BUCKY O'HARE AND THE TOAD WARS, EPISODE #5 - ON THE BLINK - Written by George Arthur Bloom Transcribed by Bill Hiers ~~~~~~~~~~~~ In the human world, Willy DuWitt and his friend Susie are visiting the San Francisco Zoo. They're at the bird sanctuary, looking at the various birds as Willy lectures. Susie doesn't appear to be interested. WILLY Birds can fly because the pressure on top of their wings is less than the pressure below. SUSIE Let's go look at the hummingbirds. They walk further along, to the Hummingbirds section of the sanctuary. A pair of hummingbirds drink nectar from a flower. WILLY The hummingbirds are scientific marvels. Not only do they flap their wings 70 times a second, they're the only bird that can fly backwards. Don't you think that's fantastic? Susie stomps off angrily across the zoo. SUSIE You and your aeromechanics! You make me so angry, Willy DuWitt. He hurries after her. WILLY (correcting her) Aerodynamics. Why? She turns and jabs a finger at him. SUSIE Because everything is a science project to you. WILLY (adjusting his glasses) Well, it's important to understand how things work. SUSIE It's important to know how things feel, too, Willy. Like those koalas. She turns and points at the koala cage. Two cuddly-looking koalas are in the eucalyptus tree, happily munching away on leaves. SUSIE They were almost extinct 'cause people didn't care! SCENE 2 - On Rigel 5, in the Aniverse, Quentin the Koala is hiding in the tall branches of a eucalyptus-like tree, talking into a makeshift radio. QUENTIN Quentin Koala on Rigel 5 calling Bucky O'Hare! At the same time, the Righteous Indignation is flying through space. QUENTIN (through the radio) Come in, Bucky, wherever you are! Bucky O'Hare and Jenny are on the bridge, listening to the transmission. BUCKY Rigel 5! That's where the koalas live! QUENTIN (through the radio) This is an emergency! The toads have taken over our planet, enslaved our people, and turned our home into a resort for toads! Back on Rigel 5, Frax appears underneath the tree Quentin is in, turns and yells offscreen. FRAX I found 'im! He begins to shake the tree, as Quentin holds on for dear life, still talking into the radio. QUENTIN Mayday! Koalas in trouble! Bucky, help us! With a cry, he falls out and crashes to the ground below! On the Righteous, Jenny turns to Bucky worriedly. Bruiser and Deadeye have joined them. JENNY I've lost contact! BUCKY Change course to Rigel 5. Bruiser starts getting excited. BRUISER Yeah! And move it! 'Cause I wanna croak some toads! He laughs and punches his fist into his palm to illustrate. BUCKY Easy, Bruiser. We better run a recon first. SCENE 3 - On Rigel 5, a resort called Club Toad has been built. A sign at the entrance reads "Officers Only!" A Toad TV monitor telecasts Verruca and the Toadstools, a heavy metal rock group, singing about warts. There's a swimming pool in an outdoor spa area filled with green water, where toads sunbathe on lily pads and get served drinks and chocolate-covered grasshoppers by koala slaves. Inside, toads lie on massage tables being given rubdowns by koalas as Verruca continues singing on TV sets at every table. As the song ends, we cut outside to a golf course, where the Toad Air Marshall and Al Negator are on the 18th green, wearing preppy golf clothes. A koala caddy stands nearby, holding the Air Marshall's golf bag as he lines up his putt. AL So, Air Marshall, when do I get my twenty-thousand simoleans for settin' up the mammal defense shield? AIR MARSHALL Come on, Al Negator, we don't even know if it works yet. AL Well, while we're waitin', five-thousand simoleans says you don't make that putt. AIR MARSHALL I could make it blindfolded. Kiss your simoleans, good-bye, sleazo! He swings his club back to putt. FRIX Air Marshall! Startled, the Air Marshall accidentally swats his ball into a pond, as Frix and Frax come running up with the captured Quentin. FRAX Look! We found the missing koala! Angrily, the Air Marshall smacks Frax in the shin with his club. Frax hops up and down, clutching his hurt leg. AIR MARSHALL And I just lost five-thousand simoleans, you wartbags! SCENE 4 - The Toad Croaker nears Rigel 5. Bucky and Deadeye are riding on it, both wearing spacesuits and