BAKA OSHIRI The great Ninja Ducks always fight to the death! The great Ninja Ducks do not run from any battle, no matter the circumstances! The Ninja Ducks raise their weapons and cheer. BAKA OSHIRI The great Ninja Ducks ... The comm inside Baka Oshiri's belt beeps. BAKA OSHIRI ... must answer this call. Baka Oshiri takes his comm and flips it open, revealing Kamo. BAKA OSHIRI (into comm) Master Kamo! You will be delighted to know that I am about to lead the great Ninja Duck tribes into glorious battle with the Corsair Canards. KAMO (over comm) Baka Oshiri, you will do no such thing! BAKA OSHIRI (mournful) But-but-but, the great Ninja Ducks do not run away from any battle, no matter the circumstances. KAMO You dumbass! You do not even know the proper meaning of that sentence! BAKA OSHIRI (mournful) Please, Master, Baka Oshiri is not a dumbass. KAMO We have rescued Captain Lanel and The Iron Vulture. The war is over! A new battle shall emerge. The pirates and ninjas must now join forces against the toads. The comm deactivates. Baka Oshiri pockets it and jumps down from the tree. He looks down at the ground for a time as the Ninja Ducks gather around him. A BLACK NINJA DUCK approaches Baka Oshiri. BLACK NINJA DUCK What do we do now? Baka Oshiri places two paws on the black Ninja Duck's shoulders. BAKA OSHIRI Follow your hearts. Baka Oshiri turns toward the foothills and draws a crystalline katana. BAKA OSHIRI (shouting) March! SCENE 22 - FOOTHILLS, KANOPIS III The Iron Vulture descends into the foothills between the valley and Kamo's school. It carries The Righteous Indignation on a towcable and sets it on the grass before landing next to it. The Righteous Indignation's and The Iron Vulture's docking ramps lower. Deadeye, Kamo, and Blinky rush out of the Righteous, while Lanel rushes out of the Vulture. They look around to see Ninja Ducks climbing one side of the foothills while Corsair Canards descend from the other. DEADEYE Are we too late? LANEL Can't be. We already told both sides what happened. BAKA OSHIRI Master? Kamo turns to see Baka Oshiri, flanked by the army of Ninja Ducks. He removes a folded paper fan from his pocket and hits Baka Oshiri across the face with it. KAMO (shouting) You do not appropriate your master's power in his absence, Oshiri! BAKA OSHIRI (kneeling) I am sorry, Master! It will not happen again! Kamo hits Baka Oshiri with the fan again. KAMO See that it does not. RED JACK Kamikaze Kamo! Kamo turns to see Red Jack, flanked by his army of Corsair Canards, pointing two cutlasses at him. Kamo draws his two crystalline katanas and points them at Red Jack. BLINKY May this humble android suggest ... Kamo swings a sword down in front of Blinky. KAMO I must do this alone, Blinky. Red Jack and Kamo approach each other. DEADEYE What's gonna happen? LANEL How should I know? Kamo raises a brow and sees Bucky, Jenny, Willy, Mike, and Bruiser standing behind Red Jack. KAMO (whispering to self) I see. Kamo sheathes his swords. Red Jack does the same. They run up and hug each other. The Corsair Canards and Ninja Ducks cheer. RED JACK Kamo, ye ol' lump o' lead! It's good to see ye! KAMO I feel relief that cannot be expressed in words. The Corsair Canards and Ninja Ducks put away their weapons and mingle. All around are pawshakes, pats, laughs, and chat. Deadeye returns to Bucky's side. BUCKY You did good, Deadeye. I honestly thought we were dead for a moment. DEADEYE Ah, it was nothin'. Kamo actually deserves most o' the credit. BRUISER (shouting suddenly) What's that? The crowd silences and looks as Bruiser points toward a descending meteor. All present startle as it crashes with an earth- shaking boom, kicking up a tremendous dust cloud. JENNY What are the odds that ... BUCKY (interrupting) Too great for that to just be a comet. The armies stand in silence for a moment. Plasma blasts suddenly fire from the dust cloud, killing many Corsair Canards and Ninja Ducks and causing all present to scream in panic and draw their weapons. A giant beast emerges from the dust cloud. It is