"Ceremony" by Fero McPiglet First draft - 6/21/98 Second draft - 11/11/98 Final draft - 11/17/98 Edited by DJ Clawson Edited by Rygar 12/26/03 SCENE 1 - A LABORATORY ON THE TOAD HOMEWORLD TOAD SCIENTISTS are working on a computer and calculating when TOADBORG walks into the room. One of the scientists quickly stops working and approaches Toadborg. TOAD SCIENTIST #1 Toadborg! We didn't expect ... we didn't know you'd be dropping ... TOADBORG Silence! KOMPLEX wants a progress report on the alternative energy source project. How go the energy experiments? TOAD SCIENTIST #1 Well, we're in the process of completing our latest test. The toad scientist talks to Toadborg while they walk to the next room. They peer into the viewing glass. TOAD SCIENTIST #1 In our previous experiments, we bombarded various minerals with photon rays in hopes that we could trigger a reaction that would generate energy. (beat) So far, we found three different types of metal that reacted with the rays. Their composition changed and started giving off minute amounts of energy too small to be of any use, but we noticed that if we brought any one of the metals in proximity to another, the power emissions started to peak. (beat) We have theorized that if we let the three different pieces of metal come into contact with each other, they will be able to generate the amount of energy we need for the hyperspatial particle cannon. TOADBORG I see. What is the present status of the experiment? TOAD SCIENTIST #1 You can see for yourself. Toadborg looks through the glass to see mechanical arms in the process of pushing three different metal bars close together while other toad scientists are monitoring the energy fluctuations on a computer. TOADBORG Interesting. My sensors are picking up a massive amount of energy building up. TOAD SCIENTIST Of course. I am confident that this will be exactly what KOMPLEX needs ... Suddenly, an alarm rings, and the room starts flashing in red lights. In the other room, the mechanical arms have not yet brought the metal bars together when the bars start to glow brightly in yellow. The toad scientist quickly checks the computers. TOADBORG What's happening? What's wrong? TOAD SCIENTIST I-I didn't anticipate this. The energy building up is tremendous! TOADBORG But that's what we need ... TOAD SCIENTIST No! We won't be able to harness it! It's too powerful! Too fast! It'll come out as a massive explosion! TOADBORG Then stop the experiment! Separate the metals! The toad scientist fumbles with the computer frantically, but it's too late. In the other room, the mechanical arms have finally brought the metal bars together and are melting from the heat being generated. The bars have changed from yellow to a glowing orange as they fuse. The scientists start screaming and running away. TOAD SCIENTIST #1 I can't! They've fused together! TOADBORG (angrily) Then eject them! The toad scientist tries to use the computer again when the whole thing short-circuits. TOAD SCIENTIST #1 It won't respond! It's going to blow any second! Toadborg quickly breaks through the viewing glass and rips the three metal bars from the mechanical arms. The metal bars change colors again, from orange to red. Toadborg turns to the toad scientist. TOADBORG Open the ceiling! The agitated toad scientist pushes a button on the wall beside him. The ceiling in the viewing room starts opening slowly. Toadborg, with his hand starting to melt, loads the metals bars into his arm cannon and shoots the whole thing into the dark sky. He watches the bars shine bright white before detonating in a massive explosion that lights up the night. The toad scientist is rubbing his eyes when Toadborg climbs back into the room and grabs him by the throat. The scientist starts to choke. TOADBORG (cruelly) I should kill you for that error. You could have destroyed us all. The scientist is still choking when Toadborg throws him to the wall. The scientist gasps for breath as Toadborg continues. TOADBORG But you have given me an idea. Can you synthesize more of those metals? TOAD SCIENTIST #1 (gasping) Ye-yes! But our supplies are low. We only have enough to make several small pieces. TOADBORG That would be enough. Clean this mess up and report to me when you're finished. Toadborg starts walking out of the room and turns back one last time to the toad scientist. TOADBORG This may not be exactly what KOMPLEX wants, but it just might be what he needs ... SCENE 2 - HANGAR, GENUS The S.P.A.C.E. ship The Screaming Mimi is docked in the hangar. FIRST MATE JONATHAN WEISSMAN is inside checking the console, and GUNNER HARRY CALLAN is loading some crates into the back. CAPTAIN MIMI LAFLEUR is outside admiring her frigate when someone calls her. VOICE Captain LaFleur? Mimi turns around and finds a young SLEAZASAUR with a toolkit standing behind her. MIMI Yes? SLEAZASAUR I am Dile O'Crock. I am applying for the position of engineer on The Screaming Mimi. Mimi looks at the sleazasaur. Dile is a few inches shorter than she is. His scales are more of a shade of light green than the usual purple. He is very neatly dressed in the standard engineer's outfit. MIMI (surprised, warily) You're an engineer? DILE Yes, I am. I graduated top of my class from the United Animals Coalition Space Academy, majoring in warp mechanics and general frigate maintenance. I hope you will accept me as part of your crew. MIMI (visibly hesitates, looking around) Well ... DILE I know. I am a sleazasaur, and the reputation of my species makes you nervous. (handing Mimi some papers) But, as you can see, I have a recommendation from