bubble helmets. Bucky is looking around, alert. BUCKY Awfully quiet out here, Deadeye. If the toads have taken over Rigel 5, why aren't there any toad patrols? DEADEYE (chuckles) Never trust the silence, matey. As they bank towards the planet, suddenly a lattice-work of glowing green plasma beams appears, blocking their descent. The shield encompasses the entire planet. The Croaker gets jolted as it comes into contact with the beams, which zap the tiny ship, causing it to get bounced from one beam to another like in a pinball machine. BUCKY Joltin' Jackrabbits! Meanwhile, down on the surface of the planet, the Air Marshall and Al Negator, back in their regular clothes, are in the recreation room of the resort's communications center, sitting at a table over by the bar. Roona, a red-haired toad beauty, is on the television. Targets depicting mammals line the walls. ROONA (on TV, a sensual voice) Hi, all you toads out there. The toad love lines are open, just for you. And a special hello for big Al Negator. If you're out there, Al, gimme a jingle, okay? Al, excited, shakes the Air Marshall. AL Whoooa, where's the phone? Gimme the phone! The Air Marshall hands him a warty portable phone. AIR MARSHALL Whatever you want, Al. My swamp is your swamp. Suddenly Toadborg appears on the television screen. TOADBORG This is Toadborg speaking. We interrupt your local programming for a brief display of our new mammal-proof defense shield in operation. The screen changes to show Bucky and Deadeye on the Toad Croaker being batted from laser beam to laser beam. Several other toads gather around to watch, cheering. Bucky maneuvers the little craft in and out of the defense shield's checkerboard pattern, but can't get clear. BUCKY Can't crack the barrier! They take another hit and are knocked about. The Righteous Indignation hangs outside the pulse-laser field, Jenny at the controls and Bruiser behind her. JENNY They don't have a chance! Blinky is at the plasma cannon in place of Deadeye. BLINKY Blinky suggest reversing polarity on plasma cannon. Magnetically remove Toad Croaker from laser field. He fires, and the magnetic beam shoots into the field, zig-zags between the lasers, and finally latches onto the Croaker. BLINKY Magnetic coupling complete! JENNY Bring 'em home, Blinky! The magnetic beam retracts, pulling the Toad Croaker out of the laser lattice and back to the Righteous Indignation. SCENE 5 - Willy DuWitt enters his bedroom, carrying a stack of science books. WILLY (to himself) What's wrong with wanting to know how things work? Just because science is my life doesn't mean I don't care about living breathing organisms. After all, I am one. He sets the books down on his desk. The memory stone, sitting on the table, glows, displaying Jenny's image. JENNY'S VOICE Willy DuWitt, where are you? We need you aboard the Righteous Indignation! Please, activate your photon accelerator. Hurry! Ours is already turned on. WILLY Jenny! JENNY'S VOICE Willy, link up with us right, please! We need your help to save the koalas! Willy grabs a toolbox from the floor, then activates his photon accelerator. WILLY Koalas? He steps through his open closet door and into the engine room of the Righteous Indignation. He is greeted by Bucky, Deadeye, Blinky and Bruiser, who all look very solemn. WILLY Hi guys, what's up? BUCKY Not up, Willy, down. We can't reach the surface of Rigel 5. BRUISER It's them toads! They put up some kinda electronic roadblock! SCENE 6 - Sometime later. The Righteous Indignation circles Rigel 5, keeping its distance. Inside, everyone stands around Willy who is sitting on the floor, surrounded by books and papers. WILLY Well, after carefully reviewing the data on the Rigel 5 defense shield... Bruiser, eager, leans in. BRUISER Yeah? Yeah? WILLY I couldn't find a... clue. Blinky points out one of the windows of the gunner's station. BLINKY Double Bubble approaching Rigel 5. The others walk over as the toad ship proceeds, untouched, through the atmosphere of the planet. BRUISER Hey! How come? How them toads got through? Their ship's made of metal just like ours! Willy snaps his fingers. WILLY I've got it! The difference is they're coldblooded and we're not. The defense mechanism is programmed