a mechanical alloy crab ten stories tall, with black claws and numerous plasma turrets. The mechanical crab lumbers toward the foothills, shaking the ground with each step, causing many to fall over. BRUISER What is dat thing!? Kamo draws his swords and points them at the mechanical crab. KAMO (screaming) It is a giant enemy crab! Red Jack draws his swords and points them at the mechanical crab. RED JACK (screaming) To battle! The Corsair Canards and Ninja Ducks cheer. They arm themselves and charge across the valley. Ninja Ducks throw winged homing shuriken and fire-drilling arrows. Corsair Canards fire maser blasts and explosives. NINJA DUCKS shout as they fight. NINJA DUCK #4 (shouting) Attack its weak point for massive damage! NINJA DUCK #5 (shouting) Be sure to utilize real-time weapon change! Bruiser having chosen to join the fray, Bucky, Jenny, Deadeye, Willy, Mike, and Blinky observe the battle from behind a boulder. JENNY They're not making a dent in that machine; they're just slowing it down. WILLY (gazing at the mecha, dumbfounded) Why does that thing look so familiar? (to Jenny) Can't you do something? JENNY Not against something that big. BUCKY I know how to stop it. Bucky grabs the comm-link from Deadeye's belt. DEADEYE Hey! BUCKY (into comm) Kamo, get back here right now! (looking around) Everyone with me. Bucky runs uphill toward the school as Jenny, Deadeye, Willy, Mike, and Blinky follow. The mechanical crab behind them stomps the ground and fires into the army of Corsair Canards and Ninja Ducks. Bucky throws open the sliding door to Kamo's school and charges into the lobby, followed by his crew. Bucky activates the vase on the kotatsu table and sits down to work the controls. Dexter's face appears on the screen. DEXTER (over comm) Bucky? BUCKY (into comm) I need to know how to destroy that crab mecha, right now! DEXTER (through terminal) Why? You don't mean it's ... there? DEADEYE It's here, and it's swabbin' th' decks with us! DEXTER All right, all right. Gimme a sec. (looks at the blueprints) Looks pretty simple. If you can get in its mouth, just follow the green tunnel to its central macroprocessor and destroy it. BUCKY Thanks. Bucky deactivates the terminal, which folds into the vase. Kamo suddenly runs through the open sliding door. KAMO You called? Deadeye runs to Kamo. DEADEYE (motioning outside) You and I got work to do, ol' pal. Deadeye and Kamo run out. Just at that moment, Lanel runs in. LANEL Willy, lad! WILLY Lanel! I'm glad you're OK. LANEL Aye, the same to you. We need to get you out of here. WILLY Trust me, that sounds pretty good right now. But I'm not gonna leave in the middle of a battle. Lanel takes Willy aside and pulls him down, so she can whisper in his ear. LANEL (whispering) I know this sounds crazier than a dodo bird, but the toad Air Marshal set us free on the condition that we got you to safety. WILLY (surprised) Really? LANEL I know, it makes no sense. WILLY (feeling cared about) Actually ... BUCKY Willy, we can handle it from here. I'm fine with you going home. Willy stands and thinks for a minute. WILLY I guess there's not much more I can do here anyway. JENNY You've already done a lot to help, Willy. Be safe. WILLY OK, you don't have to tell me again. (to Mike) Hey, it's been fun. I'll definitely get in touch with you next time I'm around. MIKE Oh, that sounds great. Thanks for showing me around the mark-5. WILLY (to Bucky) And next time here, I want to talk to Dogstar. I don't care if Warren is drowning under hot magma. I'm done with this craziness. BUCKY You got it. LANEL All done here? C'mon, I'll get you back to your ship. Willy and Lanel head out the door and make their way to The Righteous Indignation. SCENE 23 - FOOTHILLS, KANOPIS III The battle rages on, with many Corsair Canards and Ninja Ducks dead and many more running away. Kamo pilots the Toad Croaker, with Deadeye in the passenger's seat, over the battlefield. DEADEYE Ye sure yer the best pilot on this half o' the planet? KAMO That is what the Ninja Olympics say. The mechanical