The Cold Blood Coalition: A History
By Andrew Norris

NOTE: The author wishes to thank DJ Clawson for her kind permission to 
create this historical reconstruction.

SCENE ONE
Reptilia, Early 3223
The Planet Reptilia is a barren planet covered in a veil of thick slime, 
with some dry places here and there.
Amidst these dry places include a large parliament building situated in 
a craggy part of the planet.

INSIDE THE PARLIAMENT BUILDING...
The structure has only recently been finished and the last workman is 
clearing his tools away before turning to leave. As he leaves, a LIZARD 
enters, dressed in a smart business suit. He gazes up at the richly-
decorated ceiling while speaking to himself.

LIZARD: (Mumbling) Let's see the UAC try and compete with this! I just 
hope the Empire doesn't stir up too much trouble among the other 
candidates of this pact.

He moves into the centre of the building, which is a large forum 
beneath a massive glass dome, with several seats beneath it. Sitting in 
the seats include A SLEAZOSAUR, A TOAD, A BLUE-SKINNED LIZARD, A NEWT 
and A TURTLE, all wearing business suits with the exception of THE TOAD, 
who is wearing a militaristic uniform. THE LIZARD sits in a large chair 
overlooking the rest of the cabinet.

LIZARD: (Clears throat) I hereby call the first assembly of the Cold 
Blood Coalition to order: President Cyra Occulme in the chair. Will all 
the representatives please introduce themselves?

THE SLEAZOSAUR stands up, and seems rather menacing with his coat of 
blood-red scales.

SLEAZOSAUR: Albert Potter, representative for Reptilia. As well as this, 
I wish to say how priveliged my people feel that the CBC should be 
established on our own planet.

NEWT: (Grumbles) Don't brag about it, Potter! Do you know how much we 
fought to have the assembly on Aquantis?

OCCULME: And who might you be, sir?

NEWT: My name is Coppin; Anthid Coppin. I'm here to represent the Newts 
of Aquantis, and I'd also like to ask the President why we should trust 
the most untrustworthy species within the CBC?

POTTER: (To Occulme) Sir, I feel we're deviating from the point.

OCCULME: I quite agree, Mr. Potter. (Turns to Coppin) And I feel, Mr 
Coppin, that should you have anything against Reptilia, you speak of it 
in private so as not to disturb the cabinet.

COPPIN sits back down and grumbles to himself. THE TOAD then stands up 
and looks about.

TOAD: (Sinister, sleek voice) Now that is settled, perhaps I may be 
allowed to introduce myself. I am Lieutenant-Colonel Eardh Hulke, 
speaking on behalf of the Toad Empire, and hoping to create peace 
between the other races sitting here today.

COPPIN leaps up again, obviously not finished yet.

COPPIN: (Shouts) I object! Why should the Toad Empire have a say in 
this?!

OCCULME: Coppin...

COPPIN: It's blatantly obvious that KOMPLEX sent him to try and take 
over the Coalition and take over our planets!

HULKE: (Offended) Excuse me, Coppin, but I will not have that! My duty 
while in here is as a politician, not some barbarian chieftain!

OCCULME: I'm glad to hear it, Colonel, now may we please continue with 
the agenda?

COPPIN: No! Not until we have proof that you're telling the truth! We 
Newts may be small, but at least we can stand up for each other!

HULKE: Are you saying that this Coalition is just a way of getting you 
to complain further?

COPPIN: No, it's a way to stop bureaucrats like you from...

POTTER: (Shouts) ENOUGH!

COPPIN and HULKE both look at POTTER, while PRESIDENT OCCULME mops his 
face from such a commotion.

POTTER: (Quieter) Now, I feel that we still have yet to speak to the 
representative of the Turtles.

COPPIN: Pah! Why should we hear from some frelling mammal-hugger?

OCCULME: Keep that attitude up, Coppin, and I shall have to ask you to 
leave the cabinet.

COPPIN sits down again, still not happy about what's going on, while 
THE TURTLE stands up. THE TURTLE speaks slowly in a slow-motion kind of 
voice.

