"Diary Of A Lonely Spaceman"

by Andrew Norris

Author's note:
Fireball craft are specially designed spaceships of the World Space 
Patrol, set at their HQ at Space City, in the 2060s'. Fireballs are 
400ft long, weigh under 600 tonnes, and are made of a tough metal 
called 'Cahelium', which can withstand great pressures, but not meteor 
showers. The ships contain: A workshop, a Laboratory, a Space Jail, 
Navigation Bay and Crews Quarters. The Main Control Cabin can detach 
itself, and act as a Reconnisance vehicle. Crew can use ejector tubes 
to eject into space, using special Oxygen Pills to help them breathe in 
space. Only 30 ships of the Fireball class were ever made. Today, they 
patrol most of the Universe, with the exception of Fireball XL6, which 
disappeared in 2068.



Space City. 2068. Many wonderful stories have come from the HQ of the 
World Space Patrol, from the XL9  and the Space Spies to the XL14 and 
the Ice Monsters of Zavia. But in this story, comes the most bizarre 
occurence to ever happen to certain person, A down-on-his-luck patrol 
astronaut and pilot of Fireball XL6. I hate to tell you this folks, but 
this poor chap is me.
 
It was a cool autumn afternoon at Space City. Upon the Number 1 landing 
pad, lay the legenday Fireball XL5, the spaceship of Space Hero Steve 
Zodiac. Another ship, my ship, the XL6, lay on the launch rail. When 
compared to the XL5, which shone like a new pin even after a fierce 
battle, Fireball XL6 was mothballed, rusty and also falling to pieces. 
It had been that way since the Space Spies framed me for sabotaging the 
XL13. But today, after 3 demented years, Commander Zero had finally 
called me to the Control Tower. If he had decided to allow me to resume 
space duties, I would've been the happiest man alive.
 
"Good Morning Commander, what pleasant weather we're having." I beamed 
as I exitted the lift. My smile dropped at the sight of an angry snarl 
on Zeros' wrinkled face. It seemed as though I were looking at a 
beetroot with white hair. His watery green eyes stared at me as he 
began his lecture. "Cut the sentimentalities, Andy! You're here cos' 
the World Security Council reckons you're too dangerous to have around 
anymore! From today onwards, you are no longer a member of the World 
Space Patrol. Fireball XL6 will be sent for the scrapheap, so as not to 
cause a fuss, and you leave in the morning!" He turned away from me and 
to his control panel. 
 
I felt so violated. 5 years service to the Space Patrol, and they 
reckoned I could leave, just like that?! I stormed off to my apartment 
to pack, hearing a snatch of conversation from Zero: "Have XL5 ready to 
search for XL1" as the rest trailed off at the sound of the rumbling 
lift. No-one came to say goodbye, except for my friend Luke Rudd aboard 
XL4. I spent most of that night gazing at the ceiling. I had nowhere to 
go. After the XL13 incident, no-one would accept me. The old railway 
museum I had owned before I became an astronaut had been long gone to 
make room for a Disco Hall, but as I gazed at the decaying wreck of XL6 
from my window, an idea struck me, both myself and my ship would make a 
run for it.
 
With my baggage on board, I silently crept into the dying control 
cabin. All lay quiet around Space City. Only the wind whistled around 
the battered ship. Within minutes of XL6s' rockets firing. Klaxons and 
alarms and all sorts of noises could be heard as I rocketed off into 
the unknown depths of space. It seemed to happen so quickly, for if it 
hadn't, XL6 would've been destroyed within minutes. I just piloted 
straight ahead, I didn't care where, but just away. Away from the 
Authorities to somewhere safe. At the time, I didn't realise that that 
would be the last time I would see Earth, ever.
 
I had'nt got far, probably to some demilitarized sector of space, when 
the ship began to rock, then shudder, until I realized that XL6 had 
been caught in the suction of a Black Hole. It seemed so hard to ignite 
the failing boosters. I then noticed how foolish I was, alone, in a 
wrecked spaceship, guilty of a crime I didn't commit, now in a Black 
Hole, just spinning, spinning, spinning.........
 
