Bucky O' Hare In Chuck Bodgers V By Andrew Norris SCENE ONE Capital City, Genus Several mammals are running to and fro as a large robot with the image of KOMPLEX on its' large computer screen wrecks the town with enormous claws on flexible arms. KOMPLEX: (Laughs evilly) That is right, you pesky mammals! Fear the wrath of KOMPLEX! He throws a large fuel tanker towards the crowd, where a female PANTHER is rescuing her baby from a pram. PANTHER: My baby! She starts to run, but the tanker is coming too fast for her to avoid. Before it can hit her, it is enveloped by an ice-blue aura and thrown to one side, looking up, the PANTHER sees a WHITE RABBIT dressed up as Chuck Bodgers. The crowd speaks up. BROWN HARE: Look, it's Chuck Bodgers! ALDEBARAN SISTER: He must be here to vanquish KOMPLEX! WHITE HARE: (Deep, resonating voice) I certainly am, fellow citizens! He punches the robot's screen hard, causing it to crack, and making the robot topple slightly. KOMPLEX: You haven't stopped me yet, Bodgers! One of the claws tries to catch the HARE, but he flies around the robot until all the arms and legs are knotted together. The robot topples over and crashes into smithereens. The crowd applauds the WHITE HARE. ANNOUNCER: (Over TV) Tune in next week for another adventure with the one and only Chuck Bodgers! The TV in the UAC HQ switches off, and SUB-LIEUTENANT ANDREW NORRIS looks at the council angrily, particularly at GRIFF and FRITZ. ANDREW: (Bursts out) Are you telling me, Chairman Warner, that you got a white hare to dress up like me and used my likeness for some measly propaganda! GRIFF: (Hurt) Now, wait a minute, Lieutenant... ANDREW: Those were the kinds of shows that caused me to not only be involved in the Third Cosmos War during my time in the World Space Patrol, but the same kind of propaganda that got me kicked off of Earth in the first place! FRITZ: I understand that it is hurtful to you, Norris, but think of how many people can be convinced that KOMPLEX will be beaten! ANDREW: (Rudely) By an actor aided by special effects? I'm sorry, Chairman, but I'm not buying that! I don't think even the Admiralty has become this competitive yet! FRITZ: No, but the Communists appear to be. Just take a look at the stuff they've been broadcasting on their signals. Corporal Nass picked it up by accident a while ago. They all look up at the screen, and a picture of SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS in a uniform of a Russian soldier appears on the screen, dancing and hopping around in a bizarre fashion. PIRATE: (Sings) Who is a communist under the sea? CHORUS: (Sings) Spongebob Sovietpants! PIRATE: He's a part of the KGB. CHORUS: Spongebob Sovietpants! PIRATE: If seeing Lenin is something you wish. CHORUS: Spongebob Sovietpants! PIRATE: Then carve the hammer-and-sickle on-a goldfish! CHORUS: Spongebob Sovietpants! FRITZ turns off the screen and looks at ANDREW along with the rest of the council. FRITZ: (Calmly) The theme gets a bit monotonous after that. Anyway, Lieutenant, you should be proud that your name is being carried on like this. ANDREW: I didn't spend my last few superhero years helping out The British Teen Titans just to have a rabbit dress up in a mock-up of my suit! Next thing, you'll be telling me that you're planning a film about them versus KOMPLEX! GRIFF: (Curious) You're half-right, but who told you? ANDREW: Nobody, I overheard Captain O' Hare and Colonel Mew talking about the city being closed off for one or two scenes. The leopard COUNCILLOR SMIDGEN stands up. SMIDGEN: If I can get a say in this matter, I've actually had to report about the actor for Animan. As the original actor was dismissed some time ago, we've had to bring in a replacement. Through the door steps KINJITE, the legendary Aldebaran and former lover to Queen Katrina. He looks around the Council, and notices how angry ANDREW appears to be. KINJITE: (Curious) Are you OK? You look like you're about to blast off into space. ANDREW: (Turning to go) I think I may do just that! KINJITE is left confused as ANDREW walks off with a face like thunder. SCENE TWO The