ON THE BLINK - Written by George Arthur Bloom SCENE 1 - Willy is walking around an Earth zoo with his "friend" Susie. WILLY (voiceover) And birds can fly because the pressure of the air on top of their wings is less than the pressure below SUSIE Let's go look at the hummingbirds WILLY Hummingbirds are scientific marvels! Not only do they flap their wings seventy times a second, they're the only birds that can fly backward! The hummingbirds, which have been nosing around in flowers, fly away. Willy and Susie both turn and watch them. WILLY Don't you think that's fantastic? Susie walks away. Willy quickly follows. SUSIE You and your aeromechanics... you make me so angry, WIlly DuWitt! WILLY Aerodynamics. Why? Susie stops and turns on him, prodding him in the chest. SUSIE Because everything's a science project to you WILLY (fiddling with his glasses) Well, it's important to understand how things work! SUSIE It's important to know how things feel too, Willy. Like those koalas. She points up at some koalas sitting in a tree, eating its leaves. SUSIE They were almost extinct because people didn't care! SCENE 2 - In the aniverse, a koala in ablue shirt is speaking into a large microphone. KOALA Quentin Koala on Rigel 5, calling Bucky O'Hare. Come in Bucky, wherever you are. The Righteous flies across space. Bucky and Jenny are up in the main bay. BUCKY Rigel 5! That's where the koalas live. QUENTIN (on comms) It's an emergency! The toads have taken over our planet, enslaved our people and turned our home into a resort for... toads! Bucky and Jenny look shocked. On Rigel 5, Frix and Frax have just spotted Quentin in a tree FRIX I've found him! They start shaking the tree. Quentin hangs on tightly QUENTIN Mayday! Koalas in trouble! Bucky - help us! Finally he falls down. Jenny hits the comm and turns to Bucky. JENNY I've lost contact! BUCKY - Change course to Rigel 5 BRUISER Yeah, and move it. I wanna croak some toads! BUCKY (turning round) Easy Bruiser. We better run a recon first. SCENE 3 - On Rigel 5, at Club Toad, lots of toads are relaxing, while koalas fetch and carry for them. On a big TV screen is a toad punk band SINGER - Just sport a wart! It's quite an honour! The sort of wart a girl would love to have upon her! And if you're short, don't let that upset you. Just think of all the girls a horde of warts can get you. A toad with no warts is like a bug on a log, 'cos a smoothy-skinned toad is just a frog, oh yeah! In a long room, lots of toads are lying down, each with a TV screen in front of it, while koalas massage them. With several koalas carrying bags of clubs, the Air Marshall and Al Negator are playing golf. AL So, Air Marshall, when do I get my twenty thousand simoleans for setting up the mammal defence shield? AIR MARSHALL Come on, Al Negator, we don't even know if it works yet! AL Well, while we're waiting, five thousand simoleans says you don't make that putt. AIR MARSHALL I could make it blindfolded! Kiss your simoleans goodbye, Sleazo. The Air Marshall lines up his club and is just about to hit the ball when Frix and Frax come running up. FRIX Air Marshall! The Air Marshall hits the ball. It flies up and away, splashing down in muddy pool. FRIX We found the missing koala! The Air Marshall hits Frix's feet. He grabs his foot, hopping in pain. AIR MARSHALL And I just lost five thousand simoleans, you wart-bags! SCENE 4 - In the Toad Croaker, Bucky and Deadeye are hovering over Rigel 5. BUCKY It's awful quiet out here, Deadeye. If the toads have taken over Rigel 5, why aren't there any toad patrols? DEADEYE Never trust the silence, matey. As Bucky pilots the Croaker further down towards the planet, a network of electric green energy appears, stopping the Croaker from passing. BUCKY Jumping jack rabbits! SCENE 5 - On Rigel 5, inside a building that looks like a huge live-in TV mast, Al and the Air Marshall are sitting in an abandoned bar, watching TV. A female toad with curly brown hair is on there, holding a phone to her ear. The walls are decorated with silhouettes of mammals with large black targets over them. FEMALE TOAD Hi all you toads out there. The Toad Love Lines are open, just for you! And a special hello for Big Al Negator. If you're out there, Al, gimme a chinkle, ok? Al shoves at the Air Marshall. AL Where's the phone, gimme the phone! The Air Marshall hands Al a scaly grey phone. AIR MARSHALL Whatever you want Al, my swamp is your swamp Al picks up the phone and is just about to speak when Toadborg appears on the screen. TOADBORG This is Toadborg speaking. We interrupt your local programming for a brief display of our new mammal-proof defence