I awoke in somewhere strange. Still in XL6, but not in any part of the 
known Universe ever seen. Every planet seemed to have its own pattern 
and colour, like some kind of surreal spectrum. The instruments were 
still shaken up by the Black Hole to tell what had happened. But gazing 
straight ahead, I saw something so terrifying, my eyes were round with 
amazement. Small alien fighters were circling the XL6 like flies around 
a carcass. Each one a different shade of green, with disgusting slimy 
creatures piloting them from two pink domes grafted on top of their 
ships. But it wasn't this that startled me, it was what was to follow.
 
Further ahead was an even larger ship, twice the size of Jupiter, and 
perhaps the mothership. Orange globes the size of a moon station were 
scattered about the menacing, silvery hood, where even more of the 
small pilots hovered and buzzed about. Had this had been created by 
human hand, it would've been a more tremendous feat since Brunels' 
Great Eastern. I was so shocked by the sheer size of the machine which 
dwarfed my own, I didn't notice the radio crackling.
 
"Attention enemy ship! Surrender in the name of the Toad Empire! Resist 
and die!" came a hoarse voice over XL6s' Neutroni. It seemed strange to 
realise that the radio was off. The gaping mouth of the Mothership, 
opened slowly, like a hungry whale ready to ensnare its prey. A beam of 
yellow struck the wreck which had brought me here. The ghostly ray did 
no harm to XL6 than had already been done. Instead, I found myself 
being dragged inside the menacing whale of a ship. 'Some kind of 
tractor beam probably' I thought to myself. But once inside, the jokes 
were to stop.
 
Inside appeared to be a special hangar for these fighters. I could see 
some kind of orange titan of a spaceship in the far corner. Another 
whopper of a ship, but still dwarfed by the stomach of the whale in 
which it sat. The tractor beam died down as XL6 came to rest on a plot 
of the beasts belly. Several more of the disgusting Toad creatures 
surrounded the ship, waving strange purple rifles and screeching "Out! 
You are now a slave to the Toad Empire!" When seeing their ammunition 
against my single ray gun, it seemed I'd no choice but to admit defeat. 
I opened the hatch, and disembarked with my hands in the air. Sterile, 
lifeless eyes all gazed at me in curiosity through their helmets. Two 
of the foul lifeforms carted me off down a long narrow corridor, and 
within another corner, I saw yet another familiar spaceship, Fireball 
XL1.
 
My accomplices looked ahead like lifeless zombies, neither said a 
single word. No even the sound of their breathing could be heard. There 
was only one word to describe them, b***s***. Neither of them 
complained nor complimented nor even showed the slightest piece of 
emotion on their warty, snotty faces. It had only been a couple of 
minutes, until I was dragged through a small doorway, into what seemed 
to be a torture room. Machinery and devices of warfare lay scattered 
around what seemed to be the very heart of this colossall spaceship.
 
A 9ft tall, purple robot of somekind turned to face me from watching a 
group of ejector tubes. There seemed less life in this bag of bolts 
than the guards. Two scarlet eye sensors scrutinised me up and down, 
before, without saying a word, the guards were ordered to leave. "So," 
the clanking voice of the android hissed. "You are yet another hairless 
baboon to wreck the Toad Empire. How interesting that you were ready to 
leave Earth so suddenly." I cut the mechanized stranger off before he 
could continue. "Wait a minute. First of all, who the hell are you, and 
how'd you know I was desperate to leave." I shouted, still trying to 
picture what was happening.
 
"I am Toadborg, Supreme Commander of the Toad Empire, and humble 
servant to KOMPLEX. I know all about you, Andrew Michael Norris." I 
stepped back in surprise. Had that machine of pure hatred had a mouth, 
I'm sure he would've been wearing an evil smirk. "Yes, my Toad Agents 
on Earth have learnt much about you. Your unsuccesful Railway Museum. 
The XL13, and now I finally have you where I want you. Not to mention 
your other hairless friends." He stepped back to reveal the contents of 
the ejector tubes. Inside the first two were Zakaria and Clara Zerox, 
the married couple whom were in charge of Fireball XL1. In other tubes 
came beings stranger than the last. A green rabbit in a suit of red and 
gold, a cat woman with locks of pink hair like that of a fountain of 
pink lemonade. A 12 year old boy with blonde hair, blue eyes and a very 
strange diving suit. Finally, was some kind of Daffy Duck character in 
a skintight suit of orange, with one eye covered by an eyepatch, and 
four arms pressed against the sides of the tube.
 