the Dean of the Graham Institute of Technology, as well as citations for exemplary behavior and conduct. Contrary to popular belief, not all sleazasaurs are greedy, lowlife mercenaries. MIMI (looking through the papers) Oh, I'm sorry, Dile. You know that's the general view of mammals towards sleazasaurs. DILE That is OK, Captain LaFleur. It is mostly true. I was raised with my brothers and sisters on a space station, away from our home planet, Reptilia. I have gotten used to the discriminations of my fellow aniversians. MIMI (warming up to him) Relax, Dile. We're all friends here. Hmm, everything seems to be in order. And we *do* need an engineer ... (beat) Well, welcome aboard, Engineer Dile! I'd like you to meet my crew. Jonathan! Harry! Get out here! Jonathan and Harry stop what they're doing and walk over to Mimi. JONATHAN Yes, Captain? HARRY What's up? MIMI Guys, I'd like you to meet out new engineer, Dile O'Crock. (gesturing) Dile, this is my first mate, Jonathan Weissman, and our gunner, Harry Callan. DILE (extending his paw) Pleased to meet you both. Jonathan doesn't react much, but Harry looks surprised. HARRY (to Mimi, quietly) But he's a sleazasaur! Dile sighs. SCENE 3 - ALCATREK SPACE PRISON AL NEGATOR is piloting a two-seat cruiser, escaping the prison, while firing his maser gun behind him. On the other seat, with his seatbelt tightly fastened, TINKER the rat is covering his eyes. Behind them, other ships, not frigates, are in hot pursuit. NEGATOR C'mon, Tinker, snap out of it! TINKER No! I'm not talking to you! Negator shoots at two of the stellar police ships, disabling them, and expertly evades the blasts of the remaining ships. TINKER After all those inventions I designed for you, you knock me out to take my escape route and let that blasted Dogstar arrest me! You left me to rot in Alcatrek! NEGATOR I'm sorry, Tinker, but you know the rules in the mercenary business. You have to look out for yourself. TINKER (finally taking his paws out of his eyes) Is that so? Then how come you sprung me from the pen?! Negator barely avoids being hit by a maser blast and flies upside down, taking out another ship. He looks sheepishly at Tinker. NEGATOR Well, I ... ah, that is ... TINKER Spill it. NEGATOR (mumbles) I, ah, need your ... um, help. TINKER (mocking) What was that? I can't hear you. NEGATOR (closing his eyes and shouting) I said, *I need your help!* Negator blows away another ship while Tinker looks smug. TINKER I thought so. What for? NEGATOR Well, there's these bunch of new guys, the regens. They've got all these new skills and powers, like teleportation, and they're moving in on my assignments. (beat) I'm gonna need an edge if I'm going to stay on top of the mercenary business. No way am I going to let some stupid dimension-hopping lizards take my simoleans! TINKER I see. You haven't changed a bit, Al. You're still greedy for cash. But what makes you think I'm going to help you when you *left me to rot in prison?* NEGATOR (smoothly) Look, I said I'm sorry, didn't I? Besides, I went through a lot of trouble to break you out! Do you know what I went through? Negator flies deftly through an asteroid field, followed by the police ships. Some of the police ships have started crashing, but most of them are still firing away at Negator. NEGATOR I had to let myself be captured -- captured, I tell you! It puts a blemish on my reputation! They finally tried and convicted me and brought me here, too. If those bombs I'd planted before hadn't worked along with this remote-controlled cruiser, I'd still be in the brig with you! I put a lot on the line for you! TINKER Well you'd have to if you want the best in the hijacked hi-tech department. But still, what do I care about you? Like you said, you have to look out for yourself. NEGATOR (getting angry) OK then, how about I just drop you off here on this asteroid and have the police pick you up, huh? Bet they'll add years to your already long sentence. How about that? The police ships finally launch their missiles. They lock on to Negator's cruiser and follow it around an asteroid. There's a big explosion. When the police ships fly over, they see fragments of the ship floating in space. A VOICE floats out from one of the ships. VOICE (over comm) Contacting Alcatrek. We can find no trace of the felons. We believe they have been atomized. We are commencing a sweep then going back home. As the police ships leave, Negator's cruiser drops its cloaking device and flies away from its hiding place underneath another asteroid. TINKER OK, OK, fine! I'll help you. Geez ... (beat) What do you need more money for anyway? You've probably saved up a fortune already. I know you don't lose it in gambling; you don't make bets unless you rigged the game. NEGATOR That's none of your business. C'mon, I'll get you to one of your workshops so you can whip up some new toys for me. TINKER Sure, sure ... SCENE 4 - MERCENARY BAR It's a few days later. Two HOODED FIGURES are talking on a table while the seedy bar is bustling with suspicious-looking people and thugs. HOODED FIGURE #1 Are you sure about this? HOODED FIGURE #2 Yeah, I'm sure. Al Negator's good enough for the job. We've hired him before, remember? HOODED FIGURE #1 Yeah, but I think it'd be much better if we asked a regen. They're much sneakier. HOODED FIGURE #2 Sneakier, yeah, but only to stab you in the back! I don't trust those lizards. At least Negator's reliable, as long as you pay him well. HOODED FIGURE #1 But does he have the proper skills? I hear he's finally gotten himself caught and killed. Suddenly, something hazy