Toad Mothership, in orbit of The Toad Homeworld TOAD AIR MARSHAL and a FEMALE TOAD in Stormtoad gear are watching the Bodgers film on the big screen. AIR MARSHAL: Apparently, Major, they're fighting back at us with propaganda, now! Honestly, Lillian, I don't know what we can do about it. FEMALE TOAD: (Sassy voice) I can, sir. AIR MARSHAL: Well, what can we do? Answer me that, Major Lillian Padd. PADD: Well, if Bodgers is what is fuelling these mammals to fight back, I say we try to destroy Bodgers and break the spirits of the mammal troops. AIR MARSHAL: (Frowns) Major, that is absolutely absurd... PADD: But it can be done! Watch me do it and you'll see! She walks off at a quick-march. TOAD AIR MARSHAL looks over to FRIX and FRAX, who are lovestruck and have their eyes focused on MAJOR PADD'S bum. AIR MARSHAL: (Snorts) Women, always trying to make themselves look good! For me, clothes shopping and sprucing myself up is torture! FRIX: If it is torture, Air Marshal, chain me to the wall! SCENE THREE A Street in Capital City, Genus BUCKY and RAUL have just closed off much of the road, and are asking civilians to move on their way. Several cameras and various actors, including the WHITE HARE as Chuck Bodgers, are all preparing for filming. BUCKY: (Mops head) I guess that takes care of the media. I didn't know how popular these guys are. RAUL: I agree. The idea of propaganda is to get people to join the military, not to get them to love a rabbit. THE WHITE HARE approaches them. WHITE HARE: (Unaffected voice) Captain, may I have a word? BUCKY: Why, what's the matter? WHITE HARE: Nothing's the matter; I just want to know where the replacement for Animan is. RAUL: He'll be along shortly, but he was a bit rude about his costume. WHITE HARE: What's wrong with them? All the gadgets poured into them save him using his own powers! Why else do you think superheroes run around in coloured underpants? ANDREW: (Crossly) I can think of three good reasons! ANDREW appears from behind them. WHITE HARE: Who is this? RAUL: This is Sub-Lieutenant Norris; he's an expert on this field. Andrew, this is Kyle Managua. He's... ANDREW: (Snaps) Spare me your breath, Raul, I know who he is. He glares icily at KYLE, who looks a little uncomfortable. ANDREW: (Points out fingers) One: Costumes are trademarks, not fancy wear. Two: They enhance or focus powers; they don't control them fully. And three: It makes us all the more difficult to trace when dressed as civilians. KYLE: (Suspicious) Hang on! Did you just say "us"? ANDREW storms off, still in a fiery temper. BUCKY, RAUL and KYLE all look on in confusion. The subject is changed when KINJITE arrives dressed in a bright green suit with a yellow cape, belt and a star on the chest. His boots and gloves are a darker shade of green, and he wears an eye mask of goldenrod. KINJITE: (Embarrassed) I feel utterly stupid dressed like this. KYLE: Don't worry, you get used to it. KYLE walks off, while KINJITE looks at BUCKY. KINJITE: Bucky, I have fought demons, Toad megalomaniacs and even taken on mercenaries armed with ML-27s. But of all of those things, this I am actually nervous about. BUCKY: I'm sure that Kyle will give you a run-down on what you have to do. You do have a script don't you? KINJITE: (Sighs) Yes, but I'd feel more comfortable using my own powers rather than some cheap little gadget to do the job for me. KYLE returns with a slip of paper in hand. KYLE: (Holds up paper) Don't worry about your lines at the moment. All we're doing at the moment is gazing up at the building while we have Hypnora gloating her lines. KINJITE: So, I came dressed up like a fruit salad just to listen to an actress boasting from a rooftop? KYLE: (Reassuring) It's all for the war effort, mate! Don't blame me! KINJITE walks off with KYLE, and several Camera crews get ready to shoot. BUCKY rubs his eyes, while RAUL looks on at the busy work. BUCKY: (Mumbles) The things we do for the UAC! SCENE FOUR A Tower Block, Overlooking the street A FEMALE TIGER is dressing up in a gown decorated with spirals, complete with a facemask of a Toad. THE DIRECTOR, a