"You and your XL1 friends will also make excellent Toad Slaves as soon 
as your buddy in the XL5 gats here, but for now, you'll have to wait." 
Toadborg sniggered in his annoying robotic voice. He signalled two 
guards to restrain me. Their roughness caused the coma ray gun in my 
holster to go off. As the first guard ended up taking fourty winks 
against the cold metal floor, a second guard began to wrestle me in 
anger. We both strangled and kicked one another for some time, until I 
reached for my ray gun, and gave the slimy opponent a hard whack on the 
head. It took him a while to give in, but that wasn't the end of my 
problems. 
 
"YOU WRETCHED MONKEY!" Toadborg began to sizzle, a mechanic hand, the 
size of a car, grabbed the front of my uniform, lifting me into mid 
air. I could see the fury in those burning red eye sensors. It felt as 
though this would be the end. My clothes were so tight, breathing was 
difficult. He flung me straight into the back of a supercomputer. I 
felt as though I were on fire when a surge of electricity surged 
through me. I quickly threw the cables to one side of the machine. What 
happened then sounds kinda strange. The feedback not only released the 
locks on the ejector tubes, but also sent a small spark through the 
metal floor, stunning Toadborg long enough to get out.
 
Upon entering the hangar, we came face to face with a huge orange 
baboon, towering over every one of us. The rabbit looked at the mounds 
of unconcious Toads that lay around the hangar. "Good work Bruiser." 
the rabbit smiled slightly, he turned to the rest. "Right get to your 
ships and lets beat it!" the Zeroxs' were the first to leave in XL1, 
followed by the strange creatures which rocketed away in the Orange 
spaceship I saw earlier. I had no intention on staying any longer, and 
also took off in XL6.
 
Fighters swarmed the three ships like a herd of bees, all sheltering 
Toads ready to shed blood. They seemed to just laugh at the state that 
XL6 was in, and turned to the other two ships. A vioce inside me burst 
out 'THATS' IT! I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF BEING TAKEN FOR GRANTED! I'M PUTTING 
UP WITH WHAT I'M TRYING TO ESCAPE! DIE TOADS, DIE!' Every fighter soon 
succumbed to interceptors firing to and fro from Fireball XL6. the 
number of attacking ships soon lowered enough for all ships to attack.
 
Explosions ringed across the minute gulf in which we attacked. No mercy 
appeared out of it. Not 10 mins, but many hours had passed, until at 
last, we all escaped. I finally switched on the radio, and listened in 
to the conversation between the Green hare and Fireball XL1. "Good 
shootin' Zak!" "Thanks, I'd best be seeing whats' going on at Space 
City." "Right so, we'll take care of XL6. Over and out." I watched as 
Fireball XL1 loomed down a nearby Black Hole and disappeared in a flash 
of blue light. I listened to the radio once more. "Calling Fireball 
XL6, do you read me?" I heard the rabbit call. "Er...yes,yes I do." 
replied I. "I hear that you're on the run for something you didn't do." 
"Yes, now I've nowhere to go mister. Anywhere I do go, I'll get found 
out and convicted." "Not here, you are now in a universe called the 
Aniverse. Home to many of us animals, but not humans. I'm Captain Bucky 
O' Hare of the United Animals Coalition, and I'm sure if XL6 is given 
an overhaul, we may have a job for you."
 
Bucky was as good as his word. The Coalition of Planet Genus gave 
Fireball XL6 a good workover, new ammunition, and a new crew. Fireball 
XL6 now serves as a Mammalian Rescue Ship if anything goes wrong. 
Tritomic warheads have been loaded in place of the old interceptors. As 
for the new crew, well, here they are. AMD-4, the Medical Robot, Space 
Marine Butch, a Lion whom strength is that of steel. And finally, 
Navigator Hannah. I know I'm not supposed to have feelings for other 
beings, but Hannah is breathtaking in every way. She is an Alderbarren 
cat, with eyes like the rarest sapphire, and blonde hair which runs 
like a golden waterfall down her back. This may souns stupid by human 
standards but I think I may have a crush on her. 
 
Fireball XL6 has never moved from the Aniverse ever since. I soon 
learned that Fireball XL1 were Mammal agents, who were also spying on 
me. They promised to tell a bluff that I was caught in the blast of a 
Supernova and died, but now, I rest here, waiting to be found, 
wondering if Space City will find me eventually, or indeed, if I find 
Space City....