to keep out mammals! Bucky looks horrified. BUCKY That means we can't get through to rescue the koalas! WILLY You're right, we can't. But Blinky can. Blinky turns, blinking. SCENE 7 - A toad supply ship is approaching Rigel 5. The Righteous Indignation moves up behind it. JENNY Toad supply ship, three o'clock. As the Righteous Indignation lines up with the other ship, the platform that lowers the Toad Croaker drops down on the right side of the ship. Bruiser, wearing a spacesuit equipped with a jetpack, steps out carrying a small crate of some kind. BUCKY Good luck, big guy! Bruiser jettisons off the platform and moves underneath the toad ship and finds a hatch. BRUISER Bingo! Found the supply hatch! Opening the hatch, he peers inside and sees stacks of crates and boxes. He places his crate alongside the others. BRUISER Don't do nothin' I wouldn't do, Blinky! The toad ship continues unhindered down to the surface of the planet. Cut to it on the landing platform of the Club Toad supply depot. Koalas unload the crates from the ship as Storm Toads sit around and supervise them. STORM TOAD #1 Move it, move it! STORM TOAD #2 Yeah, you'd think this stuff was fragile! Inside, Frax opens up a random crate and peers inside to find several chocolate-covered lumps. FRAX I love chocolate-covered grasshoppers! He takes out and slurps it up with his tongue. Nearby, Frix is already digging through another opened crate containing something white and slimy. FRIX Yeah, but jellied mosquitoes are better! He puts a dripping handful onto his tongue and slurps it up. Licking his lips, Frax opens another crate (the one Bruiser smuggled onto the ship), and frowns as he looks in. FRAX What's this? The contents appear to be random junk connected by segmented grey tubing. Frix comes over and looks in. FRIX Eh, probably just some new part for Toadborg. Frax eats another grasshopper and belches loudly. FRAX I'm full. Let's scram. They walk out. Suddenly Blinky's head peers up from inside the crate and watches them go. His body quickly reforms from all the jumbled bits and pieces, and he hops out. On the Righteous Indignation, the others wait anxiously. BRUISER Sure hope my little buddy's okay. BUCKY (reassuring) Don't worry, Bruiser, he can take care of himself. If anybody can shut down that defense shield, it's Blinky. Cut to Blinky inside the main computer room of the Club Toad communications center, working feverishly at a bank of computers covered with blinking lights. Suddenly a shadow falls over him and a huge, green metal hand grabs him and lifts him off his feet. TOADBORG Welcome to Rigel 5, Android First Class. BLINKY (surprised) Toadborg! TOADBORG Ah, can this be the famous Blinky we've heard so much about? BLINKY Mmmmmm.... could be! SCENE 8 - Blinky is lying on an examination table in a laboratory of some kind. Straps across his body hold him firmly in place, and a large helmet is attached to his head, with cables leading to a big computer. Toadborg, the Air Marshall, Frix, Frax and Al Negator all stand around him. AL (chuckles) Where I come from, spies don't live long enough to tell why they're spyin'. The Air Marshall leans in menacingly. AIR MARSHALL I say we soak the little screwhead in water and let him rust! TOADBORG Fortunately, I possess a superior solution. He pulls down a big lever near him, activating some electrodes, bluish energy crackling over the machine. Blinky convulses and yowls in pain as the electrical current surges through him, his head spinning wildly around and around on top of his neck. SCENE 9 - Later, Blinky is still strapped down to the table, but the helmet and accompanying cables have been removed. Smoke rises from him and his eye is closed. Frix and Frax stand nearby, eyes glued to a television set as a Miss Toad TV beauty contest is being held. There are five toad babes in skimpy swimsuits, and an MC in a tuxedo. FRIX I tell ya, I like Miss Lilypad. Look at those warts! Gorgeous! FRAX Not as gorgeous as Miss Croakerville! Blinky's eye blinks open, and he lifts his head, looking over at them. Seeing his chance to escape, his hand manages to work free from one of the straps and he begins unbuckling himself. On the TV, the MC now has an envelope in his hand. MC (on TV) And now, the moment you've all been waiting for! The crowning of this year's Miss Toad TV! Ready, girls? Drumroll, please! There is a drumroll as he opens the envelope. FRAX Aw, come on, come on! Get on with it! Blinky finishes unstrapping himself. The MC pulls a card from inside the envelope, as the various contestants begin fighting with one another. MC (on TV) The winner of this year's contest, and the new Miss Toad TV is... He trails off as the contestants stop fighting and turn to him expectantly. Blinky hops off the table, metal feet clanking loudly on the floor. Frix and Frax turn, see him, and chase him from the room as the drumroll continues. FRIX He's gettin' away! FRAX Come on! They chase Blinky down the hall, but stop as they hear the drumroll end, looking back at the lab. Blinky continues running. FRAX Who won? FRIX I dunno, but if we don't catch that android, we lose! Sound the alarm! Frax hits a button on the wall. Lights flash and alarms ring. Blinky rounds a corner into a large corridor, stops, tries to decide which way to go. He spots a doorway further down the hall and then runs through it and winds up outside, his escape blocked by the Air Marshall and three other toads (identified in the script as "Toad Officers" even though they appear to be Storm Toads). AIR MARSHALL No one escapes Toad Air Marshall! Blinky backs up and emits a holographic projection from his eye: Bruiser! The four toads react about the way you'd expect, with sheer terror. TOAD OFFICER Crawlin' Cockroach! The Bruiser hologram licks his lips as the toads cower and shake. BRUISER HOLOGRAM Mmmm, toad buffet! My favorite! The three other toads scream and run away. "Bruiser" bellows menacingly at the Air Marshall. BRUISER HOLOGRAM Aaaay-Ooooga! The Air Marshall holds up his hands, sweating nervously. AIR MARSHALL Wait! Let's make a deal! He pats himself down, removing a red star-shaped medal and holding it out. AIR MARSHALL Take this! It's one of my favorites! Blinky, now hiding behind one of the eucalyptus-like trees, shuts off the projection. "Bruiser" disappears just as the Air Marshall is about to pin the medal on him! The Air Marshall reacts, startled, dropping it. AIR MARSHALL I've been had! He's a hologram! Blinky hurries away, unseen, going over to a large scummy pond where several Double Bubbles are floating, their cockpits open. He rushes up and climbs into one of them, closing the cockpit bubble and trying to get it started. Suddenly a maser blast bounces off the bubble, and his head turns around backwards to see four Storm Toads approaching. They wade into the water, firing at him. He finally manages to get the fighter starts and takes off! The four toads get into two Double Bubbles of their own. Two more join them and all three ships take off after Blinky. He leaves Rigel 5 with the three in pursuit. The Righteous Indignation flies through space nearby, Bucky and Jenny at the controls, Willy, Bruiser and Deadeye standing behind them. Jenny watches as four blips appear on the radar screen in front of her. JENNY Four Double Bubbles closing fast! BUCKY Deadeye, man the maser! We're under attack! DEADEYE (laughs) It's four to one! I like them odds! Jenny, looking through some sort of telescope, sees Blinky clearly in the lead Double Bubble. JENNY Wait, don't shoot! The one being chased is Blinky! BUCKY Hold your fire, Deadeye! Deadeye is at the main gun, but holds. BUCKY Jenny, open the launching platform! Jenny pushes a button. The launching platform, with the Toad Croaker, opens in the side of the Righteous Indignation. JENNY Platform opened! Blinky flies towards the Righteous, the toad piloted Double Bubbles right behind him. One fires and hits the cockpit, shattering the bubble, but because Blinky is a robot he is unaffected by the lose of air and sudden exposure to open space. He leaps out just as a second shot hits and completely destroys the now-empty Bubble. He "falls," flailing, towards the Righteous and lands in the Toad Croaker. BUCKY Okay, now! Let 'em have both barrels, Deadeye! DEADEYE (laughs) Masticate some maser, ya bilge-suckin' toads! He unleashes a barrage of maser-fire upon the pursuing trio of Double Bubbles as they fly at the ship (but oddly do not