crab fires at the Toad Croaker. Kamo swoops and dives to avoid the fire. Kamo flies the Toad Croaker into the mechanical crab's mouth. Inside the crab is a twisted mass of black gears, axles, pistons, and cables, all spinning, pumping, creaking, and sparking. Kamo slows the Toad Croaker and flies through a circular shaft of green, sparking wires. DEADEYE We touch the sides an' we're toast! KAMO It will be the same as the games at Mt. Shiai! Kamo turns, twists, and dives the Toad Croaker through the narrow shaft while Deadeye grits his beak and clutches the sides. A protruding cable knocks off Deadeye's hat, and he turns to see it burst into flames from touching the cable. The Toad Croaker enters a square shaft and halts next to a black cylindrical tower. Deadeye and Kamo look up at the tower. DEADEYE This must be the place. Kamo floats the Toad Croaker up the tower and stops at its top, where a great black sphere is fastened to it by two clamps. Deadeye and Kamo step onto the tower. DEADEYE That's gotta be it. Let's break this thing and get outta here. Deadeye pulls out his maser pistols, and Kamo draws his swords. Deadeye blasts at the sphere while Kamo cuts at it, but it is undamaged. Kamo lowers his swords. KAMO Spare your weapons, Deadeye. We can neither blast nor cut through this armor, whatever it is. Kamo looks around the sphere. KAMO There are no wires or any other connection to sever. It must operate the crab via a radio frequency. Deadeye grumbles and squeezes his pistols. He is about to curse when he looks down and sees giant gears turning at the bottom of the shaft. DEADEYE (looking down) We may not be able to blast it ... but maybe we can blend it. Kamo looks to the gears at the bottom of that shaft. KAMO Will it blend? That is the question. DEADEYE Ha hah! Let's find out! Deadeye repeatedly shoots one of the clamps holding the sphere while Kamo cuts the other one. They soon destroy both. Deadeye and Kamo put away their weapons. Kamo runs to Deadeye's side, and they push the sphere with all eight of their arms. The sphere rolls off the tower and plummets down the shaft into the turning gears. With horrible crunching, grating, scraping, and shredding sounds, the sphere is eventually ground into dust. Kamo waves his paws as the dust billows up. KAMO Whew! Macroprocessor smoke. Don't breathe this. Deadeye raises his arms. DEADEYE (ecstatic) Yes! It blends! Deadeye and Kamo are thrown off balance as the shaft shakes. They fall off the tower. Outside, the mechanical crab begins shaking violently. Its turrets swivel aimlessly, and its lights flicker. Corsair Canards and Ninja Ducks all around begin to run as the mechanical crab crashes down to the ground with a thunderous impact. The Corsair Canards and Ninja Ducks are struck speechless for a time before they suddenly cheer and throw their weapons into the air. Inside the crab, all the mechanics have stopped, and energy no longer flows. The shaft lies sideways, and debris is scattered about, some of it piercing the shaft walls. A tattered Deadeye hangs by one paw, clinging to a magnetic disk stuck to the now-horizontal tower. He holds a tattered and dazed Kamo by the collar in another paw. Kamo begins to stir and looks up at Deadeye, who grins. KAMO Deadeye? You saved me? DEADEYE Least I could do for me blood brother, eh? KAMO Indeed. DEADEYE Whatcha say we stop hangin' around and try t' find a way outta here? Kamo nods. SCENE 24 - BRIDGE, TOAD MOTHERSHIP Only Frix, Frax, and the Air Marshal remain on the bridge. Frix and Frax, at the navigation system, stare dumbfounded at their monitor's depiction of the mechanical crab's destruction. The Air Marshal looks over their shoulders and sighs. FRIX How did they do that? AIR MARSHAL (both frustrated and relieved) I guess we have no choice but to return to the Homeworld. The Air Marshal turns to find a monitor in his face showing KOMPLEX. He yelps and falls over. AIR MARSHAL (frightened) KOMPLEX! Wh-wh-what brings you here? KOMPLEX You assured me the assault mecha could not be