materializes in the vacant chair next to the hooded figures. They're surprised, but no one else in the bar notices because it happens too fast. It's Negator. NEGATOR I assure you that reports of my demise are greatly exaggerated. (grins) Hello. HOODED FIGURE #1 Hey! How'd you do th ... HOODED FIGURE #2 (elbows his companion and leaves him gasping) Al Negator! You ... you're right on time! NEGATOR Indeed I am. Now what's the assignment? HOODED FIGURE #2 Here. (hands Negator a small box) We want you to go to Rigel V, the koala planet, and exchange this with the one you'll find in their leader's room. And we want it done quickly and quietly. NEGATOR (opens the box and finds a small shiny medal on it) I see. Is it a bomb? HOODED FIGURE #2 Well, you might say th ... HOODED FIGURE #1 (elbows the other figure and leaves him gasping, too) No. It's just an ordinary piece of metal, uh, medal. It's the genuine koala medal we want. That's just to make sure the koalas don't miss the real thing. NEGATOR (pocketing the box) All right, then. What about the payment? HOODED FIGURE #1 We'll give you your simoleans when you've returned with the real medal. We'll meet you back here in a few hours. NEGATOR Works for me. Consider it done. Negator doesn't bother to stand up as he suddenly dematerializes. Both hooded figures look again in surprise. HOODED FIGURE #1 Wow, Negator's got some new moves. HOODED FIGURE #2 See, I told you he's good enough for the job! HOODED FIGURE #1 Yeah. (suddenly hits the other guy's head) Now why did you hit me back there, Frix? FRIX (retaliates by hitting back) 'Cause you were being stupid, that's why! You're not supposed to act impressed with guys like that! What were you thinking, Frax? FRAX (hits Frix again) Me? You're the one who nearly blabbed out the plan! You're the stupid one! FRIX No, you're the stupid one! FRAX No, *you're* the ... SCENE 5 - UNKNOWN LOCATION Negator is boarding his ship, listening to the radio device he has in his paws. NEGATOR (thinking) (beat) Negator shrugs as his ship takes off for Rigel V. SCENE 6 - THE RIGHTEOUS INDIGNATION CAPTAIN BUCKY O'HARE and FIRST MATE JENNY are piloting the ship en route to Rigel V as ENGINEER WILLY DUWITT climbs up the ladder. WILLY Hi, guys. You asked me to come over, right? I didn't see Deadeye or Bruiser back there. Is something wrong? BUCKY Nothing much, I'm afraid. The toads have been awfully quiet. That's what bothering me. WILLY Huh? JENNY (laughs) Bucky's just kidding, Willy. It's true; there's not much toad activity lately, but that's good. It gives us the time and security to push through with the UAC's Pledge Ceremony of Vigilance. WILLY (wiping his glasses) Pledge Ceremony of Vigilance? What's that? BUCKY It's a celebration that takes place every year to honor those who gave and continue to give their lives for the peace and safety of the aniverse. Representatives from each planet in the UAC come to Genus to pledge their allegiance to the service of their fellow aniversians. It's a happy occasion. WILLY Really? Then how come you've never mentioned it? JENNY The UAC decided to stop holding the ceremony since the beginning of the Toad Wars. The aniverse's top guardians have to leave their posts to attend the ceremony, which would leave their sectors and their planets unguarded. Besides, having all the important commanders and captains in one place makes it a tempting target for the toads to attack. WILLY Oh. But we've upgraded all our defense shields around Genus, and the other planets, we've freed from the toads. Isn't our security so tight that no one can bring any sort of unauthorized weapon into Genus's atmosphere without setting off the alarms? BUCKY That's true. And now that reports have confirmed that toad activity has diminished, the UAC has decided that it would be good for morale to celebrate the Ceremony of Vigilance once again. (beat) We've already stopped the advancement of the Toad Empire, and now we're slowly taking back each conquered planet. It'll be good to inspire people and tell them we can still win the Toad Wars. WILLY So where're we going now? JENNY To Rigel V, the koala planet. We'll be escorting their leader to Genus. WILLY And Deadeye and Bruiser? BUCKY They've gone to their respective planets to ask their leaders if they'd like to come. We've already gone to Warren and Aldebaran, and everybody'll be arriving in Genus shortly. WILLY Sounds like quite a celebration. Bucky, will I get to be part of the pledge? BUCKY Of course, Willy. You've been quite a help to us with your bravery and technical skills. If anybody deserves to be among those honored, it's you. WILLY (blushes) Gee, thanks. SCENE 7 - HALLWAY, GOVERNMENT BUILDING, RIGEL V The main hall is empty, but a small box rests on a table in the room. Negator suddenly materializes and replaces the medal in the box with the one he brought with him. He hears footsteps and presses a button on his suit to dematerialize just as the KOALA LEADER, with Bucky and crew, enters the room. The Koala Leader heads straight for the box and opens it. He brings out the medal and pins it on Bucky's uniform. KOALA LEADER There you go, Captain Bucky O'Hare, the Koala Medal of Recognition. We were never able to give our complete gratitude for you and your crew's effort to free us from the toads before. That is, not until today. We thank you and hope you wear that during the Pledge Ceremony. BUCKY (proudly) I'd be honored to. Now let's go. The Ceremony starts in a few hours. KOALA LEADER Oh. Oh yes. SCENE 8 - MERCENARY BAR Frix and Frax are still hitting each other when Negator