return fire). The first two are hit instantly, pilots ejecting in their escape pods. The third Bubble lasts a little longer, but ultimately meets the same fate as the other two. Deadeye hits, and blows off, its right wing, then destroys the entire ship. Blinky actually waves at the ejected Storm Toads as they fly past in their bubbles, and then the launch pad closes with him inside. Back down on Rigel 5, in the Club Toad recreation room, the Toad Air Marshall, Toadborg, Al Negator, Frix, Frax and several other toads all stand before a large viewscreen mounted on the wall. The Air Marshall looks nervously at Toadborg. AIR MARSHALL (meekly) ...he escaped? TOADBORG Why, you fool. He just thinks he escaped. I made sure he got away. Frix and Frax step forward angrily. FRAX Ya didn't tell us! FRIX Yeah, we were guardin' 'im real good! Toadborg leans in to them and they back away. TOADBORG With *EXACTLY* the competence I expected from you. He chuckles darkly. Back aboard the Righteous Indignation, Blinky receives a warm welcome from the crew. BUCKY You had us all worried, Blinky. But you showed those toads a thing or two. He pats Blinky on the shoulder. BLINKY Actually four or five! Bruiser grabs the little android in a crushing, affectionate hug. BRUISER Glad to have ya back, little buddy! JENNY Blinky, did you deactivate the defense shield? Blinky cocks his head. BLINKY Defense shield deactivated...? Bucky, looking suspicious, strokes his chin thoughtfully. Deadeye steps forward, twirling a maser pistol. DEADEYE All right, then, let's croak some toads! The ship banks towards Rigel 5. Back in the recreation center, Frax points up at the mammal ship on the screen. FRAX Look! Those mildewed mammals are comin' back! AIR MARSHALL I'll activate the defense shield! TOADBORG No! Everyone looks at Toadborg, puzzled. He steeples his fingers. TOADBORG That will not be necessary. The Righteous Indignation nears Rigel 5. BUCKY Gotta hand it to Blinky. Without that defense shield, it's smooth sailin'. Down in engineering, Blinky walks over to the machinery that operates the ship. He stares into the various circuits and wires. TOADBORG'S VOICE Humble robot must now do as programmed. His right hand reaches in. He pauses and shudders, then his left hand quickly grabs the right and pulls it back. He shakes his head. BLINKY No. Cannot do that. TOADBORG'S VOICE Imperative! The right hand shoots back into the mechanism. The left hand pulls at the right. BLINKY Negative! TOADBORG'S VOICE MUST DO AS PROGRAMMED!!! BLINKY MUST NOT!!! TOADBORG'S VOICE *MUST!!!* Blinky struggles with himself, smoke pouring out of his head suddenly. Finally, his right hand wins and grabs some wires and rips them out, causing sparks to fly. Blinky's chestplate pops off and goes flying, and then he falls down face-first onto the floor as alarms begin going off throughout the ship. The Righteous suddenly begins spinning wildly and finally winds up upside-down. Bucky and Jenny are held in their seats, upside-down, by their seatbelts. Willy falls "up" to the ceiling. JENNY What's happening? BUCKY Directional stabilizer's malfunctioned! The ship spins a few more times, headed for Rigel 5's sun, before finally righting itself. Willy appears behind them, glasses askew, and looks out the windshield, eyes wide. The light from the sun reflects off the windshield. WILLY We're heading straight for the sun! The Air Marshall, Al, Frix and Frax all cheer as they watch the Righteous Indignation tumbling out of control, aiming directly for the sun, up on the big screen. They all stop and turn to Toadborg. TOADBORG Yes, I reprogrammed that android to sabotage his own ship. Now, without Bucky O'Hare to stop us, the Aniverse will be ours! He bangs his hands together. The Righteous is moving dangerously close to the flaming sun. Deadeye looks on fearfully from the turret. On the bridge, the red glow envelopes the others. WILLY The computer's out of sync! Bruiser suddenly enters, carrying Blinky. The little android's eye is closed, and he is still clutching the wires he tore from the terminal. BRUISER Somethin's happened to Blinky! I found 'im smacked off his gyroscope! Willy removes the wires from his hand and holds them up for the others to