spindly DOG in fat trousers, is giving her an explanation on what to do. DIRECTOR: (South American Accent) You know what'll happen, don't you Helen? TIGER: (Polish Accent) Sure, Mr. Bialystock. I just say my lines after the explosions. BIALYSTOCK: Good girl! We'll detonate the explosions on the floor below us. You wait about ten seconds for the smoke to clear, and then you just climb onto the scaffolding. HELEN: Ten seconds, right! MR. BIALYSTOCK walks downstairs, and MAJOR PADD emerges from a dark corner after HELEN puts on her mask. HELEN: Good costume! Are you playing Michelle the Marauder? PADD: (Sleekly) No, I am playing myself. HELEN: And what is your part called? PADD: My nickname; Major Catastrophe. HELEN: New character, eh? So, what's your real name? PADD: Padd. Lil E. Padd. HELEN: (Laughs) I get it, like Lilypad, eh? MAJOR PADD says nothing, but simply shoots HELEN unconscious and starts to tie her up. PADD: I've lived with that same joke for over 31 years; I am not having the mammals mimic me now! After she's finished tying and gagging HELEN, she hears MR. BIALYSTOCK outside. BIALYSTOCK: (Outside) Places people, we have to do this in one shot! PADD: (To Helen) I'll be back for you later, bi...(BLEEP). Outside, the cameras are rolling, and KINJITE and KYLE are watching the explosions occur before MAJOR PADD can leap out trying to make a good impression. PADD: (Laughs) You pathetic mammals! Thinking you can hide your cowardice behind the masks of a few pathetic heroes! KYLE: (Quietly) Wait a minute, that's not Helen! The Camera crews are also getting suspicious. CAMERAMAN: I'm stopping the tape. BIALYSTOCK: No, keep it going! This is gold! PADD: (Continued) You really think that a rabbit in a suit will stop mighty KOMPLEX? Sheer idiocy! And I, Major Catastrophe shall prove it to you! She pulls out a small box, which traps KYLE in an orb of energy and teleports him away. KINJITE tries to use his own powers, but the suit tethers them. KINJITE: (Thinks) < Crap! I'll have to use the suit! > He presses a button on his belt, and some claws shoot out of the gloves. KINJITE starts to climb the wall using the claws to dig into the walls, but MAJOR PADD fires her ray gun and KINJITE falls, being caught in an airbag below by a few stagehands. PADD: (Cackles) I'll be back! She taps a button on her own belt, and she is teleported to safety. RAUL and BUCKY approach KINJITE, who looks at his damaged claws in anger. KINJITE: (Furious) What kind of a moron would create bu...(BLEEP)...it like this? MR. BIALYSTOCK slowly sneaks away. BUCKY looks concerned. BUCKY: For the moment, we've got to find out where she's taken Kyle, and why. RAUL: We'll never find her on our own. For all we know, her belt could be laden with booby-traps. BUCKY: You're right. We'll have to pay a call to someone else. SCENE FIVE The Toad Mothership TOAD AIR MARSHAL is interrogating KYLE, who has been tied to a chair with a desk-lamp shining in his face. AIR MARSHAL: I can do this all night I have to. Tell me what you know about the blasted films! KYLE: (Panicky) I already said! I only play Bodgers as part of a propaganda film! I'm not the real Bodgers! All of the gadgets are just farce! You really think I'd be able to battle ninja pygmies on my own?! TOAD AIR MARSHAL sighs angrily, and looks over to a door with a label hanging on the side saying DO NOT OPEN. AIR MARSHAL: Lillian Edna Padd, have you just heard what has been said? PADD: (Inside door) Yes, I did. But do not despair, Air Marshal. I had a look at his utility belt, and I do think that this mistake could be used to my advantage. AIR MARSHAL: (Laughs) How, exactly, is an actor beneficial to us? MAJOR PADD opens the door, to reveal a black leather suit with KYLES' utility belt now painted yellow. She has removed her Stormtoad uniform, and has a small scanner over the one eye. AIR MARSHAL: (Gobsmacked) Major Padd, what have you done? PADD: With your permission, I am no longer Major Padd, I am now Major Catastrophe, and I shall destroy Chuck Bodgers by hook or by crook! SCENE SIX UAC Officers' Bar, Genus ANDREW has a bottle of