materializes again. Both toads stop in surprise and compose themselves. NEGATOR I've held up my end of the bargain. Now where are my simoleans? FRAX Are you sure you made the proper exchange? NEGATOR I even know that the koalas pinned the medal on our dear friend Bucky O'Hare. FRIX Good, good! That's exactly what we wan ... FRAX (elbows Frix) Er, yes! Here's your payment. Frax hands Negator a briefcase. Negator opens it and checks to see if all the simoleans are there. Satisfied, he then closes it. NEGATOR Well, everything does seem to be in order. FRAX (starts to stand up) Pleasure doing business with you. NEGATOR (brings out the real medal and waves it around) But don't you want the real koala medal? I thought that's what you really wanted? FRAX Oh, that. Well, that's not what we were really aft ... FRIX (elbows Frax) Er, give it here! (grabs it) Thanks! It just, uh, slipped our minds! NEGATOR Oh, I'm sure it did. Negator presses a button on his suit and dematerializes. FRIX (gives a sigh of relief) Thank goodness that's over! FRAX Yeah, at least we're done with our part of the mission. FRIX I wonder how our fellow stormtoads are doing with Captain Mimi and Commander Dogstar? FRAX Well, I bet their missions didn't go as smoothly as ours did! FRIX Speaking of going smoothly ... (bashes Frax with the medal) How forgetful can you get, Frax? You nearly blew our cover! FRAX (grabs the medal and also bashes Frix with it) Yeah, well you nearly blew it, too, you idiot! FRIX (bash) Idiot! I'll show you who's an idiot, you idiot! FRAX (bash) Look who's talking, idiot! SCENE 9 - NEGATOR'S SHIP Negator is shaking his head in disbelief as he listens to the toads' conversation using his new snooper device. He prepares for launch. NEGATOR (thinking) (beat) Negator rolls his eyes upward. NEGATOR (thinking) Negator checks his computer. NEGATOR I say. The Screaming Mimi's heading towards planet Banzaar, but The Indefatigable is much closer, near Sludge. Dogstar it is, then. Negator's ship warps. SCENE 10 - SLUDGE COMMANDER DOGSTAR is in the secret base in the garbage site Sludge. He's talking with MAJOR BOTTLENOSE, a dolphin wearing a special suit that keeps him immersed in water and lets him move on dry land. DOGSTAR I'm glad to see you'll be attending the Ceremony later, Bottlenose. BOTTLENOSE Of course, old chap. I really haven't had any time to go out and socialize, what with me and my team always on communications alert. It's really a blessing that the toads have decided to leave us alone for a while. That we have confirmed. DOGSTAR And that they've finally designed that wetsuit of yours. Right, then. I'll escort you to your ship. Dogstar and Bottlenose exit through a secret door from a dome hidden by a garbage mound and make their way out to the streets. Bottlenose comes out clean in his wetsuit, but Dogstar is a little dirty. DOGSTAR I wish you'd move your base to any other place other than this garbage dump. BOTTLENOSE It's an effective disguise, you know. No one would ever want to search among the refuse, and no one would dream that there's a hi-tech facility underneath the trash. DOGSTAR Well, it's gotten my uniform dirty. I can't go to the Ceremony looking like this. BOTTLENOSE I believe you're right. Say, there's a newly open special laundromat over there. They can clean your uniform while you wait, even while you're in it. DOGSTAR What a stroke of luck. SCENE 11 - LAUNDROMAT Dogstar is standing still as a machine focuses a nozzle around him, removing dirt using a low-level sonic beam. An ATENDANT stands by with him. Within a few seconds, Dogstar's uniform is completely clean. DOGSTAR (looking sharp) I say. That was fast. ATTENDANT Look, your cufflink is dented. DOGSTAR It is? I don't see anyth ... The attendant steps over, removes Dogstar's cufflink, and disappears to the other room before Dogstar can protest. Then, before Dogstar could say another word, the attendant comes back with a new cufflink and attaches it. ATTENDANT There, now your uniform looks perfect. DOGSTAR Really? Well, you sure know how to take care of your customers. Thank you. Dogstar pays the attendant and steps out to the waiting Bottlenose. Meanwhile, the attendant steps into the back of the store where TOADS are waiting for him. The attendant removes his disguise to show that he, too, is a toad. TOAD #1 Mission accomplished. I replaced Dogstar's cufflink without him knowing it. TOAD #2 Good. Now only one more target, then we can really look forward to the Pledge Ceremony. TOAD #3 Yeah! You might say ... SCENE 12 - THE STREETS OF SLUDGE Negator is hiding in an alley, listening to his snooper. TOAD #3 (voice) ... it's going to start with a bang! NEGATOR (thinking) Negator suddenly hears voices approaching his hiding place. BOTTLENOSE What is it, Dogstar? DOGSTAR Shh. I've picked up a scent. Someone familiar ... NEGATOR (thinking) Negator activates his teleportation device and dematerializes just as Dogstar and Bottlenose turn around the corner with maser blasters drawn. They look at the empty alley in bewilderment. BOTTLENOSE There's nothing here. DOGSTAR (tapping his nose) I could have sworn ... BOTTLENOSE That's all right, Dogstar. You've just been on duty for too long. But chin up. The Ceremony will take your mind off things. SCENE 13 - PLANET BANZAAR Banzaar is a trader's world, where people can buy and sell all sorts of things. Captain Mimi and her crew have landed their frigate and are walking around the streets. Mimi is walking in front with Harry, Jonathan, and Dile following behind her. HARRY As you can see, Mimi's a great captain. She's