TURTLE: (Slowly) Thank...you...Mr...Potter...for...your...intervention. 
I...am...

COPPIN: Hello! Sometime this century please!

OCCULME glares icily at COPPIN, as if to deliver his final warning, and 
COPPIN unwillingly submits.

TURTLE: 
As...I...was...saying...before...being...interrupted,...I...am...Hengis
t...Poddue...for...the...Turtles...of...Aquantis.

After PODDUE has been introduced, THE BLUE LIZARD stands up and clears 
her throat.

COPPIN: (Grumbles) Oh, great! Now we're going to hear what the women 
have to say!

OCCULME has clearly had enough, and signals THE SERJEANT-AT-ARMS to 
take COPPIN from the building.

OCCULME: (Calls) And you won't be allowed to return until it has been 
voted by the Assembly! (Turns to Lizard) I'm sorry about that, miss, 
err...

BLUE LIZARD: Sharpe, sir. Tilly Sharpe for Saurion as well as the 
Samurai Lizards.

OCCULME: Good, and now I feel we must address the matter at hand 
regarding the recent liberation of the Beaver populous from Toad 
control at Crystal Peak.

HULKE: (Sighs) The matter was...unfortunate, but I can assure you that 
their escape was not the fault of the Toads.

PODDUE: (In a monotone) 
Is...that...why...the...defence...fleet...was...destroyed...by...a...st
rategic...error? 
Or...was...it...because...the...space...defences...were...poor...enough
...for...the...Righteous...Indignation...to...sneak...through?

HULKE: I'm sorry, Mr. Poddue, but could you repeat that?

SHARPE: He asked why the defences were so poor when Crystal Peak was 
still colonzied.

HULKE: The UAC had never visited Crystal Peak, and we assumed that they 
never would. What defences we had were immediately crippled and are 
currently under repair.

POTTER: And what of the officer in charge?

HULKE: He has been dismissed from service by mighty KOMPLEX and the 
planet has recently been placed under the control of Air Marshals Frix 
and Frax.

SHARPE: But how exactly does that benefit the Coalitions' own demand 
for crystal ion? I don't think that two new officers will persuade my 
people so easily that everything is returning to normal.

HULKE: As I have just said; newer defences have been constructed and we 
are planning an Interplanetary Defence Shield similar to that on Kinear.

PODDUE: (Mutters) Before...it...was...liberated.

HULKE: I heard that!

SHARPE: Erm, I'm sorry to divulge from the point here, but what about a 
logo for the CBC?

POTTER: Personally, I think we should cross that bridge when we come to 
it.

OCCULME: (Clears throat) I agree, but I'm afraid that the meeting must 
be adjorned here.

POTTER: Why?

OCCULME: I've been told that the electricians need to finish off in the 
foyer, but they should be finished by the end of the week. I'll see you 
all then.

As the group file out, OCCULME watches them all leave. Once they are 
gone, he pulls a bottle of liqueur from beneath his desk and takes a 
swig.

OCCULME: (To himself) With a problem like Coppin, I'll need to go 
through this by the gallon once I select a Chancellor.

SCENE TWO
CBC Parliament, One week later
PRESIDENT OCCULME is awaiting the members to return, and has finished 
the bottle throughout the week. All the loose wiring and incomplete 
construction has been repaired, and the place looks like a proper 
building.

OCCULME: (Hiccups) Well, back to the Salt Mines.

The assembly files in and gathers, but they need to wait for COUNCILLOR 
PODDUE to take his seat. After twenty minutes, he is seated and the 
meeting can begin.

OCCULME: Now (hiccup), the main agenda today is the selec..(hiccup) 
selection of a Chancellor. I have (hiccup) I've been looking through 
all of your files, and it's hard to (hiccup) hard to decide.

SHARPE: Are you alright, Mr. President? You've got quite a bad case of 
hiccups.

OCCULME: Oh, it's nothing, it'll (hiccup) it'll wear off, just a bit of 
trapped wind.

