Captain Lanel and The Golden Puma A Supporting Feature for Bucky O' Hare: The Movie By Andrew Norris SCENE ONE The Golden Puma, Canopis III, Year 3226 With the space galleon in dock, the Corsair crew are busy repairing her, while a RACOON ADMIRAL overlooks everything. NARRATOR: In the bleak days of 3226, when Canopis III was soundlessly aching from the Toad Wars, the Corsair Carnards, once pride of the seven galaxies, strained under the yoke of their oppressive superiors within the Canopian Admiralty. THE RACOON ADMIRAL marches past CAPTAIN LANEL, the purple-feathered duck in charge of the ship. LANEL stares icily at the RACOON ADMIRAL when he stops in front of A HARE ADMIRAL nearby, who then walks up to BLACKBEAK. HARE ADMIRAL: (American Accent) That's it, Blackbeak. You're fired. BLACKBEAK looks up in shock. HARE ADMIRAL: You heard me, get out of here. REDJACK: (Whispers to Lanel) Hear that, lass? They're makin' Blackbeak walk the plank! LANEL: (Shrieks) Nobody be breakin' up the Corsairs when I be around! C'mon, laddies! Let's show these flea-bitten snakes what the Carnards are made of! Several other PIRATES join in the revolution with LANEL, REDJACK and BLACKBEAK, all attacking the two ADMIRALS. A third, A PANTHER ADMIRAL, walks by and begins to attack GALUNDA, a large black duck bearing a close resemblance to Deadeye in some ways. PANTHER ADMIRAL: (Chinese Accent) Stop all of this! I'll have you all on a charge within the week! REDJACK comes to the aid of GALUNDA by drawing his maser pistols. With no armament on him, THE PANTHER ADMIRAL immediately surrenders. LANEL: Toss the filthy lubbers in the brig! The PIRATES cheer as the three ADMIRALS are locked in the ships' hold. HARE ADMIRAL: (Roars) Let me out of here! PANTHER ADMIRAL: You won't get away with it! The PIRATES ignore them, and move out onto the Poop-Deck. LANEL: OK, me hearties, let's move! She starts to point to everyone around her. LANEL: Galunda, Privus and Pilare, break open the weapons! Blackbeak, Raucus and Scutella, into the rigging! And Redjack, stand by the helm! REDJACK: (Salutes) Aye aye, Captain! Everyone prepares to set sail. GALUNDA pulls out a large bulky chest along with a blonde-haired female Duck named PILARE and a one-armed Mallard called PRIVUS. Inside the chest are several knives and guns. PRIVUS: (Laughs with a deep voice) Catch, Redjack! He passes REDJACK a cutlass, complete with gold handle, as he makes his way up to the bridge. IN THE RIGGING... BLACKBEAK, along with RAUCUS (A green-feathered Drake) and SCUTELLA (A two-armed female Duck), is cutting the metal sails loose with his maser pistols. LANEL: (From below) OK, that's enough! Weigh the anchor! A large grabber attached to a metal rope is the only thing keeping The Golden Puma from moving. GALUNDA and PILARE switch on the cable drum, pulling in the grabber. Once it is in, the ship begins to rock from turbulence as it begins to launch. LANEL: Full speed ahead, Mr. Redjack! The ship slowly moves off up into space, with her crew cheering and yelling. NARRATOR: And so, The Golden Puma was launched upon the high seas of the cosmos. SCENE TWO Space The Golden Puma is cruising along steadily with REDJACK still at the helm. LANEL is on the bridge while GALUNDA fiddles with a map. LANEL: (Prods map) Come on, boy! Route! Route! PILARE is up in the crows-nest when she spots something. PILARE: (Falsetto) Captain, look! Off the starboard-bow! LANEL looks through her spyglass, and sees an asteroid belt ahead. NARRATOR: There it lay, the prize they sought... LANEL: (To Redjack) Hard to starboard! NARRATOR: (Continued) ...for hidden within one of the many rocks was one of the most-feared pirates in the Aniverse, Johnny Blackfeather. LANEL: Alright, lads! Battle stations! SCUTELLA and BLACKBEAK set up the maser cannons