smart, worldly, fast on her feet and on the draw, and has a great fashion sense. DILE Ah, is that why we are here in Banzaar? Our captain wants to look for adornments? HARRY Yeah. She's got this thing for Captain O'Hare and wants to impress him. JONATHAN (whispering) She's an incredible flirt. DILE I see. MIMI (calls out) Hey, don't think I can't hear you guys back there! JONATHAN and HARRY Sorry, Captain! DILE But should not we be helping with the security in Genus? Preparing for the Ceremony? HARRY Lighten up, Dile! We've got nothing to worry about. Everything's in great shape. JONATHAN Mimi made sure to finish all her duties before stopping by here. She wanted to have enough time to shop. HARRY (playfully punching Dile in the shoulder) Yeah! You should learn to relax, ol' buddy! You're always so stiff. Ever since you came aboard, you're always going about with work, work, work! Loosen up! DILE (rubbing his shoulder and trying to smile) I am sorry. It is just that I was raised to be alert all the time. JONATHAN Why's that? DILE I'm from a large family. I have lots of brothers and sisters, and we were all abandoned by our parents. Life is tough in Reptilia. Our older cousin took it upon himself to bring us to a space station and raise us. (beat) He took care of us and paid for our food, board, education, everything. He taught us to be good people and to be hardworking so we can take care of ourselves. He's always out, but he sends us money. Now that I'm old enough, I'd like to be able to pay him back for all that he did for us and be the one to help support the family. HARRY (impressed) Wow. JONATHAN (likewise) Yeah. I never heard of a sleazasaur doing something like that. MIMI (turns around, having heard everything) So that's why you're always so strict with yourself, working so hard. You're trying to earn money. DILE It is actually more of the respect. I know sleazasaurs are not generally trusted by the rest of the populace. I am trying to change that for the sake of the rest of my family when they start working, too. HARRY (beginning to take a liking to Dile) Relax. MIMI That's right, Dile. You're part of The Screaming Mimi now. You're our comrade. You can let your hair down. (beat) In fact, as your captain, I *order* you to have fun. DILE But ... MIMI No buts, Engineer Dile! For the rest of the hour, I want all of you to explore the Banzaar trading station and do your own thing. Is that understood? DILE But ... MIMI We'll all meet back at the ship. Take care of yourselves, and have fun. Mimi leaves the three to go on her own. Harry and Jonathan look at Dile. HARRY Well, I'm going to the shooting range and win myself a trophy or three. JONATHAN I've got someone to call. How about you, Dile? DILE Um, I think I will, uh, just "do my own thing," too. HARRY (slaps Dile on the shoulder) Good for you! DILE (tries to smile) Yes. SCENE 14 - ANOTHER PART OF BANZAAR Mimi is walking along the rows and rows of jewelry, clothes, and other accessories. She's looking at some. MIMI (thinking) Mimi keeps on walking and looking. She walks past a VENDOR. MIMI (thinking) VENDOR Hey, pretty lady, looking to catch somebody's eye? I have just the thing for you! Mimi stops and checks out the vendor's jewelry stall. MIMI (raising an eyebrow) Hey, I've never seen you here before. Did you just open recently? VENDOR Why, yes, pretty lady! Good guess! We did just open, and we have special bargain price on all our items. Take your pick, pretty lady! All items made from quality materials imported from other planets. Look at the craftsmanship! Look at the cut of the gems! Yes, pretty lady, take a look! Mimi is a bit put off by the vendor's enthusiasm but does take a look. She browses through all the necklaces, bracelets, rings, and such. She is about to leave when she spots a brooch with the insignia of the UAC on it. She picks it up. MIMI (thinking) (to the vendor) How much is this brooch? VENDOR Oh, that particular item? Special bargain offer in tribute of the Pledge Ceremony! Only ten simoleans! MIMI (pays the vendor then leaves) Here you go. Thanks. VENDOR Yes, pretty lady! Pleasure is all ours. The vendor makes sure no one is watching before opening a communicator. VENDOR (comm) Agent Wart Dealer reporting. Mission accomplished. Captain Mimi has taken the bait. I knew she'd never resist. TOAD VOICE (over comm) Excellent. I knew Captain Mimi would pass by sooner or later. With all three "packages" in place, all we have to do is wait for the Ceremony to start, and all our mammal problems will be over. United they'll stand and united they'll fall -- all of them! Close shop and return to the Toad Homeworld. VENDOR At once, sir! The toad vendor starts closing shop. In a dark corner, Negator hears the whole exchange with his snooper. NEGATOR (thinking) (beat) SCENE 15 - BANZAAR DOCKING PAD Mimi is walking toward The Screaming Mimi and is greeted by the arriving Harry and Jonathan. Harry is lugging a large stuffed dinosaur. MIMI Well, hello, boys. Harry, I see you've been having some fun at the simulator range. HARRY (grumbling and hugging the stuffed dino closer) Yeah. I could've won the trophy, but some kat in a flight suit had a better aim with his missiles. MIMI (chuckling) I see. How about you, Jonathan? JONATHAN (shrugs) Oh, nothing ... HARRY (catching on) You were talking to Polly, weren't you? Jonathan blushes at the mention of his girlfriend. JONATHAN Well ... yeah. Harry is about to tease him when Mimi cuts in. MIMI (looks around) Hey, where's Dile? DILE (stepping out of The Screaming Mimi) Here I am. MIMI (a little