destroyed. AIR MARSHAL (frightened) I th-th-thought it couldn't! Honestly, I ... KOMPLEX Silence! Despite its ultimate and unsurprising failure, your scheme has proved a tremendous benefit. AIR MARSHAL I ... wha? KOMPLEX The civil war has irreparably damaged the strength of the mallard forces, and transmissions state that the bear and koala home worlds of Rigel V and Noctur XI plan to secede from the UAC due to the Corsair Canard attacks on the UAC cargo freighter. You may not have wiped out the mallards, Air Marshal, but these events have played out in our favor. KOMPLEX disappears from the monitor. FRAX Man, Air Marshal, you're good! FRIX Snatching victory from defeat, just like always! The Air Marshal says nothing. SCENE 25 - BRIDGE, THE RIGHTEOUS INDIGNATION Bucky sits in the captain's seat next to Jenny, while Deadeye leans against the seat. Kamo is on the screen. KAMO (over comm) I cannot thank you enough for your efforts, Captain O'Hare. I even hear that Chairman Dogstar is choosing to keep the treaty with the Corsair Canards intact. BUCKY (into comm) I can't imagine how pissed Griff is going to be, even if the war *was* a setup. KAMO By the way, where is Master DuWitt? I would like to thank him as well for his invaluable assistance. JENNY Lanel helped him to safety. He's home. KAMO Then I shall thank him when I receive the opportunity. I look forward to killing you soon! Kamo cuts the transmission. Bucky and Jenny both stare at the blank comm screen with raised brows. DEADEYE He don't mean it, Cap'n. That's just his way of sayin' goodbye. SCENE 26 - CAFETERIA, FRANCISCO MIDDLE SCHOOL, SAN FRANCISCO, EARTH Two days later, the cafeteria of Willy's old middle school has been furnished with a buffet, and many alumni eat, drink, and mingle. Willy nervously steps in the front door. He's wearing a button-down shirt and his nicest pair of blue jeans. WILLY (to himself) I barely knew any of these people. The ones I did I either never liked or they never liked me. Why am I here? Willy shuffles up to the greeting table and looks for his nametag. A GIRL about seventeen years old sits behind the table. GIRL Name? WILLY Willy DuWitt. GIRL (blinks) Oh, wow. Weird Willy! We never heard a peep from you after you went to that other high school. We all kinda figured you blew yourself up working on some science thing. WILLY (finding his nametag) No such luck, sorry. GIRL Have fun! WILLY Yeah. Willy walks up to the buffet table, keeping his eye out for any familiar faces at all. WILLY (getting some food) I should have asked Scott to come or something. Anything. This is gonna *suck*. Willy brings his meal over to an empty table and sits alone, poking at his food. He looks around, only recognizing about a third of the people in the room. WILLY (to himself) That's Bill ... Shirley ... Marcus ... Dave ... that looks like Marie. I don't think I ever talked to them. I just had classes with them. Just then, someone comes up behind Willy. VOICE Well, as I live and breathe. Willy! It *is* you! Willy turns around to see a face that is halfway familiar, but older than Willy remembers. WILLY Susie? SUSIE Hey there, dweeb! SUSIE hugs Willy, visibly startling him. SUSIE I haven't seen or heard from you in years! I thought you were dead or something! WILLY (shy) Nah, not dead. Just ... you know. Me. SUSIE Oh my God! I still can't believe it. Come on! Susie grabs Willy's hand and pulls him up from his seating position. SUSIE You will never, ever believe this, but we were just talking about you. WILLY We? Who's we? Susie brings Willy up to someone who also rings a faint bell. It takes Willy a second to recognize the tall teenaged boy with red hair standing in front of him. WILLY Jeff? Jeff Burton? JEFF Well, damn! Speak of the devil. JEFF shakes Willy's hand. JEFF Susie and I were just talking about you. I just wanted to thank you, you know, for that electric skateboard project you helped us with. I mean, I know we kinda forced you into it, but that thing got me so into computers. I stopped hanging out with Doug and just