liqueur at his side, and is trying to drink his problems away. While no one is looking, he pulls out a tatty photo of him as Chuck Bodgers, along with EPITOME, ANIMAN, and an AFRICAN GIRL in a blue outfit and a grey-skinned BOY in a radioactive suit. ANDREW: (Tired) Worked alongside them for barely a week before I had to go into hiding. I shouldn't have bothered joining up at all! He quickly puts the photo back when someone enters the bar. BUCKY, MIMI, KINJITE and JENNY arrive and confront ANDREW, who tries to act drunk. ANDREW: (Mock-drunken) And I still say that General Custer was in league with the Kaiser, as he was wearing a tutu at the Battle of Little Leagues. MIMI snatches away the bottle and hits ANDREW on the head, making him aware that the act isn't working. ANDREW: (Unaffected voice) OK, what do you all want? Does Kyle want to forge my signatures? BUCKY: If Toads hadn't captured him, them I'm sure of it. JENNY: They found one of the actresses tied up, and Kyle was kidnapped by one of the Toads with authority to use teleporting technology. ANDREW looks at KINJITE up and down. ANDREW: I wonder why they didn't take your buddy. With how ill fitting that suit is, I bet Animan is turning in his grave! KINJITE: Yes, I am not happy about it myself, but are you going to help us or not? ANDREW: Help you do what? You haven't told me the assignment yet. MIMI: Duh! Rescue Kyle, what else? JENNY: Raul went back to Genus Control. There's a Toad Cruiser parked over Quanta. It's probable that Kyle is being held there. BUCKY: The only catch is that she seems to have a utility belt, and we don't want to take our chances. ANDREW: Well, looks like you'll need to soup up yourselves. After looking at your friend here, I reckon the best way of taking her down as well as disguise would be to commandeer those suits Bialystock was flashing around. KINJITE: (Sharply) Just disguise, I am not wearing these once we get on board! ANDREW: That's your opinion. Everyone else, I say you'd better get changed. I'll have the XL6 standing by. SCENE SEVEN Major Padds' Cruiser, in orbit of Quanta MAJOR CATASTROPHE is taunting KYLE by switching Toad TV on and off continuously. It is getting too much for KYLE, who has been strapped to a table that is standing at an angle. KYLE: (Weak) Please, stop it! CATASTROPHE: I'm sorry, stop what, this? She briefly turns the TV on and then turns it back off again. KYLE: Yes, that! CATASTROPHE: Yes, do it. OK! KYLE whines as a toothpaste advert comes on. She smiles to see the hare suffer, when a STORMTOAD arrives through the door. STORMTOAD: (Salutes) I'm sorry to bother you, Major, but the XL6 is heading towards the Cruiser. CATASTROPHE: How many on board? STORMTOAD: Eight, presumably the usual four crew and four passengers. The pilot wishes to speak to you, Major. CATASTROPHE: Put him on, Private. THE STORMTOAD salutes, and on the TV screen comes ANDREW, in his Chuck Bodgers guise. ANDREW: Put me through to Major Padd at once. CATASTROPHE: (Suavely) I'm sorry, Bodgers, but I am the only one available, and my name is Major Catastrophe before you ask. ANDREW: What do you want with Kyle Managua? CATASTROPHE: I'm afraid that was purely an accident. It was you I was after, but seeing as you want your desperate Kyle back, then you will have to retrieve him yourself inside the Cruiser! INSIDE THE XL6... The link is cut off and ANDREW looks worried. He is piloting the ship in the cabin, and with him are BUCKY, JENNY, MIMI and KINJITE. BUCKY is now dressed in the radioactive suit seen in the photo, whilst JENNY has morphed into EPITOME and MIMI is dressed in the sky-blue suit. EPITOME: (Jenny's voice) I'm sure glad Hannah taught me that shapeshifting spell. I've only been able to do sleazosaurs in the past. MIMI: (Whines) Do we have to wear these? I look like a freak! BUCKY: If we're going to take down a Catastrophe like this, there's no other alternative. KINJITE: Alternative or not, I'm taking my suit off when we dock. I am not fighting the Toads while dressed as a lettuce! I use my own powers! ANDREW: That's your alternative, not mine. He flicks