disappointed) Dile! I thought I ordered you to have fun! DILE Oh, I did, I did! I wandered around the Bazaar for a while before I realized The Screaming Mimi needed a scrubbing, so I did just that. MIMI And that was fun for you? DILE Well, yes. (noticing) Beautiful brooch, by the way. MIMI (pleased) Why, thank you for the compliment, Dile! I hope everyone at the Ceremony thinks so, too. C'mon, we're off to Genus. We'll probably be the last to arrive among the other frigates. JONATHAN, HARRY, and DILE Yes, Captain. SCENE 16 - ORBIT OF GENUS Negator's cruiser is cloaked behind a stray asteroid slowly orbiting Genus. A ship has just passed the defense shields, and another one is just approaching it. NEGATOR (thinking) Negator activates his teleporter and materializes aboard the first ship just as reaches the defense perimeter. COMPUTERIZED VOICE (in the ship) Halt, space vessel! Send your identification codes for verifica ... Negator activates the teleporter a second time and materializes on the second ship, which is preparing to enter the atmosphere of Genus. SHIP'S CAPTAIN Everybody fasten your seatbelts; we're preparing to land. Next stop, Genus's Spaceport for the UAC's Pledge Ceremony of Vigilance. NEGATOR (finds a seat and fastens his seatbelt) This had better be worth it. SCENE 17 - UAC CIRCLE PARK Negator walks around the center of the park, wearing a cloak for a disguise. The Circle Park is festively decorated, and the center has a big stage where all the dignitaries are to be gathered. There's a landing pad close by where the three S.P.A.C.E. frigates are to be displayed for everybody to see. So far, only The Righteous Indignation and The Indefatigable are parked there. People are already enjoying themselves, even thought the main events won't start until the evening. Negator can see Bucky and Dogstar's crews meeting with their friends. It's already late in the afternoon. NEGATOR My, my. Nice setup they got here. Fireworks and everything. Seems rather frivolous, though, celebrating the unity of the planets and pledging their loyalty. (beat) I can see why the toads would want to bomb this place at this time. Nearly every important person in the galaxy is here. (looks around again) This is mighty curious. I thought I'd see some toads trying to sneak in. But from what I heard, it's like everything's already set, whatever it is. I didn't hear a thing about the toads trying to deliver a bomb. All they were worried about is sneaking in those curious trinkets. I wonder ... (looks at the podium curiously) This is where the three captains will stand when they say their pledge together. (thinks) Wait, now. What was that last thing I heard that toad say? "United they'll stand." This is probably when they'll expect the bomb to go off. But there's no bomb here, and all the toads have done is give the captains those pieces of junk ... Negator snaps his fingers, laughing. NEGATOR That's it! The captains *are* the bomb! The toads must have designed those trinkets to react with each other to create an explosion! Very clever. Nobody would be able to detect the "bomb" while it's separated. I don't know how powerful it is, but it'll probably waste this whole area! It'll kill all these people ... (suddenly stops laughing and looks somber) Well, now. Should I exchange this substantial piece of information to the UAC for money? I don't think they have a lot of simoleans anyway, or they'd have strengthened their space fleet to something bigger than three measly frigates. Besides, they don't trust sleazasaurs. And then there's the probability that the toads will never hire me again for stopping their plot. They're the ones who pay the most for my services, and the money is what I need. (beat) But still, all those people ... Negator looks at the gathering of the crewmembers and company, then unconsciously turns on his snooper. He picks up various snippets of conversation. CONVERSATION #1 -There's my boy! C'mere, Bruiser! -Mom! Please! Not in front of my friends! This is embarrassing! -Yup! -Shut up, Pete. CONVERSATION #2 -So, Rumblebee, ye think yer faster'n me at the draw, eh? -Of course! Bzz! Bzz! My automated systems have perfect hand-eye coordination. I'm most superior to you, Deadeye! Bzz! Bzz! -Ha hah! We'll see about that. One ... two ... CONVERSATION #3 -Jenny, I'm kinda nervous here. Do I really deserve to be here? -Stop worrying, Willy. Of course you belong here. Now keep your cap on straight. -It's true what Master Jenny's saying, Willy. Besides, I think it suits you to be more dignified. -Stop it, Felicia. CONVERSATION #4 -This coffee machine doesn't seem to be working, Wolf. -That's because that's Blinky you're trying to operate there, Digger. -Oh, how about that. Sorry, Blinky. -This humble robot will fetch nearsighted engineer genuine caffeine drink. CONVERSATION #5 -Here! Have a beer, fellow Canard! -A samurai does not partake in alcohol, honorable pirate Red Jack. It slows down the reflexes. -Hey, ninja guy! There's nothing honorable about bein' a pirate! -My deepest apologies, pirate Blackbeard. I did not mean to offend you. -Don't worry about them, Kamikaze Kamo. I, for one, like a man with manners. -I am deeply honored by your compliment, pirate Lanel. -Ooh! I like you even more! CONVERSATION #6 -Chairman Warner, I'd like you to meet my chief information analyst, Dexter. -Pleased to meet you, Chairman. -And pleased to meet you too, Dexter. Major Bottlenose has told me a lot about you. Let me shake your hand. And your other hand. And your other hand. And your ... do you mind if I stop at four? -Most stop at one, sir. I