shield in operation. The screen shows Bucky and Deadeye, in the croaker, trying to get through the network of green energy. Al and the Air Marshall both grin and a load of stormtoads who have appeared behind them start cheering. In the croaker, Bucky is still straining to break through. BUCKY I can't crack the barrier! In the Righteous, Jenny watches this in mild horror. JENNY They don't have a chance! BLINKY Blinky suggest reversing polarity of plasma cannon. Magnetically remove Toad Croaker from laser field. He sends a few bursts from the cannon. It bounces around the net before surrounding the croaker. BLINKY Magnetic coupling complete! JENNY Bring them home, Blinky. The Croaker is pulled back along the trail of plasma, to the Righteous on the edge of the net. SCENE 6 - Willy pushes open the door to his room. It's a mess of books and boxes and Willy is carrying another stack of books in his arms. WILLY What's wrong with wanting to know how things work? Just because science is my life doesn't mean I don't care about living, breathing organisms. After all, I am one! He hears Jenny's voice, and looks over at his memory stone, which shows her face and is flashing. JENNY Willy DuWitt, we need you aboard the Righteous Indignation. Please, activate your photon accelerator. Ours is already turned on. WILLY Jenny! JENNY Willy, link up with us right away, please. We need your help to save the koalas. Willy goes over to his photon accelerator and switches it on. WILLY Koalas?! He walks out of his room, into the Righteous Indignation, where the entire crew is waiting for him. WILLY Hi guys. What's up? BUCKY (looking very serious) Not up, Willy. Down. We can't reach the surface of Rigel 5. BRUISER It's dem toads. Dey put up some kind of electronic roadblock. The Righteous flies over the planet. Willy kneels on the floor, consulting books. WILLY Well, after carefully reviewing the data on the Rigel 5 Defence Shield... He pauses and Bruiser leans closer in. BRUISER Yeah? Yeah? WILLY I couldn't find a .. clue. Blinky points out of the cannon bay window. BLINKY Double bubble approaching Rigel 5. The double bubble easily gets through to the planet's surface. The others gather behind Blinky to watch. BRUISER Hey! How come? How come dose toads got through? Their ship's made out of metal, just like ours! Willy snaps his fingers. WILLY I've got it! The difference is, they're cold-blooded and we're not! The defence mechanism is programmed to keep out mammals! BUCKY That means we can't get through to rescue the koalas. WILLY You're right, we can't. Blinky turns to face them all. WILLY But Blinky can. SCENE 7 - A huge toad ship flies across the planet. JENNY (voiceover Toad supply ship, three o'clock. The hatch on the Righteous opens. Bruiser stands there, dressed in a spacesuit and carrying a wooden crate. BUCKY (voiceover) Good luck, big guy! Bruiser activates the rockets and flies to the toad supply ship. He finds the hatch underneath. BRUISER Bingo! I've found the supply hatch. He opens it to put his crate inside. BRUISER Don't do nothin' I wouldn't do, Blinky. SCENE 8 - The supply ships lands on the surface of Rigel 5. With lots of toad guards, the koalas unpack it all. TOAD 1 Move it, move it! TOAD 2 Yeah, you'd think this stuff was fragile! Frix opens the lid of one of the boxes in a storage room. FRIX I love chocolate covered grass-hoppers! FRAX Yeah, but jelly mosquitos are better! Licking their lips, they open another crate, to find it full of metal. FRIX What's this? FRAX Aw, probably jsut some new part for Toadborg. Frix flicks another chocolate grass-hopper into his mouth. FRIX I'm full. Let's scram. As soon as they're gone, Blinky's eye pops out of the crate and his whole body puts itself back together. He jumps out of the crate, his feet clattering on the floor. The Righteous watches Rigel 5 from behind an asteroid. BRUISER Sure hope my little buddy's ok BUCKY Don't worry, Bruiser. He can take care of himself. If anyone can shut down that defence shield, it's Blinky. Sure enough, in the TV mast building, Blinky is typing quickly at a large machine, labelled "Defense Shield" He is suddenly picked up in enormous green claws. TOADBORG Welcome to Rigel 5, Android First Class BLINKY Toad-borg... TOADBORG (bringing Blinky closer to his visual sensors) Ah, can this be the famous Blinky we've heard so much about? BLINKY Mm, could be. SCENE 9 - Blinky is strapped down, a metal helmet over his eye, with several wires attached and surrounded by Toadborg, Al Negator, the Air Marshall and Frix and Frax. AL (laughs) Where I come from, spies don't live long enough to tell why they're