see. WILLY The hyperdrive relay! That's why we're out of control! BUCKY Why would Blinky sabotage us? Sparks shoot from Blinky's open chest. Using a pair of tweezers, Willy digs a computer chip from inside Blinky's chest and looks at it. It bears the death's head symbol of the Toad Empire. WILLY This is a toad chip! Blinky's been reprogrammed! BUCKY Willy, can you repair the hyperdrive relay before we hit the sun...? WILLY Gotta fix Blinky first. If I can. He examines the android. Sweat begins rolling off of Bruiser's face. BRUISER (worried) Yeah, well, you better hurry! It's gettin' awful hot in here! The toads watch, cheering, as the Righteous appears to vanish into the sun. There is a huge explosion! Komplex suddenly appears on the screen and the cheers die down as everyone gives him their undivided attention. KOMPLEX Toadborg, return to the mothership immediately. With Bucky O'Hare extinguished, plans for the final mammal invasion can be activated. The screen goes blank. Al Negator turns to the Air Marshall and taps him on the shoulder. AL Okay, Mr. Air Marshall, what about my twenty-thousand simoleans for the defense shield? AIR MARSHALL Defense shield? Why do we need your defense shield? We've destroyed Bucky O'Hare! SCENE 10 The Toad Croaker lands near the Double Bubbles outside of Club Toad, amazingly with Blinky on it. He gets off and walks away. In the spa area of the club, the Air Marshall is sitting in a chair and getting his warts buffed (as one would buff shoes) by a koala slave. Al Negator walks up to them, tail lashing angrily. AL Uh, look old buddy, I wanna be paid. And now! AIR MARSHALL Sorry, Al. The technology's obsolete! I'm afraid you're out of touch with the-- Al, working his way behind the Air Marshall, stuffs a little black and yellow thing down the back of his suit. AIR MARSHALL What was that? He jumps out of the chair, reaching behind himself and trying to dig whatever-it-is out of his suit. Al whips out a little remote control, laughing. AL A surprise! It's a killer bee bomb! And if I don't get paid now, you'll have a bee-sting for every wart on your body! His thumb hovers threateningly over the button on the remote. Terrified, the koala slave turns and runs away. Suddenly Blinky comes walking up to them! The Air Marshall is shocked. AIR MARSHALL How--How could--What are *YOU* doing here? Blinky salutes. BLINKY A.F.C. Blinky reporting for duty. Humble robot escape before crash into sun. Ready for new assignment. AL (laughs) He's still reprogrammed. Thinks he's on your side. The Air Marshall, still trying to dig the bee bomb out of his clothes, waves dismissively at Blinky. AIR MARSHALL I--I don't have time for you right now! G-Go relax for a while. He pats Blinky on the head. AIR MARSHALL You took care of Bucky O'Hare, we'll take care of you! BLINKY A.F.C. Blinky at your service! He turns and trundles off. The Air Marshall, forcing a smile, turns back to Al, who holds the remote up. AL My simoleans, Air Marshall? Meanwhile, Blinky returns to the computer room in the communications center and goes straight to the bank of machines marked "Defense Shield." He turns his right hand into a kind of plug, which he then sticks into a handy outlet in front of him. Cut to space. The Righteous Indignation flies out from behind the large asteroid it had been hiding behind. Everyone is alive and well and on the bridge. BLINKY (through the radio) A.F.C. Blinky to Captain Bucky O'Hare. Do you read me? BUCKY Loud and clear, Blinky. Go ahead. BLINKY (through the radio) Mammal defense shield inoperable. All clear to proceed with liberation of koalas. BUCKY Well done, Blinky! He turns to the others. BUCKY They bought it! Jenny places her hand on Willy's shoulder. JENNY Thanks to Willy helping Blinky, they fixed the hyperdrive in record time! DEADEYE And scuttlin' that spare fuel tank into the sun! That gave us a genuine three-alarm fireball! Yeah! ALL Let's croak toads! In the computer room, a hand suddenly clamps down onto Blinky's shoulder, and, startled, he turns to discover it is only Quentin the Koala, smiling. QUENTIN It's me. Quentin. SCENE 11 - The Righteous Indignation lands amongst a large cluster of the eucalyptus-like trees which provide cover, and everyone