COUNCILLOR POTTER stands up and speaks to the cabinet.

POTTER: Well, as Councillor Coppin is absent, I suggest that he be here 
for the decision on a Chancellor.

HULKE: (Aggressively) I object! You saw what happened last week, he'll 
just stir up trouble again!

Before POTTER can answer, COUNCILLOR PODDUE slowly stands up.

PODDUE: (Monotonously) 
I...agree,...as...he...is...too...paranoid...to...even...complete...a..
.single...sentence.

POTTER: That's as maybe Mr. Poddue, but he is still a Councillor 
nonetheless.

OCCULME: Well, I feel (hiccup) feel that Coppin shouldn't return until 
the (hiccup) until the Chancellor has been appointed.

HULKE: I second that, Mr. President!

POTTER: (Hurt) Surely there has to be some good in him! Even we 
Sleazosaurs still have SOME compassion!

PODDUE: 
I'll...believe...that...when...I...see...it...with...my...own...eyes.

OCCULME: Yes, well (hiccup) back to the agenda. The UAC have shown some 
(hiccup) shown some interest in us. But what (hiccup) what they think 
of us hasn't yet been said.

SHARPE: Personally, I don't think they've any right to be poking into 
our business. If anything, we should be finding out about them.

OCCULME: I'm glad you (hiccup) glad you mentioned that, Councillor 
Sharpe. Until a Treasurer (hiccup) can be found, I'll be acting as 
Treasurer for our fleet.

PODDUE: Fleet?

OCCULME: If you (hiccup) recall, Councillor, we will be placing (hiccup) 
placing funds into the Coalition to establish our own (hiccup) our own 
fleet.

SHARPE: To rival the .S.P.A.C.E.?

POTTER: Having said that, why doesn't Lieutenant-Colonel Hulke just 
loan us some of his Imperical warships?

HULKE: Inasmuch as I'd like to, I'm a field officer, not an Air Force 
officer. I can provide funding certainly, but not spacecraft.

PODDUE: (Narrows his eyes) 
And...yet...you...represent...the...Empire...as...a...whole...in...the.
..Coalition?

HULKE: (Sighs) Very well, I'll see what can be done. I shall also 
donate funding for an actual fleet, and not a division of the Empire.

POTTER: And exactly what will our fleet consist of?

SHARPE: I suggest something on the lines of a battleship. Remember that 
the .S.P.A.C.E. has three frigates, and we need to be seen as far more 
powerful.

PODDUE: Here...here.

OCCULME: Very (hiccup) very well. If you could send your (hiccup) send 
your donations in cash to here tomorrow (hiccup) tomorrow morning and 
I'll get started on what we can get.

HULKE: And the Chancellor?

OCCULME: I still need (hiccup) need time to think. Meeting adjourned.

They all leave, and OCCULME pulls the concealed bottle from his desk. 
Finding it empty, he smashes it hard into a wastebasket next to the 
desk.

SCENE THREE
CBC Parliament, Three weeks later
PRESIDENT OCCULME is speaking to LT.-COL. HULKE and COUNCILLORS SHARPE, 
POTTER and PODDUE.

OCCULME: From all of your generous donations three weeks ago, the Cold 
Blood Fleet now has its' own craft.

He shows them a photograph of what looks like a mammalian frigate, but 
is painted green and has a single-barrel maser cannon.

SHARPE: President, I thought we were trying to avoid using frigates.

OCCULME: I'm sorry, but the Sleazosaurs were quite pricy, especially 
since this Coalition was formed.

All eyes fix on COUNCILLOR POTTER, who looks nervous.

OCCULME (Continued) This ship, the Bellerophon, cost almost our entire 
funding. But our fleet has been given two Double-Bubbles, courtesy of 
Councillor Hulke.

POTTER: Only two fighters?

HULKE: (Apologetically) Sorry, but the Air Force were generous enough 
to give me even that!

SHARPE: So, who pilots the Bellerophon?