spying. AIR MARSHALL I say we shove the little screwhead in water and let him rust! TOADBORG Fortunately, I possess a superior solution. He pulls down a lever. The entire device crackles with electricity, going into Blinky through the helmet. He screams and his eye begins to spin round and round. SCENE 10 - Obviously some time later, Blinky lies with his eye closed. Smoke comes off him. His only guards are Frix and Frax, watching Toad TV. FRAX I tell you, I like Miss Lillypad! Look at those warts! Gorgeous! FRIX Not as gorgeous as Miss Croakerville! Seeing their distraction, Blinky unbuckles the straps holding him down. On the TV screen are five squirming toad beauty queens and a squat little presenter. PRESENTER And now the moment you've all been waiting for - the crowning of this year's Miss Toad TV! Ready girls? Drumroll please! Frax watches with his tongue hanging out. They both wave their arms about in anticipation. FRIX Come on, get on with it! Blinky sits up. PRESENTER And the winner of this year's contest and the new Miss Toad TV is... Blinky jumps down from the bench. His feet clatter so that even Frix and Frax can't miss the sound. FRIX He's getting away! They jump up too FRAX Come on! They chase Blinky, the drumroll in the background. It stops suddenly and the two toads pause. FRIX Who won? FRAXI don't know! But if we don't catch that android, we lose! Sound the alarm! FRIX prods a large red button on the wall. Immediately, all the others light up, making a noise like sirens. Blinky runs out of the corridor and turns left, into a larger and longer corridor. He runs outside, straight into the Air Marshall and three stormtoads with guns. AIR MARSHALL No one escapes Toad Air Marshall! Blinky steps back and casts a holographic Bruiser in front of him. STORMTOAD 1 Crawling cockroach! "Bruiser" licks his lips. HOLO-BRUISER Toad buffet! My favourite! The stormtoads flee. The Air Marshall steps back, trying to be brave. HOLO-BRUISER Ayooogaa!! AIR MARSHALL (sweating) Wait! Let's make a deal! Take this! It's one of my favourites! He holds out a medal to the hologram. Blinky, hiding behind a tree, switches off the hologram. The Air Marshall drops the medal. AIR MARSHALL I've been had! It's a hologram! Blinky runs to the double bubbles, parked in a sludgy green pool. He splashes through the water to the nearest one, jumps in and closes the bubble. He turns his eye to see four stormtoads advancing on him and shooting. He ducks back down and launches it. The toads launch three more double bubbles after him. SCENE 11- As the Righteous flies across space, Jenny sees some blips on the radar. JENNY Four double bubbles coming fast. BUCKY Deadeye, man the maser. We're under attack. Deadeye laughs. DEADEYE It's four to one! I like them odds! Jenny sees Blinky piloting a double bubble on the console. JENNY Don't shoot! The one being chased is Blinky! Bucky hits the comm. BUCKY Hold your fire Deadeye! Jenny, open the launching platform. Jenny presses a button and the hatch opens. JENNY Platform opened! Being pursued by laser blasts, Blinky flies towards the Righteous. A well-aimed blast takes out his bubble lid. Blinky eyes the remains before abandoning the double bubble, just as the toads destroy his bubble. Blinky spirals towards the Righteous and lands in the croaker. BUCKY (hitting the comm) Ok, now! Let them have both barrels, Deadeye! DEADEYE (laughs) Masticate some maser, ya bilge-suckin' toads! Missing several shots, Deadeye destroys the three other bubbles. Their occupants escape in the pods. Blinky waves from the platform as they float past him. SCENE 12 - Toadborg, Air Marshall and several stormtoads watch the whole thing on a huge screen. The Air Marshall puts his hands together and looks at Toadborg in terror. AIR MARSHALL He escaped! TOADBORG Why, you fool, he just thinks he escaped. I made sure he got away. FRIX You didn't tell us! FRAX Yeah, we were guarding him real good! Toadborg leans over them. TOADBORG With exactly the competence I expected of you. SCENE 13 - On the Righteous, everyone is gathered around Blinky. BUCKY You had us worried for a minute there, but you showed those toads a thing or two. He pats Blinky's shoulder. BLINKY Actually, four or five. Bruiser picks Blinky up and hugs him. BRUISER Glad to have you back, little buddy. JENNY Blinky, did you deactivate the defence shield? BLINKY Defence shield deactivated. Deadeye laughs and Bucky looks thoughtful for a moment DEADEYE Alright! Let's croak some toads! SCENE 14 - The toads are still gathered around the screen. They watch as the Righteous swings around and comes towards Rigel 5. FRIX Look! Those