appreciate the gesture. CONVERSATION #7 -Bucky! Good to see you, old boy! I say, nice medal you've got there. -Thanks, Dogstar. The koala gave it to me earlier today. -How's that pretty little hare you got in your corner? What's her name, Shira? How are Jenny and Mimi taking it that someone has else has stolen your affections, hmm? -I have no idea what you're talking about, Dogstar. You can ask Mimi, though. There's her ship. It's coming in for a landing. -Speaking of which, did you know that Mimi hired a sleazasaur to be her new engineer? -Really? I didn't know that. She should be careful. I had a bad experience with hiring a sleazasaur until Willy decided to be our permanent engineer. -Well, Mimi says her new engineer is great -- very capable and hard- working. Much too polite though. And formal. Can't even use contractions ... Negator suddenly looks like he's been struck by lightning. He looks up to see The Screaming Mimi heading toward the landing pad with the rest of the frigates. NEGATOR (worried) No! It can't be ... Negator uses the snooper again to listen to the conversation in The Screaming Mimi. JONATHAN (on the snooper) Landing pad in sight. MIMI (on the snooper) Hear that, guys? Prepare for docking procedures! HARRY (on the snooper) Yes, Captain. I'm all strapped in. DILE (on the snooper) Me, too. I have sufficiently fastened my seatbelts and am ready for docking. NEGATOR It is! Oh no! Negator stops listening and starts desperately running toward the parked frigates. He reaches The Righteous Indignation and, before anyone can notice him, takes off in the Toad Croaker. He flies toward The Screaming Mimi and readies its maser cannons. NEGATOR I've got to stop them from meeting with the others! SCENE 18 - THE SCREAMING MIMI The Screaming Mimi is about to land when the Toad Croaker flies up and starts blasting away at it. The Croaker hasn't hit the frigate but is very close to doing so. JONATHAN Captain Mimi! A Toad Croaker's firing at us! MIMI Can you identify the pilot? JONATHAN Negative. He's wearing a hood. HARRY Want me to fire back, Captain? MIMI No! We're over populated territory. We can't risk a fight over this area. Jonathan, evasive maneuvers! Lead that Croaker to the edge of the city! JONATHAN Yes, Captain! The frigate heads away, with the Croaker still following and firing. When they're close to the edge of the city, one of the maser shots hits the underbelly of the frigate. MIMI Dile! Report! DILE The engine is lightly damaged, and the fuel line has been hit! We have to land, Captain! HARRY Let me at 'im, Captain! MIMI Too late for that Harry! Jonathan, land my ship carefully. Everybody, crash positions. JONATHAN, HARRY, and DILE Yes, Captain. MIMI Hope you're enjoying your first combat, Dile. SCENE 19 - OUTSKIRTS OF CAPITAL CITY, GENUS Negator is aboard the Croaker, watching The Screaming Mimi crash land over a field. He flies in low and breathes a sigh of relief. NEGATOR I've done it! The Screaming Mimi can't join with the others. Now I've got to get that brooch before ... Suddenly, a maser shot blasts the engines of the Croaker. NEGATOR What in the ... (turns to look behind him) No! Both The Righteous Indignation and The Indefatigable are on his tail. Before Negator can fire back, another maser shot hits the Croaker and sends it out of control. Negator leaps out before it crashes. He rolls into the ground and stands up to find BRUISER and PITSTOP PETE, the muscle of Bucky and Dogstar's crews, in front of him. They grab him before he can get away. Bucky, Dogstar and the rest step out of their respective frigates. Bucky rips off Negator's hood. BUCKY Al Negator. I should have known. No toad's crafty enough to make it to Genus. DOGSTAR You've had your fun, Negator. Now what is the meaning of this? NEGATOR You two! Stay away from each other! There's a bomb! The toads have planted a bomb on you! You've got to believe me! DEADEYE We don't trust no stinking sleazasaurs, Negator, an' especially not you! JENNY (alarmed) Bucky, he's telling the truth! BUCKY He is? How'd you know? JENNY I just do! DOGSTAR What are you talking about? No way can any unauthorized explosive device get past our defen ... NEGATOR But it did! It's separated into three pieces, one for each captain! It's on your clothes! It's your medal and Dogstar's cufflink and Mimi's ... MIMI (running over) What's happening here? Who was firing at us? Al Negator? Mimi and Jonathan have just arrived from their frigate, which crashed nearby. NEGATOR No! Don't come any closer! MIMI What?! Almost at once, Bucky's medal, Dogstar's cufflink, and Mimi's brooch start glowing yellow in the disappearing sunlight. Everybody takes an involuntary step back. NEGATOR Too late! It's starting! BLINKY Scanners indicate ambient energy levels emanating from said objects steadily increasing. Analyzing resulting energy output to be of explosive capacity. Time until detonation: Thirty seconds ... twenty- nine ... JENNY Quick! Take them off! BUCKY (fumbling with his medal) I'm trying, but it's jammed! MIMI (also fumbling with her brooch) Mine, too! DOGSTAR (trying to remove the cufflink) It's a small locking mechanism! We can't get them off! MIMI (in pain) Aaahh! It's starting to burn! The three captains continue to struggle. Deadeye steps forward, drawing out his masers and setting them to stun. BLINKY Twenty seconds ... nineteen ... DEADEYE (urgently) Stand still, captains! BUCKY Deadeye! What are you doing? DEADEYE This might sting a little ... Deadeye fires at the three captains, who are standing still, shocked that Deadeye is shooting at them. The