on the intercom for the ship. ANDREW: Norris to Hannah, am preparing to detach nosecone. HANNAH: (On radio) Hannah to Norris, received and understood. Good luck everyone, over and out. The cockpit of XL6 detaches and the main body floats in orbit of Quanta, while the cockpit moves in for the kill. The ship is allowed to dock in one of the bays, but there are many STORMTOADS waiting for them with rifles at the ready. TOAD #1: Come out with your hands up or we'll open fire! BUCKY, MIMI and KINJITE all press a few buttons on their belts to get ready for battle. BUCKY receives a foldout bazooka with a radioactive symbol on the side. MIMI floats in mid-air, but KINJITE receives several kinds of animal tails growing out of the back of his suit. KINJITE: (Rips off suit) I've had enough! TOAD #2: We're giving you ten seconds to come out before we open fire! ANDREW and EPITOME too are prepared, and they slowly make their way towards the hatch. TOAD #2: Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four... ANDREW jumps out, with the TOADS scorning and jeering. TOAD #3: Well, well, well! If it isn't Chuck Codgers, the Aniverse's boldest, oldest superhero of all time! ANDREW: (Snaps) I wouldn't laugh if I were you, you're outnumbered. TOAD #4: Excuse me, four to one? You're the one who's outnumbered! TOAD #1: Yeah, there's four of us and one of you! BUCKY emerges with his bazooka armed and ready. BUCKY: Make that two! THE TOADS can't recognize BUCKY inside the new suit. TOAD #2: Gamma Luke! EPITOME enters by flying out. EPITOME: Three! TOAD #1: Epitome! MIMI also flies out with her maser pistol at the ready. MIMI: Four! TOAD #3: The Quixotic! KINJITE appears as himself by levitating out with the others. KINJITE: Five! TOADS: (In unison) K...Kinjite! TOAD #4: Oh, crap! Not that pampered pussycat again! He killed my brother! KINJITE: (Smiles) Then you'd better get ready to join him! ANDREW: (Shouts) Titans, go! He thinks while they attack. ANDREW: (Thinks) < Wow, little old me commanding the British Teen Titans! > BUCKY fires his bazooka around the bay, blowing up several Double Bubbles as well as other TOADS in the background. MIMI and EPITOME fly out of a line of fire while MIMI grazes the TOADS, who later beat a retreat. KINJITE simply uses his own claws to try and slash the TOADS open, but is only able to slice their helmets to pieces. The terrified TOADS also withdraw afterward, but ANDREW moves at breakneck speed to stop them. ANDREW: Oh, no you don't! I'm not finished yet! He spins them in the direction of KINJITE and EPITOME, who are busy attacking other TOADS nearby. The spinning TOADS are hit by KINJITES' magic and they explode into piles of ash. MIMI and BUCKY eventually re- appear after a brief disappearance and the group begin a plan of action. ANDREW: Kinjite and Jenny, you two make your way up the side-corridor and knock out any Toads guarding there. Mimi, you and Bucky take the main corridor and all of you meet me when I find the room. MIMI: So, what are you going to do, plus shouldn't one of us think of a plan as we outrank you? KINJITE: Well, technically, we're supposed to be superheroes, and they don't really have any ranks do they? BUCKY: Besides, if Andy has done this for the past 17 years, then I'd stick to his plan. So, where will you be? ANDREW: I'm going to take the air vent and see what's happened to Kyle so far. I'll have my tracker switched on so you can locate me. Titans, move! They all split up, taking their designated paths. SCENE EIGHT Torture Room, The Toad Cruiser MAJOR CATASTROPHE and KYLE are both watching BUCKY and MIMI ploughing their way through several STORMTOADS. MAJOR CATASTROPHE laughs maniacally. CATASTROPHE: What a surprise this is! I was hoping for just Chuck Bodgers, but no, I get the entire of the British Teen Titans! What a shame I haven't the Jump City originals, but never mind! This is just too good! KYLE: (Weak) But...those are actors...too. MAJOR CATASTROPHE punches him hard on the face, causing him to yelp. CATASTROPHE: You have no say in the matter. Why else do you think your actor for "Animan" was