mildewed mammals are coming back! AIR MARSHALL They'll have to break the defence shield! TOADBORG No! That will not be necessary. In the Righteous main bay, Bucky looks out at the approaching planet. BUCKY Gotta hand it to Blinky - without that defence shield, it's smooth sailing. In the engine room, Blinky walks towards the engine and looks at the components. TOADBORG (voiceover) Humble robot will now do as programmed. Blinky's hand reaches out to the electronics. He grabs it with his other hand and pulls it back. BLINKY (trying to resist) No. Can not do that. TOADBORG Imperative! BLINKY (still fighting with rebellious hand) Negative! Smoke comes out of the side of his eye. TOADBORG Must do as programmed! BLINKY Must not! Losing control, he plunges his hand into the circuitry. Sparks and smoke fly out. TOADBORG Must! Holding some wires in his hand, Blinky falls back. His chest panel falls off and he falls on his face. An alarm goes off in the Righteous, which begins spinning round and round. JENNY (upside down) What's happening? BUCKY Directional stabiliser's malfunctioned! The ship goes back up the right way and Willy picks himself up, adjusting his glasses. All three stare out of the front at the very bright star in front of them. WILLY We're heading straight for the sun! The toads cheer as they watch the Righteous Indignation spiral into a star. TOADBORG Yes. I reprogrammed that android to sabotage his own ship! Now without Bucky O'Hare to stop us, the aniverse will be ours! The Righteous spirals closer and clsoer to the star. Deadeye looks apprehensive, Bucky, Jenny and Willy grim. WILLY The computer's out of sync! Bruiser approaches, carrying the powerless Blinky. BRUISER Something's happened to Blinky. I found him smacked off his gyroscope. Willy sees the wires in Blinky's hand still. WILLY The hyperdrive relay! That's why we're out of control. BUCKY Why would Blinky sabotage us? Some sparks come out of the hole in Blinky's back. Willy pokes around with some tongs in there and pulls out a small black object. WILLY This is a toad chip! Blinky's been reprogrammed! BUCKY Willy, can you repair the hyperdrive relay before we hit the sun? WILLY Gotta fix Blinky first. If I can. BRUSER Well, you'd better hurry. It's gettin' awful hot in here. The toads cheer even more as the Righteous disappears into the sun with a large explosion. Komplex replaces it on the screen. KOMPLEX Toadborg, return to the mothership immediately. With Bucky O'Hare extinguished, plans for the final mammal invasion can be activated. Al Negator prods the Air Marshall. AL Ok, Mr Air Marshall. What about my twenty thousand simoleans for the defence shield? AIR MARSHALL Defence shield? Why do we need your defence shield? We've destroyed Bucky O'Hare! SCENE 15 - Blinky lands the croaker on Rigel 5. The Air Marshall is having a massage from a koala when Al Negator approaches. AL Er, look old buddy. I want to be paid. And now. AIR MARSHALL Sorry, Al. The technology's obsolete. I'm afraid you're out of touch with things. Al pops something down the Air Marshall's back. AIR MARSHALL What was that? AL (laughs) A surprise. It's a killer bee bomb. And if I don't get paid now, you'll have a bee-sting for every wart on your body! He holds up a remote control, his thumb over the button. The Air Marshall squirms around, trying to get it out. As he struggles, Blinky approaches and salutes. AIR MARSHALL Whu...What are you doing here?! BLINKY AFC Blinky reporting for duty. Humble robot escaped before crash into sun, ready for new assignment. AL (laughs) He's still reprogrammed. Thinks he's on your side AIR MARSHALL I don't have time for you right now. Go relax for a while. You took care of Bucky O'Hare, we'll take care of you. He rubs Blinky's eye. BLINKY AFC Blinky, at your service. AL My simoleans, Air Marshall? He points the remote control at him. SCENE 16 - Blinky approaches the defence shield machine. He turns one hand into a plug to fit the comms socket. The Righteous flies away from the sun. BLINKY (voiceover) AFC Blinky to Bucky O'Hare. Do you read me? BUCKY Loud and clear, Blinky. Go ahead. BLINKY Mammal defence shield inoperable. All clear to liberate koala bears. BUCKY Well done, Blinky! They bought it! JENNY Thanks to Willy helping Blinky. They fixed the hyperdrive in record time. DEADEYE And scuttling that spare fuel tank into the sun! That gave us a genuine throwable fireball! Yeah! ALL Let's croak toads! Blinky squawks as someone puts a hand on his shoulder again. He turns to see a koala. KOALA It's me. Quentin The Righteous touches down on Rigel 5. JENNY My psychic intuition tells me those slimy