down in the armoury, while PRIVUS prepares a set of grappling hooks attached to strings. PILARE: (Slides down the mast) Look out below! LANEL: Alright, ya dogs, take cover! They all hide in the shadows on the ship, with the exception of REDJACK, who can only crouch down while steering the ship. The Golden Puma then silently sails into the asteroid belt. GALUNDA: (Gulps) Oh, boy. The galleon sails past the rock-strewn landscape, until they see a large brigantine ahead that has docked on one of the larger asteroids. LANEL: (Shouts) Hard to starboard! REDJACK spins the ship around until it is alongside the brigantine. Both GALUNDA and REDJACK gasp at the size of the ship. Soon, the air bubble surrounding The Golden Puma has joined with the brigantine, and action can begin. LANEL: Fire! The cannons open fire on the brigantine, damaging part of the hull. The brigantine begins to counter-attack with its' own cannons, and he battle soon begins. SCENE THREE The Brigantine CAPT. JOHNNY BLACKFEATHER (A black four-armed drake) is overlooking the battle, as several SAILORS begin to attack The Golden Puma. BLACKFEATHER: (Snaps in a gruff voice) Hurry, ye scurvy dogs! We be havin' only a few minutes to bury me loot! LANEL, PRIVUS and GALUNDA board the Brigantine with the aid of the grappling hooks. LANEL: (Pulls out blasters) Ye be havin' no minutes left, Blackfeather! And yer treasure be comin' with us! BLACKFEATHER pulls out his cutlass and snarls. BLACKFEATHER: No Corsair walks the decks o' The Black Reaper and lives! LANEL and BLACKFEATHER begin to fight, as do PRIVUS and GALUNDA with several SAILORS trying to intervene. BLACKFEATHER: (Strains) Don't mind them, ya scallywags! Protect the treasure! Some SAILORS try to hoist the treasure on a dumb-waiter to the crows nest, but BLACKBEAK fires a shot from The Golden Puma, wrecking the block-and-tackle. GALUNDA: Thanks, Blackbeak! He swings himself around the mast on some loose rope left from the explosion and ties some SAILORS together. BLACKFEATHERS: Ye can take my crew, but none of ye are going to take my gold! He stabs LANEL in the right arm, but PRIVUS intervenes and knocks BLACKFEATHER aside before he can kill LANEL. BLACKFEATHER: (Growling) You're gonna regret that, my lad. Before he can strike, REDJACK tosses a knife from the bridge of the Puma, which lands a direct hit in BLACKFEATHERS' chest. He staggers around for a moment, staring icily at LANEL. BLACKFEATHER: This ain't the end, ya filthy sea-dog; I'll be back... He drops dead on the bridge, and the PIRATES on the Puma cheer as GALUNDA and PRIVUS bring the treasure on board. NARRATOR: Enlightened by their initial success, the Corsair Carnards battled on throughout the Aniverse, until... SCENE FOUR Rigel VII The Golden Puma is about to set off after the crew have finished having a victory celebration at the bar. NARRATOR: ...the once-feared pirates of the Aniverse laid slain before them; their ships battered and their pride stripped. The Golden Puma sails past several pirate galleons in orbit that have been "sunk", including The Black Reaper. PIRATES: (Singing) Up, up, up the rigging, Up, up, up the rigging, Sail away, and map out the stars, Sail away, but map out the stars, It's fun to be a space pirate, And sail the big, wide galaxy, To find, explore, The planets offshore, Like Toxus I, II and III, While looting every frigate, And plunder most gleefully, With loot, tax-deductable, We're really quite corruptible, Sailing on the big, wide galaxy! NARRATOR: And so The Golden Puma sailed off into the pages of history. One by one, the cut-throats of the Aniverse trembling before their wake. Thanks to the Corsair Carnards, the Passenger Liners were safe to roam the spaceways once more, and it is all owed to Captain Lanel of the Golden Puma. THE END