sat down at a keyboard. (beat) All I needed was someone to show me that learning how the world works can actually be cool. I was headed toward being a delinquent, and now I've got a 3.5 GPA. WILLY (speechless) Wow. I ... I had no idea. I mean, I'm glad I could help ... SUSIE You really should have kept in touch, Willy. I know you didn't have many friends, but that didn't mean you had to disappear. WILLY Sorry. I just got caught up in other things, I guess. JEFF Well, now that we know you didn't start a colony on Mars or something, we should hang out. WILLY (surprised) Really? Yeah, sure. Wow. Just then, angry murmurs come from the cafeteria. A surly TEENAGER with messy brown hair, a goatee, sunken eyes, and breath reeking of alcohol shoves his way through the alumni and over to where Willy is standing. TEENAGER (spitting out his words) Fucking Willy DuWitt. You got a lot of nerve coming here, you little shithead. WILLY Doug? Doug McKenna grabs Willy by the collar. DOUG (speech slurred) I knew you had to be here somewhere, Willy. I'm gonna make you pay for what you did to me. WILLY Even your jacket stinks of vodka. How the hell much did you drink? DOUG Shut the fuck up, Willy! I flunked out of a whole trimester because of that goddamn skateboard. After pissmop over there decided to squeal about it, that is. (glances at Jeff) I'll deal with you later. Willy starts to chuckle. DOUG What the hell's so funny? WILLY (amused) What are you gonna do, beat me up? You think you can hurt me? I don't care about you, Doug. You're not even the bottom of the barrel. You're the scum underneath the barrel that's jealous of the stuff on the bottom. (beat) Try to beat me up. Just try. It doesn't change the fact that you're a whiny shit-brained three-year-old whose mother blows goats and probably shot up heroin when she was pregnant with you. Susie gasps. Jeff is both surprised and impressed. DOUG You got some lip on you, Willy. Doug lets go of Willy and pulls a switchblade out of his jacket. DOUG How about I cut it off? WILLY You remember when I told you I've seen toads scarier than you? The toads got scarier. You didn't. Your little knife doesn't change anything. Susie runs off to go get someone while Jeff approaches Doug. JEFF Doug, don't do this, man. Aren't you violating parole just by being here? Agitated, Doug swings at Willy, who steps back and dodges the blow. Doug tries again, just barely catching Willy's arm and leaving a superficial but long gash. As if not feeling the pain, Willy shoulder-rams Doug, knocking him down. He stomps on Doug's wrist, making him drop the switchblade. Willy then punches Doug's face, bloodying his mouth and knocking out a tooth. Willy breathes heavily and bleeds slowly as Doug sits on the floor, dazed. Susie returns with two SECURITY OFFICERS. SECURITY OFFICER #1 Hey hey hey! Break it up! SECURITY OFFICER #2 (to Willy) That was a little much, kid. Normally, I'd have to bring you down to the station for it. WILLY I don't care. SECURITY OFFICER #2 Lucky for you, we were warned about this kid. I don't know how he slipped in here. (to Doug) We got everything on security camera, punk. You're going back to jail. The two security officers drag the disoriented Doug McKenna away. DOUG (slurred) I'll get you for this, Willy! I'll fucking skin your parents alive in front of you! And you, and your friends, too! I'll kill you all! Willy sighs. SUSIE (still a bit startled) You've changed. WILLY Hopefully for the better. Susie nods. SECURITY OFFICER #2 Come on, kid. Let's get you looked at. WILLY It's not that bad. SECURITY OFFICER #2 I'm not having it. To the nurse, pronto. JEFF Dude, you're not just vanishing again. Lemme give you my number. WILLY Hey, sure. Uh, write it down. JEFF What, you don't have a cell phone? WILLY Heh. I'm sure my parents think those cause holes in the ozone later. SUSIE (handing Willy a scrap of paper) Here's my number. And Jeff's. Call us? WILLY (smiling) You know I will. Willy walks off with the security officer, thinking to himself. WILLY (thinking) THE END