toads are so busy having fun, they don't even know we're here. DEADEYE Then let's stop jawing and croak those web-footed wart-buckets. BUCKY Not so fast, Deadeye. There's only a handful of us and a fistful of them. We need a plan. Quentin and Blinky approach. QUENTIN I have one. SCENE 17 - Bucky powders Bruiser's face. DEADEYE Anyone moves, they're toad-put it. He and Jenny are guarding the whole beauty pageant, keeping them on the stage and out of the way. BRUISER (clears his throat) This is Bruiser, uh.. uh, the Betelgeusian... berserker baboon. BUCKY (from behind the camera) How much longer, Willy? WILLY Ten seconds, Bucky! Bruiser clears his throat and fidgets. WILLY Three... two... one... you're on the air Bruiser! Bruiser's confused face appears on the Toad TV screens as the static clears. BRUISER Uh...umm...huh....This is Bruiser....yeah, Bruiser. Bruiser! The Betegeusian Berserker Baboon speaking! Now listen up, all you toads out there! A group of toads stop playing pool and flee in terror, as do a group playing golf. TOAD GOLFER It's a berkserker baboon! BRUISER I'm unstoppable - unbeatable - uncontrollable! Ayoogaa! Toads flee in all directions. SCENE 18 - Al Negator is relaxing in a nice muddy bath, rattling a pile of simoleans while the Air Marshall watches. AL Yeah. I like toads. 'Specially toads what pay their debts. BRUISER And I want every toad off of this planet, now! AIR MARSHALL Who said that? They look up at the screens. BRUISER Otherwise, I pays each one of yous bug-eyed, bald-headed banjos a visit! Personally! As toads flee, the Air Marshall waves his arms, trying to stop them. AIR MARSHALL Stop running away! It's a trick! He's a hologram! The fleeing toads knock the Air Marshall down AIR MARSHALL Come on, Al. I need your help! Al looks at the Air Marshall. AL For a friend? Sure. For another six hundred simoleans. BRUISER Any toads I see are gonna get pulpated, croakated and mash-patataed SCENE 19 - Al, Air Marshall, Frix and Frax creep along to the studio door. AL It's those mangy mammals! FRAX That's impossible. The Air Marshall drops his gun. It clatters loudly to the floor. Deadeye looks round. DEADEYE Toads! He fires at them and they dive quickly into the room and behind equipment. FRIX I didn't know holograms could shoot! He shoots down a heavy light, which crashes to the floor behind Bruiser, who is bounced into the crater it makes. The hostages run free. The Air Marshall blows up the cannon. Bucky, who was crouching behind it, is sent flying through the air. He bounces off the ceiling and lands in an armchair. As everyone is firing, Willy, with Blinky under his arm, runs out from his hiding place. AIR MARSHALL We got 'em now! He fires at a walkway above them. It falls apart and the pieces land to create a fence around the mammals. AIR MARSHALL This time, Bucky O'Hare, I'll make you fry! Bruiser, out of the crater, comes up behind him. BRUISER Ayoogaa! The cold-bloods turn. FRIX It's the berserker baboon. The Air Marshall laughs. AIR MARSHALL There is no baboon, I tell you. It's one of Blinky's tricks. He can't fool me twice. This ugly numbskull anthropoid is nothing more than a hologram. It simply doesn't exi- He goes to put his hand through the hologram and suddenly finds it extremely solid. BRUISER Whaddya mean, I ain't real? He picks up the Air Marshall, squashes him into a ball and kicks him across the studio. The others panic and chase after him, tripping over the "ball" as they run for the door. SCENE 20 - Toads run to double bubbles, evacuating the planet. Al Negator emerges from the bushes and jumps onto the bubble with the Air Marshall in, banging on the pink bubble. AL You can't leave me here! You owe me six hundred simoleans! AIR MARSHALL Sue me. AL Pay me! AIR MASHALL Sue me! AL Pay me! Still yelling at each other, they fly away. The mammals gather on the side of the double bubble launch pool. BRUISER Ayooooooooogaaaaaaa! DEADEYE We did it, Bucky me boy! We made those mutinous mudpacks walk the plank! BUCKY (turning to the koalas) You and your friends are finally free QUENTIN But what if the toads come back? WILLY I'll make sure they don't. I can reprogram the mammal defence shield to keep toads out this time. JENNY Great idea Willy. The koalas celebrate. SCENE 21 - Willy is at the Earth zoo again with Susie, looking at a koala hanging from a tree. SUSIE Maybe some day you'll do your part to keep animals safe from the greed of mankind. WILLY What about toad-kind? SUSIE Oh, Willy. Sometimes you're so silly. Smiling, she walks away. Willy tosses a piece of popcorn into his mouth and winks. WILLY Yup, and sometimes I'm not END