killed? KYLE looks at her with a confused look. CATASTROPHE: (Smirks) I killed him off in an effort to slow down your mediocre propaganda, but then the famous Kinjite arrives for a visit! So, even though I will not defeat the real Animan, I can at least try to murder his buddies. ANDREW quietly sneaks out from the vent while MAJOR CATASTROPHE looks up at the screen, where KINJITE and EPITOME are defeating some STORMTOADS with their magic, until KINJITE looks at the camera. KINJITE: It's rude to stare! He blasts the camera, and MAJOR CATASTROPHE hits the console in frustration. The console collapses after her hard blow. KYLE wakes up at the noise. CATASTROPHE: Stupid cat! Stupid Stormtoads! If you want something done right, do it yourself! ANDREW takes cover behind a machine before he can be spotted, but MAJOR CATASTROPHE notices the open vent. CATASTROPHE: (Around the room) Hello, Bodgers. I know you're here; we women aren't as stupid as you men think. And if you're still not convinced, I suggest you show yourself before your friend is killed. She clasps at KYLES' throat, and he starts to choke. KYLE: (Throttling) Don't worry about me, I've been strangled loads of times and it's never hurt. MAJOR CATASTROPHE tightens her grip, and KYLE cries out in pain. ANDREW eventually jumps up from his hiding-place. ANDREW: Leave him alone! You're fight is with me, not him! MAJOR CATASTROPHE lets go of KYLE, and slowly walks up to ANDREW. CATASTROPHE: So Bodgers, finally coming out of retirement, are we? Dear dear, isn't it funny how the oldest men always want to sacrifice their left kneecap just to do good? ANDREW: I'm only 40, not 80! I'll bloody kill you if you touch that boy again! CATASTROPHE: So, you think that by being just like me, you can save the Aniverse, by killing off others for the sake of glory! ANDREW is lost for words. CATASTROPHE: (Laughs) I thought so. You men are so weak, especially the debonair type. MIMI appears from underneath the floor, with the floor tile balancing awkwardly on top of her head. Upon seeing MAJOR CATASTROPHE, she flies upwards and knocks a bit of armour off with her maser pistol. MIMI: Debonair type? I guess that counts me out! CATASTROPHE: Ah, The Quixotic, the girl who always has her head in the clouds. Still Team Deputy? MIMI: (Unsure) Well, err...yeah, I guess so. But you won't be anything once I'm done with you! CATASTROPHE: (Snorts) Spare me! What are you going to do? Tie me to a cloud? As she talks, ANDREW starts to untie KYLE. CATASTROPHE: (Continued) My dear woman, you're not much of a superhero, are you? Ha! Let's see your one maser pistol go against this! She presses a button on her belt, and several maser cannons, mounted on metallic tentacles, fly out of the body armour. She fires a couple, burning part of MIMI'S outfit. She fires back in retaliation, but misses. ANDREW leaps onto MAJOR CATASTROPHES' back and tries to tie the tentacles in knots, although in some cases they wriggle free. CATASTROPHE: Get off me, you wretched urchin! She tries to grab ANDREW, but he leaps off before the maser pistols can explode. Only some of them are destroyed; the rest are either damaged or have unravelled. MAJOR CATASTROPHE staggers around, and notices ANDREW and MIMI helping KYLE out of the room. Before she can take action, a burst of magic knocks her to the ground, and KINJITE appears out of the shadows. KINJITE: My, my Major! You should know that an officer doesn't strike a lady! CATASTROPHE: Then you won't mind if I do this! She knocks KINJITE to the floor by spinning her leg around and knocking his feet over. MAJOR CATASTROPHE is about to open fire, when KINJITE gives her a hard punch on the face. KINJITE: (Dusts off his hands) I don't fit in either category, so I'm also an exempt. CATASTROPHE: (Pathetically) You've broken my nose! KINJITE: Yes, that was the intention, miss! She tries to open fire, but a quick shielding spell reflects the masers back onto her, frying her body into atoms. A hole is suddenly blown into the wall, and BUCKY arrives with his bazooka simmering. BUCKY: Have they got Kyle? KINJITE: Yeah, Mimi and Andy took them back to Junior! BUCKY: Right, we'd better get out of here before they start wanting autographs! They run back to the XL6 Cockpit, alias Fireball Junior, and with everyone safely on board, they leave the Cruiser. None of the incapacitated STORMTOADS notice that the remains of MAJOR CATASTROPHES' body are glowing an eerie pulsating light... SCENE NINE UAC HQ, Genus, Sometime later FRITZ and GRIFF are present with the usual delegates of the council. Visitors there include MR. BIALYSTOCK, BUCKY, JENNY, MIMI and ANDREW. FRITZ: Ladies and gentleman, before we receive the rating of our latest attempt at propaganda from the Mammalian Film Board, I would like to thank Captains O' Hare and LaFleur, as well as First Officer Jenny and Sub-Lieutenant Norris for assisting in a failed attempt to sabotage the film by the Toads. BIALYSTOCK: Yes, I would also like to thank these ladies and gentlemen for returning Kyle Managua. We were able to finish the film in time, and he is now recuperating on Warren. The council applaud. JENNY and BUCKY look very smug. FRITZ: (Looks up at television screen) And now, the ratings... He flicks a remote, and a computer voice begins to speak, while on the screen there is nothing but the Warner Brothers' logo, but the caption reads WARREN BROTHERS ENTERTAINMENT - PROPAGANDA SECTION VOICE: (Robotic voice) Top five films voted by the Mammalian Film Board. Number 5: Duckulas' Daughter from the Canopis III Studios. COUNT DUCKULA appears on the screen, and before him is a coffin, with a beautiful VAMPIRE DUCK MAIDEN inside. DUCKULA: Wow! Wowee-wow! What a cracker! VOICE: Number 4: Springtime for Stalin from the Aniversian Communist Newsreel Centre. A group of MAMMALS start dancing in red-army uniforms to the tune of "Springtime for Hitler". MAMMALS: (Singing) Springtime for Stalin and Leningrad, Winter for NATO and Yanks, Springtime for Stalin and Leningrad, Come on Russians, go into your dance. GRIFF grumbles under his breath as the song continues. VOICE: Number 3: The Triumph of Pope John Paul II by Father Harley, representing the Church of Toxus III. A photo of the young POPE JOHN PAUL II appears, and some gentle music plays. NARRATOR: He was a man of peace, and a messenger of peace among his people. Despite the difficult challenges that lay before him, Pope John Paul II placed his faith with God and was able to overcome such obstacles. VOICE: Number 2: The British Teen Titans - An English Triumph by Nigel Bialystock for the United Animals Coalition. KYLE and several ACTORS dressed in the costumes worn by BUCKY, JENNY and MIMI appear overlooking a model of Planet Genus. KYLE: (On screen) It all began as a mere branch of the greatest teenage group of all, The Teen Titans. But as time progressed, none of us knew what would await us from the very depths of space... VOICE: Number 1, top-rated for Mammalian Film Board: Britannic by James Cameral for Aniversial Studios. BIALYSTOCK & GRIFF: (In unison) WHAT?!?! A large ship like Titanic II is sailing through space, when a space- mine explodes over hear decks. The CREWMAN in the lookout are stunned and shocked. CREWMAN #1: (Rings alarm bell) Bugger me! A couple of sailors on deck try to calm the slight fire blazing on deck. Eventually the film stops, and both MR. BIALYSTOCK and GRIFF share angry looks. JENNY: What's the matter, Griff? We did better than the Communists, didn't we? BIALYSTOCK: (Fuming) That's not the point! I didn't spend several sleepless nights making up a script to have it cast aside by some pretty-boy! GRIFF: (Annoyed) Besides, that's not even propaganda! MIMI: (Reads a paper) According to this, it was done on behalf of both the Commission for Hospital Vessels and the Mammalian Submarine Corps. It's only propaganda, there's no need to get upset about it! FIRTZ: Indeed so, now I think... BIALYSTOCK: We should do a sequel to try and show Cameral what we can do! GRIFF: Indeed so! And Lt. Norris can be the star! JENNY: But where is he? ANDREW is nowhere to be seen in the Board Room, but a faint running of footsteps can be heard in the corridor. THE END