climbs out, weapons drawn. JENNY My psychic intuition tells me those slimy toads are so busy having fun, they don't even know we're here. Deadeye hops up and down impatiently. DEADEYE Then let's stop jawin' and croak those web-footed wart-buckets! BUCKY Not so fast, Deadeye. There's only a handful of us, and a fistful of them. We need a plan. Blinky and Quentin emerge from the trees. QUENTIN I have one! SCENE 12 - Cut to the television studio. Bruiser stands in front of the camera, getting his cheeks powdered by Bucky, Quentin behind the camera. Nearby, Deadeye and Jenny are guarding the studio personnel - Roona, the MC, the Miss Toad TV beauty contestants, and the TV crew - on the Miss Toad TV stage. DEADEYE Anyone moves, you're toad pudding. Bruiser clears his throat, rehearsing. BRUISER This is Bruiser, uh, the Betelgeusian Berserker Baboon... Bucky gets behind the camera, looks over at Willy, who is holding a microphone. BUCKY How much longer, Willy? WILLY Ten seconds, Bucky! Bruiser, shifting nervously, continues clearing his throat as Quentin holds a "clacker" between him and the camera. WILLY 4, 3, 2, 1! You're on the air bruiser! Quentin slams the clacker and then moves out of the way. BRUISER Duh, um, uh... Bruiser's face appears on a television screen in the recreation room. BRUISER (on TV) This is B-Bruiser. Yeah, Bruiser! Bruiser! The Betelgeusian Berserker Baboon speakin'! Now listen up, all you toads out there! Bruiser is slowly regaining his usual bravado and overcoming his stage- fright, talking louder and louder with ever-growing intensity. Some Storm Toads shooting pool stop what they're doing and look up at the screen. Out on the golf course, a trio of toad golfers also hear Bruiser and turn and see him on a TV screen mounted on a tall pole nearby. TOAD GOLFER It's a Berserker Baboon! They all scream. BRUISER (on TV) I'm unstoppable! Unbeatable! And *UNCONTROLLABLE!* He growls. The golfers take off running, leaving their clubs spinning in the air. BRUISER (on TV) Aaaaa-Yoooogaaa!!! The toads playing pool in the recreation room run away in a frenzy of scattered balls and pool-cues! Back in the spa area, Al, wearing a one-piece bathing suit, is reclining in a mud-bath jacuzzi, tail waving back and forth. There's a stack of coins (simoleans) on his stomach, and he picks up the top few and then lets them clink on by one back down onto the stack. AL Yeeeeaaaah, I like toads. 'Specially toads what pay their debts. The Air Marshall stands beside the jacuzzi, frowning and holding the killer bee bomb, examining it. BRUISER (on TV) And, I want every toad offa this planet NOW!!! They stop, blinking. AIR MARSHALL Who said that? Bruiser is now on the multiple screens around the spa. Toad officers in bathrobes stand around the swimming pool staring up at him in terror. BRUISER (on TV) Else, I pay each and every one of youse bug-eyed, bald-headed banjos a visit... PERSONALLY!!! The toads freak, turn and run away, headed right for the Air Marshall, who stands there waving his arms frantically. AIR MARSHALL Wait! Stop running away! It's a trick! He's not real! He's a hologram! They don't listen and stampede over him, knocking him to the ground, and continue running. The Air Marshall hoists himself up onto the side of the jacuzzi and looks pleadingly at Al who is still relaxing in the mud, arms behind his head. AIR MARSHALL Come on, Al, I need your help! AL For a friend? Sure! For another six-hundred simoleans. In the studio, Bruiser continues ranting in front of the camera. BRUISER Why, any toads I see are gonna get pulpated, croakated and mashpotated! The Air Marshall and Al, joined by Frix and Frax, sneak up to the studio entrance and look inside, where they can see Deadeye and Jenny holding the studio personnel at gunpoint. All four of them are armed. Al's eyes widen in disbelief. AL It's those mangy mammals! FRAX That's impossible! Suddenly the Air Marshall drops his pistol! It clanks noisily to the floor and he covers his mouth. Hearing the noise, everyone turns to the doorway. DEADEYE Toads! Deadeye fires at them, hitting the doorframe. The Air Marshall, abandoning his gun, charges inside, followed by Al, Frix and Frax, and all four of them dive for cover behind some