maser blasts tear the objects out, ripping at the captains' uniforms and knocking them backward and unconscious. The metals land in a heap, burning into the ground, glowing orange now. BLINKY Power levels still increasing. Fifteen seconds ... fourteen ... WILLY Somebody get them! Wolf and Jonathan both reach out for the metals, but it burns their paws. JONATHAN Ahh! It's like acid! WOLF We've got to get it out of here! Launch it into space! JENNY We don't have that kind of equipment! WOLF Then what else can we do!? BLINKY Power levels critical. Detonation in ten seconds ... nine ... WILLY Rumblebee! Transform! RUMBLEBEE Acknowledged! Bzz! Bzz! Conversion to cannon mode: processing ... BLINKY Seven ... six ... WILLY Hurry! The metals turn red, but Rumblebee is still transforming. DIGGER He's too slow! We're not going to make it! BLINKY Five ... four ... BRUISER (loosening his grip on Negator) We're gonna die! JONATHAN (thinking) (out loud) I can ... DILE (walking calmly into the group) Hello, everybody. Harry and I have put out the fire in The Screaming Mimi. What is transpiring he ... NEGATOR (spotting Dile) No! BLINKY Three ... Negator breaks free of Pete and Bruiser's hold and leaps over to the metals just as they glow white. He suddenly dematerializes. BLINKY Two ... JENNY (startled) Where'd he ... JONATHAN (thinking) BLINKY One ... Above the group, there's a big explosion. The flash lights up the remainder of the sunset, and everybody is swept into the ground. SCENE 20 - PODIUM, CENTER OF UAC CIRCLE PARK It's already night time. Some fireworks are being set off in the sky. The audience is celebrating and having a good time. The three frigates are docked in the landing pad, with The Screaming Mimi showing some visible quick repairs. Bucky, Dogstar and Mimi, having torn suits and disheveled appearances, are sitting on chairs with their crew behind them, listening to UAC CHAIRMAN FRITZ WARNER, who's been giving a speech for the past few minutes. Everybody looks tired and dirty, but still happy. MIMI (whispering to the others) That's the last time I let my vanity get the best of me. I'm not buying any more trinkets! DOGSTAR (whispering) Don't let it get to you, Mimi. No one could have known. I was caught off guard, too -- in the laundromat, of all places! BUCKY (whispering) And I was given a medal. No one can be on guard all the time. MIMI (whispering) At least your android was able to identify the energy signature of those metals. No way can the toads try that trick again. BUCKY (whispering) I'm thankful for that. There's a moment of silence as Fritz stops his speech. The audience starts clapping because they think he's finally finished, but Fritz only pauses to drink a glass of water before continuing. DOGSTAR (whispering) You know what bothers me about his whole thing? MIMI and BUCKY (whispering) What? DOGSTAR (whispering) I keep wondering about what that sleazasaur Negator's part is in this whole business. At first he attacks Mimi's frigate, then suddenly, he's trying to tell us about the bomb. BUCKY (whispering) I was wondering about that myself. It was pretty uncharacteristic of him. We've encountered him many times before in the past, and all that mercenary seems to be concerned with is his own skin and his simoleans. We don't know his motivations for acting the way he did ... and now, I guess we'll never know. DOGSTAR (whispering) It was probably for some sort of personal gain, I suppose. Something to give him an advantage. Blackmail, most likely. BUCKY (whispering) Maybe. MIMI (whispering) I can't believe the two of you! Someone may have just sacrificed his life for us and saved the whole of Genus, and you don't have the good graces to be grateful for it! We may not have liked Al Negator, but he did something really great, and we should at least honor him for that. DOGSTAR (whispering) But he's a criminal! And a sleazasaur at that! MIMI (whispering) Don't talk like that. Dile would be offended. BUCKY (whispering) Hey, that's right. What about your new engineer? He's a sleazasaur. Ask him to explain Al Negator's actions. MIMI (whispering) I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that, Bucky. Dile is different from others sleazasaurs. He's diligent, good-natured, honest, and polite. Not like the rest of those greedy jerks. BUCKY (whispering) OK, OK! MIMI (whispering) Besides, I asked him already. He said it's laughable that just because he's a sleazasaur, he would know what's all on their minds. He doesn't even know who Al Negator is, and he's relatively sure that he's never seen him before in his life. He didn't get a good look at him, though. (beat) Oh, he also added that he'd like to tell his family about his first official adventure -- maybe impress his cousin -- and that our photon accelerator needs a tune-up. BUCKY (whispering) Cousin? MIMI (whispering) Their guardian, or something. He's the one who sent him to school and made him study. Dile really looks up to him, since he's the one who took care of him and his family. He probably has lots of money, to be able to afford raising his relations. BUCKY (thinking) Hmmm. DOGSTAR (whispering) Look. Fritz is finally wrapping up. Fritz steps back from the podium and lets the spotlight shine on the three captains. FRITZ And now, to be the first to start the Pledge Ceremony of Vigilance, let me present to you the heroes of the S.P.A.C.E. fleet and the protectors of the aniverse! BUCKY (whispering) C'mon, that's our cue. Bucky, Dogstar and Mimi stand up at the same time, and the audience goes wild. In the night sky, more fireworks go off. THE END