OCCULME: Several temporary Toad officers before we can establish 
military links. Commander Lytton, I think the name was.

PODDUE: (Suspiciously) 
So...why...are...the...Toads...so...keen...to...help...all...of...a...s
udden?

HULKE: To make up for our poor Air Force, that's why.

OCCULME: And because of the donations of two fighters and the crews for 
three ships, I hereby pronounce Lieutenant-Colonel Hulke as our new 
Chancellor.

Everyone is suddenly shocked, and POTTER stands up.

POTTER: (Spiteful) Coppin was right! You ARE trying to take over the 
Coalition, aren't you?

HULKE: (Innocently) Excuse me, but I haven't bribed or threatened 
anyone! And how dare you accuse me of attempting a coup d'etat!

SHARPE: Hulke.

SHARPE pulls out a six-pack of liqueur hidden in OCCULMES' desk, with 
the Toad skull-and-crossbones marked on the plastic casing.

SHARPE: (To Hulke) And you say you haven't bribed anyone?

PODDUE: 
You've...been...bribing...the...President...so...you...can...do...whate
ver...you...want!

HULKE is slowly increasing in anger, and places a hand on his holster.

HULKE: OK, back off mammal lover!

PODDUE: (Offended) Say...that...again.

HULKE: Mammal lover! That's what all you Turtles are!

PODDUE runs towards HULKE, albeit very slowly, as if to ram him. HULKE 
steps aside while PODDUE continues to run towards a wall, but stops 
before he can hit it.

HULKE: I don't have time for this. I could be fighting on behalf of the 
Empire rather than say here.

He turns to leave, but OCCULME becomes nervous.

OCCULME: (Shouts) Are you saying you're just going to leave me to clean 
up YOUR mess, Hulke?

HULKE: Why not? It's far easier to take over planets with an invasion 
fleet rather than political turmoil, isn't it?

He leaves, and all eyes suddenly turn on OCCULME.

SHARPE: You were going to let us be taken over by the Toads?

OCCULME: (Nervously) Well, you see...

POTTER: While you just lapped about in your crates of booze?

OCCULME: I have a skin condition, my body needs lots of...

PODDUE: 
And...you...made...a...painting...of...a...mammal...frigate...to...make
...us...believe...you...had...bought...one?

OCCULME: How did you know?

PODDUE picks up the photo and shakes off some powdery substance on the 
top and it turns out to be just a painting made to look like a photo.

SHARPE: And you gave away all of that funding to the Empire just so you 
wouldn't get hurt. (Shrieks) OUR MONEY, CYRA!!!

OCCULME says nothing, but shys away in a corner.

POTTER: As of this moment, I am not in the Cold Blood Coalition and 
never was!

He walks off, while PODDUE and SHARPE look at him.

PODDUE: (Limps away) 
At...least...I...am...not...verbally...abused...within...mammalian...bo
rders!

SHARPE stays a moment to look at OCCULME before walking away.

SHARPE: (To Occulme) Goodbye, scum. I hope you rot.

PRESIDENT OCCULME is left all alone in the building, and OCCULME 
doesn't even look up when he hears faint screaming from outside, but 
only when LT.-COL. HULKE returns.

OCCULME: (Shivers) It's dead, Hulke...the Coalition is dead.

HULKE: (Slyly) Well, it's your fault, but you needn't worry. I've 
something here to cheer you up.

OCCULME: It's not more drink, is it? 

HULKE shakes his head, and in a split-second, shoots OCCULME through 
the head, and carries the drinks-crate with him. Once he is a safe 
distance away, he blows up the building with three hand-grenades.

HULKE: I can't let good liqueur go to waste now, can I? I'm sure my 
fellow officers can think of a better use for this.

He walks towards a Toad Cruiser which takes off, once he's inside. 
Around the cruiser are the salin bodies of SHARPE, PODDUE and POTTER, 
whom HULKE has killed previously.
As the Cruiser flies off, the CBC building is left to smoulder and burn 
to the ground, marking the end of the short-lived Cold Blood Coalition.

THE END