equipment. Frix and Frax pop up. FRIX I didn't know holograms could shoot! Maser fire flies over their heads and they duck. Frix returns fire, hitting an arc light which comes loose and falls, landing behind Bruiser, smashing through the floor. Bruiser falls over into it, backwards! Roona, the MC, beauty contestants, and TV crew all hurriedly run from the studio and escape as masers fly through the air. The Air Marshall, who now suddenly has his gun again, fires at Bucky, hitting the TV camera beside him. The camera explodes, sending Bucky flying through the air. He lands in the Miss Toad TV throne up onstage! Al aims at Willy and Blinky, and fires, but they duck. Deadeye hides behind a potted plant and shoots at Frix and Frax. They emerge from cover briefly to return fire, but quickly hide again as blasts rip up the walls and equipment around them. Willy grabs Blinky and carries him across the studio to the others in front of the beauty contest stage, dodging maser blasts. AIR MARSHALL We got 'em now! He aims upwards and shoots off four shots that disintegrate the wooden catwalks up by the ceiling. The splintered wooden beams rain down on the mammals, sticking into the floor and forming an impromptu cage of sorts around Bucky, Jenny, Deadeye, Willy and Blinky (Quentin, for his part, seems to have vanished). Laughing, the Air Marshall walks over with Al, Frix and Frax. AIR MARSHALL This time, Bucky O'Hare, I'll make you fry! All of a sudden, Bruiser appears behind him, larger than life! BRUISER AAAAAY-OOOGA!!! The Air Marshall's eyes go wide and his mouth turns into a tiny little 'O' of surprise, and he drops his gun. He spins around, as do Al, Frix and Frax. Frix, terrified, points. FRIX It's the Berserker Baboon! The Air Marshall begins laughing and walks up to Bruiser, totally fearless. AIR MARSHALL There *IS* no baboon, I tell you! It's one of Blinky's tricks! He can't fool me twice! This ugly numbskull anthropoid is nothing more than a hologram! It simply doesn't exist! He reaches up and grabs Bruiser's nose, and his eyes widen. He pulls some hair out and looks at it, realization slowly dawning on him as Bruiser growls. He lifts the short toad up. BRUISER Whaddaya mean, I ain't real? He suddenly squishes the Air Marshall into a little ball and punts him like a football! The Air Marshall sails across the studio, crashing into Frix and Frax who are already running for the exit and knocking them down, then bounces through the door and down the hall! Frix and Frax get up and run out after him, followed closely by Al Negator. Outside, panicking toads are climbing into every available Double Bubble and escaping! Al Negator charges through the brush and leaps on top of the ship occupied by the Air Marshall, and begins banging on the bubble. AL You can't leave me here! You owe me six-hundred simoleans! AIR MARSHALL Sue me! AL Pay me! AIR MARSHALL SUE ME! AL PAY ME!!! The Double Bubble turns and blasts off with Al still clinging to the top! Al and the Air Marshall continue bickering as they fade off into the distance. Bucky, Willy, Jenny, Deadeye, Bruiser and Blinky and Quentin and some other koalas walk up to the edge of the lake and watch the toad ship disappear. Bruiser holds up his fists and howls triumphantly, a la King Kong. BRUISER AAAAAY-OOOOOGAAA!!!! DEADEYE (laughs) We did it, Bucky me boy! We made those mutinous mudpacks walk the plank! Smiling, Bucky turns to the gathered koalas. BUCKY Quentin, you and your friends are finally free. QUENTIN But what if the toads come back? WILLY I'll make sure they don't. I can reprogram the mammal defense shield, to keep toads out this time. JENNY Great idea, Willy. The koalas all jump up and down excitedly, cheering. KOALAS Hooray! SCENE 13 - Willy is back at the zoo again with Susie, eating peanuts as they stand at the railing of the koala compound, watching a koala playing in the tree. SUSIE Maybe someday you'll do your part to keep animals safe from the greed of mankind. WILLY What about... toadkind? She gives him a look. SUSIE Oh, Willy, sometimes you're so silly. She walks off. Willy tosses a peanut up in the air and catches it in his mouth. WILLY Yep, and sometimes I'm not. He winks, then hurries to catch up to her. THE END